The Act of Love

I miscarry after happening upon my husband, Xavier Leeson, being intimate with someone else.

He kneels before me and explains that his loyalty toward me has never swayed. I look at the man who's loved me for nine years and waited for me for five years. Ultimately, I still choose to believe him.

After an arduous process of trying to conceive another child, I finally get pregnant again. That's when I accidentally overhear him complaining to his colleagues.

"The thought of her being with her ex for five years makes me think that even the children she has are dirty."

It shall be as he wishes, then.

When he performs his next abortion, he's abhorred when he learns I'm the one he's operating on.

When I got the results of my pregnancy test, I was elated and couldn't wait to tell my husband, Xavier Leeson.

I found him on the rooftop of the hospital.

From afar, I heard his colleague say, "Xavier, I heard that Sheila's been going through a lot to get pregnant. Isn't it inappropriate for you to continue your relationship with Rachel?"

All of a sudden, I lost the strength to knock on the door.

Rachel Solis was a nurse who used to pursue Xavier obsessively.

Years ago, I had miscarried our first child when I caught Xavier cheating on me with her. Back then, he'd knelt before me and sworn that he never stopped loving me.

"I'm her first love. She loves me too much," Xavier explained lightly. "I can't let her down like that.

The surrounding colleagues chuckled.

"Besides, being with Sheila just feels like a task to tick off my to-do list lately. She wants a child too badly. That makes me feel like a tool."

He sounded more exhausted than joking.

I had thought that he longed for a child, just like I did.

Back when I miscarried our first child, the doctor had said that it would be difficult for me to get pregnant again. I'd tried everything: from homemade remedies to endless medications and numerous tests. Only I knew how much pain I went through during that time.

But now, bitterness seemed to seep right into my bones. I felt suffocated.

How I wished that Xavier had just been joking.

But he wasn't. Colder words came out of his mouth.

"Besides, she was with her ex for five years. Having a child with her feels… dirty."

I tightened my fists, crumpling the pregnancy report in my hands into a ball. My heart felt as if someone had stabbed me.

I'd always thought that meeting Xavier was the best thing that'd ever happened to me.

We were classmates in high school. His parents had just divorced back then, and I'd stopped him from attempting suicide. That was how we'd gotten familiar with each other and eventually became close.

During our senior year, he had confessed his feelings for me. However, at the time, I only saw him as a friend and rejected him.

Later, we went to different colleges. I fell in love with another man and lost contact with Xavier.

Five years later, my first relationship ended due to the stress of life, and my family pressured me to go on blind dates and get married.

I met Xavier again then—he'd been one of my blind dates.

He had told me that he had planned this date for a long time and that he'd waited for this chance for years. I was touched by his devotion.

Soon, we got together.

Before agreeing to be with him, I had been honest with him about my past. He'd assured me repeatedly that he didn't mind.

The day I agreed to be his girlfriend, he'd held me tightly, overjoyed. He'd called and texted his family and friends to tell them about it. He told them that he'd finally won his true love's heart.

In the three years we were together, he was loving and affectionate to me. Everyone around him knew that he had finally won over the woman that he'd admired for years.

I thought this was the universe's gift to me, a compensation after a failed relationship, but I never imagined it to be such a cruel joke.

I walked toward Xavier. I wanted to ask him why he would fool me so cruelly.

However, before I could approach him, my phone buzzed.

It was a text from Xavier. He said he was working overtime today and told me to go to sleep early.

When I looked up from my phone again, he'd already exited through another door.

…

Downstairs, I watched the familiar figure at the entrance of the hospital from a distance. My heart felt as if it were bleeding.

Through the gaps in the flowerbeds, a small figure threw itself into Xavier's arms.

I watched as Xavier stroked Rachel's hair affectionately. Even at a distance, I could hear him say indulgently, "Why are you running so fast? Be careful."

Rachel was a new nurse at Xavier's hospital. According to the rumors, she had a longtime crush on him. Her love was so intense that even Xavier, who was married, couldn't resist her.

Two years ago, I caught her sitting in Xavier's lap, her arms around his neck as they kissed. I was so taken aback that I froze on the stairwell and lost my footing, ending up losing my first child.

After that, Xavier had gotten onto his knees before me and pleaded for forgiveness. He told me that Rachel had been drunk, that she had been the one who initiated the kiss, and that he'd never wavered in his feelings for me.

Looking at him, a man who had waited for me for five years and loved me for four more years before that, I softened.

History was repeating itself again now.

I followed them to the old house we owned in the southern part of the city. Even from the dark shadows in the corner, I could see how intimate they were with each other.

In the end, the lights that I'd put in myself were turned off. I stood in the dark for a long time.

The lights never came on again. All that was left was the light from the screen of my phone—Xavier had texted me again.

"I'm not going home tonight. I've been pulled into an emergency surgery."

This wasn't the first time that he'd told me this.

Before this, I would worry and remind him to take care of himself. This time, I couldn't bring myself to send the usual text.

How many of those late-night shifts were spent at the hospital, and how many were spent here with Rachel?