Discharged and Discarded I Left Them All

The day I was discharged, my husband and son came to pick me up.

Before I could even reach the car, Joy Swanson stepped out behind them.

She was my husband's first love. The one he'd wanted and never had.

He explained it to me. "After you went into the hospital, I was busy with work, and there was no one to watch Marvin. I asked Joy to help out for a while."

My son had his hand in hers, and he said, sweet as anything, "Mommy Joy, let's go to the amusement park."

My son. Calling Joy Swanson "Mommy."

For a second I couldn't breathe.

Joy glanced at me, and there was triumph in it. Mockery.

She crouched down and stroked his head, smiling gently. "Be good. We came to get your mom. We have to take her home first, and then we can go to the park."

Marvin pouted, sulking. "Why do we even have to pick her up? She could just stay at the hospital. Then it'd be you and me and Daddy, together all the time."

Joy said nothing. She only kept smoothing his hair, while my husband stood there watching with a smile on his face.

It hit me then, that there was no place left for me at home.

……

"Get in."

Justin loaded my dirty laundry and the rest of my things into the trunk, then turned to me.

I nodded, silent. But before I could take a step, my eight-year-old burst into tears. "I don't want her in the car. She stinks. Make her walk home by herself."

A tremor went through me. I stared at him, not believing it.

The son I'd carried for ten months, the son I'd watched over for eight years with my heart in my throat, had just driven a knife straight into it.

Yes. A month in the hospital had left a smell on me. But I was his mother. He was eight, not some baby who didn't understand anything.

"Marvin, how can you talk about your mom like that?" Justin scolded, his face hard.

"I won't, I won't!" Marvin shrieked at the top of his lungs. "She's a stinky mommy and I hate her. I don't want her. I only want Mommy Joy. She smells nice."

Joy smiled at me. "He's little. Don't take it to heart."

I looked at her, then turned to Justin, hope still in my eyes.

He just gave me a pained, awkward look. "Why don't you wait here? I'll take Joy and Marvin home first, then come back for you?"

Marvin jumped up, delighted. "Yes! Then the stinky mommy smell can't get on me."

He grabbed Joy's hand and ran behind Justin, pushing at his father's legs. "Hurry up, Daddy. Mommy Joy and me are going to the park."

It came out before I could stop it. "He can't go."

"Why not?" Marvin spun around and glared at me, and there was real resentment in his eyes.

Something twisted in me. I turned to Justin. "Marvin has severe allergies. He can't be anywhere crowded."

He frowned and said nothing.

Joy smiled. "One time won't hurt. He's older now. His body's stronger than it was when he was little."

Anger rose in me. "He's not your son, so of course it doesn't matter to you. If something happens to him, can you take responsibility for that?"

Joy's eyes went red on the spot. "I... I'm sorry."

"Enough," Justin cut in, impatient. "If he's not going, he's not going. Why are you snapping at Joy? She's taken care of Marvin this past month every bit as well as you would have."

As well as I would have?

My chest twisted again, harder this time.

Eight years I'd cared for Marvin, and in his mind it counted the same as one month of Joy.

What a sick joke.

I forced the tears back and moved to put my arms around Marvin. "Mommy won't let you go because it's for your own good. Whatever you want to play, Mommy will play it with you at home."