Cutting Off My Parasite Family

1: 1

The first time I brought my boyfriend home, my mother was sitting on the floor tearing open blind boxes, dressed in a Lolita outfit with her hair in twin pigtails.

I hauled her up off the floor, furious, and lowered my voice.

"Mom, didn't I tell you I was bringing my boyfriend over today? Why are you still dressed like this?"

Instead of answering, she puffed out her cheeks and started whining at full volume.

"Aww, my blind boxes just got here, of course baby has to open them right away, baby couldn't wait!"

My boyfriend laughed awkwardly, trying to smooth it over. "It's nice that your mom's got such a young heart."

That day I stood there curling my toes into the floor, mortified out of my mind.

Not long after, my sister said she'd started seeing someone too, and my mother, thrilled, told her to bring him home so we could all meet him.

The day my sister's boyfriend came over, I made a point of taking a half day off work, just to stop my mother from pulling any of her stunts.

But when I pushed open the door, my mother was sitting primly on the sofa in a well-tailored dress.

I was so surprised I blurted it out. "Mom, why are you so normal this time?"

She rolled her eyes at me.

"Look at those jeans you're wearing, go change right now, they're not the least bit formal."

"This is the first time your sister's boyfriend is coming over. The whole family has to make a good impression on him, so your sister can hold her head up in his family later on!"

...

I looked at her, and my throat felt stuffed with cotton.

"Mom, when I brought my boyfriend home last time, how come you weren't worried about me holding my head up in my in-laws' house?"

She looked back at me, completely unbothered.

"How is that the same? You've been independent since you were little, you can handle anything on your own. But Yara Abbott's different. She's always been delicate, and if I don't look out for her, what happens when someone pushes her around one day?"

I clenched my fists, nails digging into my palms.

That was when the doorbell rang.

My mother shot up at once, arranged a flawless society-lady smile on her face, and went to answer it herself.

My sister, Yara, walked in with her arm hooked through a man's.

"Mom, sis, this is my boyfriend, Phineas Dickerson." Yara's voice was thick with showing off.

I looked at Phineas's face and froze.

Wasn't this the intern the company had just hired a few months back, while I was away on a business trip?

I remembered him.

Because his résumé said he'd graduated from a mediocre state college, but in the interview he claimed he had loads of project experience.

Our HR thought he was a bit of a blowhard and couldn't decide.

They even video-called me remotely to ask, and I was the one who gave the go-ahead to keep him on a trial basis.

Before I could say anything, my mother had already pulled him warmly down onto the sofa.

"Oh, come in, Phineas, come in!"

As she said it, she glared at me. "Evelyn Abbott, what are you standing there for? Go pour Phineas some tea! Not an ounce of common sense."

I walked into the kitchen expressionless, listening to my mother's voice climb an octave in the living room.

"So, Phineas, where do you work?"

Phineas's hearty laugh came through. "Well, ma'am, I do project management at a tech company. Nothing big, just one of the core members of the team, really."

The hand holding the teacup gave a little shake.

My mother's praise came at once. "Oh, so accomplished, and so young! Our Yara finding a boyfriend as impressive as you, she's truly blessed."

At the dinner table, Phineas looked at the king crab and put on a show of surprise. "Ma'am, this is far too extravagant."

I looked at that king crab. I'd picked up a project bonus last weekend and grabbed it at the import market on the way, the digital receipt still sitting quietly in my phone.

I didn't say a word, just ate the food in my own bowl.

My mother waved him off immediately, grinning ear to ear.

"That's all Yara's doing. This girl opened her own little design studio, made a bit of money, and the first thing she thinks of is treating her parents."

Yara ducked her head bashfully. "Mom, it's the least I could do."

I watched the two of them play off each other, and my stomach turned.

Yara's design studio, the seed money all came from me, and it's still running at a loss, scraping by every month only because I cover the gap.

Phineas clearly bought the whole story, and the look he gave Yara grew even more eager.

"Yara really is independent and devoted to her family."

My mother struck while the iron was hot, then swung the topic around and suddenly brought up me.

"Not like Evelyn's boyfriend. I hear he's just some ordinary code writer, glued to a computer all day. How much can a man like that make in a month? Even half of what you make, Phineas?"

"Bluntly put, he's just going nowhere."

She sighed and turned to Phineas. "You're the one who's got a real future, Phineas. So young, and already a key man at your company, nothing but upside ahead of you. With Yara by your side, we can rest easy."

I set down my chopsticks, stood, and walked into the kitchen.

From the very bottom shelf of the fridge I took out a sealed glass bowl.

Inside was my mother's 'baby food.'

She insists her stomach is too delicate to handle anything but what a baby could eat, so we always keep this mush on hand, all kinds of vegetables, meat, and rice blended together.

It was a grayish green, thick and sticky, giving off a smell I couldn't begin to describe.

Expressionless, I poured the mush into an elegant soup tureen and carried it back to the table.

I set the tureen in the center of the table and gave Phineas a smile.

"This baby meal is my mom's absolute favorite. She says it's the best thing for the stomach. You should have a taste too, Phineas. This is my mom's little treasure."