The Security You Never Gave Me

I have extreme insecurity. Ever since we started dating, I've shared my live location with Leopold James every single day.

I need his reply the moment it's sent. Without it, the anxiety takes over.

And he always replied. Twenty-four hours a day, without fail.

【Rest easy, babe. Hubby sees you.】

【Waiting for you. Safe travels.】

That sense of security was what finally made me stop fearing marriage. I put on the million-dollar wedding gown I'd designed myself, and I married him.

On our wedding night, at three in the morning, I picked up my phone to check the time. My finger slipped, and I accidentally sent him my location.

A second later, his reply came through.

【Stay safe, hubby's watching. Come home soon.】

He was lying right next to me. Asleep on my pillow. We'd just been tangled up in each other.

I held my breath. Slowly, carefully, I pressed his finger to his phone to unlock it.

The first thing I saw was a string of messages from a female colleague.

“Once is enough, don't wear yourself out. Come find me during the day. Same place as always.”

“You promised you'd take me on the honeymoon with you. I already put in for time off.”

“I'll help you set up your auto-replies again tomorrow.”

My heart slammed against my ribs. I pressed my hand to my chest.

Every shred of security I'd ever felt collapsed to zero, and the anxiety flooded in……

——

I gasped, loud and ragged, fighting for air.

I stumbled toward the cabinet, nearly falling twice on the way.

I wrenched the drawer open, fumbled out the pills, and dry-swallowed three of them.

Sleep dragged me under fast. I collapsed onto the bed and was gone.

When the cold woke me, it was already past ten.

I was lying on the carpet. No blanket. No covers.

Leopold was gone.

I opened his closet. The custom suit he'd ordered a week ago was missing.

My hands shook as I dialed his number.

“Carolyn Swanson, when I woke up this morning you were sleeping so soundly I didn't want to disturb you.”

“Aren't you supposed to be leaving for your business trip today?”

He kept his voice low, deliberately calm, but the faint breathlessness underneath didn't escape me.

I opened my mouth. My voice came out raw.

“Yeah. I'm heading out soon.”

A few seconds of silence on the other end. Then rustling, faint and unmistakable.

This was only the second day of our marriage, and the mask had already slipped.

“Good. Send me your location when you leave. I'll reply right away.”

“Gotta go. Busy with work.”

The line went dead.

I stood frozen. The phone slid from my limp hand and hit the floor.

Why?

I curled into the corner of the wall, searching for some scrap of safety, but my body wouldn't stop shaking.

When the medication wore off, my limbs went rigid. I could barely grip the phone.

Three minutes later, I managed to clamp it between both hands and dialed 911.

Without that sense of security, my anxiety disorder goes critical. My body locks up.

I needed to get to a hospital for electroshock treatment. Now.

In the last moment before the procedure, tears running down my face, I sent Leopold my hospital location.

His reply came instantly. 【Hey beautiful wife, day two of being married to you. Missing you already.】

Different from the old auto-replies.

She must have programmed new ones for him.

I clenched my jaw and, for the first time ever, sent him a voice message.

“Leopold, I'm at the hospital. I'm not on a business trip.”

Still, the instant reply. 【Baby, hubby's waiting for you. Love you! Come home soon.】

Before, I'd only ever sent him my location.

For anything else, I'd video call or just phone him directly.

I never imagined the auto-replies were set to answer everything, not just location shares.

With trembling fingers, I typed another message.

“Leopold, I'm sick. I'm alone at the hospital. No one is with me.”