When the Fog Clears, No One Loves You

My daughter was in the ICU with pulmonary edema. Pregnant, I drove to the hospital through a hurricane, and my car slammed into the guardrail.

In the ambulance, the hospital called. A death notice.

My daughter couldn't be saved, and the baby inside me was gone too.

The husband I couldn't reach no matter how hard I tried had, instead, posted an ultrasound scan in the family group chat.

【Our Myra Maddox is officially pregnant. The doctor says the baby is perfectly healthy.】

I typed one reply into the chat.

“Congratulations.”

He deleted the ultrasound immediately, then texted me right away.

“Leave the group.”

I sent him our daughter's medical chart.

“Come to the hospital. We need to talk.”

“I'm still reviewing case files. I don't have time for your nonsense! Cassie Sawyer's turned out slow because of the way you raised her. Don't bring her problems to me anymore!”

“Case files? Or Myra's ultrasound!”

“Has pregnancy rusted your brain? Myra is my sister!”

I had no interest in going on with him. If he wouldn't come, then he could wait to be sued.

……

By the time I had my daughter's death certificate in hand, it was the small hours of the morning.

I went home in a daze, hollowed out.

My daughter's room stood wide open, toys scattered across the floor.

Sean was inside, several cabinet doors thrown open in front of him.

He heard my footsteps but didn't stop what he was doing, only asking with a note of complaint,

“Aren't you on maternity leave? How is it you couldn't even make a bowl of hot porridge this morning?”

My steps stalled. So he'd only just come home.

Two months now. He'd been like this the whole time.

When Myra landed in the middle of the night, he drove out himself to pick her up.

When I had a threatened miscarriage, he'd taken the car, and by the time I reached the hospital the baby had nearly been lost.

When Myra was in a bad mood, he left me alone at the campsite.

He ran off to the next city and sat through three straight days of concerts with her.

Getting no answer from me, Sean walked out of the bedroom and studied me carefully.

“Why are your eyes so swollen? Is this pregnancy not going well?”

He lifted a hand to touch my face. I tilted my head away and said flatly,

“I called you yesterday. Why didn't you pick up?”

Sean drew his hand back, a thin anger in his eyes.

“Delilah Fox, you know how busy I am.”

“Myra lived with my family for three years. I think of her as my own sister, so of course I look after her a little more. Is there a problem with that?”

“Besides, she's newly pregnant and on her own, throwing up everything she eats. I went with her to the hospital for a checkup. You're a mother yourself, how do you not have even that much sympathy!”

“And your body's always been strong. You already gave birth to Cassie. You know the prenatal routine perfectly. Do you really need me there?”

I looked at how little any of it touched him, and my heart felt like it had a gaping hole torn through it.

Cassie. He still had the nerve to bring up Cassie.

Cassie's pulmonary edema started because she drowned in the ocean.

It was Sean who said he hadn't taken her out in a long time, so he'd take her swimming.

But it was only when I got the lifeguard's call that I learned Sean had left Cassie alone at the beach.

Cassie was rushed to the hospital, her lungs so full of seawater that the pain left her unable to breathe.

The lifeguard said he'd called Sean more than thirty times and couldn't reach him.

He had no time to answer the lifeguard's calls, no time to answer mine.

But he had time to post Myra's ultrasound in the family group chat, and to make a point of telling me to leave the group.

“Your own sister, Sean? Would your own sister sit in your lap?”

Right there under the beach umbrella, he'd held Myra and kissed her.

My Cassie was standing at the water's edge, video-calling me on her kids' smartwatch, and she caught the moment of Sean's affair on camera too.

When the surf came surging in, I screamed at Cassie to run back.

But the wind knocked my daughter down anyway, and the towering waves swallowed her before my eyes, and in the end I lost her forever.