And it would cost my entire family their lives.
A mating that ended in execution and ruin was one I could not afford.
And no longer wanted.
I hadn't even made it back to the Blackthorn den yet.
The news of my severed scent-bond courtship with Fenris Vargr had already swept through Aurelia.
The visitors lined up outside the Blackthorn residence, waiting to pay their respects to my father, were the first to catch the scent of it.
One by one, they picked up their gifts and left.
"Does the eldest daughter of Blackthorn still think they're the Blackthorns of old? Bonding into the Vargr bloodline was already above her station!"
"I only wanted to get close to the Alpha Commander through the Blackthorn pack. Otherwise, who'd bother warming up to a bloodline this faded?"
"Who does Seraphina Blackthorn think she is? All she has is a reputation as the finest Omega scholar in the capital. Other she-wolves would kill to be mated to the Alpha Commander, and she's been sitting on that courtship for years. Now she severs it in public? Who is she trying to impress?"
"The Alpha Commander earned his glory young. A territory grant is right around the corner. The Blackthorns are going to regret this until their guts turn green!"
...
I listened to all of it. My heart was still as dead water.
Briar's little face flushed scarlet with rage. "They look down on you, Sister. They look down on our whole family..."
I patted her head. "Briar, what other people think doesn't matter. What matters is that our family stays together, safe and sound."
Briar sniffled.
Then her eyes lit up.
"Father!"
She threw herself into our father's arms the moment he stepped through the gate, still wearing his Pack Council robes. The faint scent of old parchment and dried lavender clung to him, familiar and steadying.
The complaints poured out of her in a torrent: everything that happened at the territory gate with Fenris, every snide remark from every fair-weather visitor who'd turned tail and left.
I clutched the edge of my sleeve, unable to meet my father's eyes.
Not until I heard him ask, "Why don't you want to be mated to him?"
His tone was gentle. He didn't seem angry.
Only then did I dare speak. "I don't have feelings for him anymore."
It was the most straightforward reason I could think of.
I could hardly tell my father that I had been mated to Fenris Vargr twice before.
That the first time, I fell from a cliff and died. That the second time, I lost my head on the executioner's block.
And that I had dragged the entire Blackthorn pack down with me, every last one put to the sword.
He wouldn't believe me even if I told him. Better to say nothing.
My father studied me, brow furrowed. "Seraphina, you have never been reckless."
"There must be another reason."
"Since you won't say, I won't press."
"But let me remind you of one thing. Fenris has been by your side since childhood. He has always adored you. A bond like that is rare. Don't do something you'll regret."
A rare bond?
I used to believe that too. That Fenris Vargr was everything I could hope for.
We were scent-promised to each other before we were born. We grew up side by side. Our wolves had brushed against each other's awareness since before we could shift.
From the first stirrings of young love, I dreamed of growing old with him. I held that dream for ten years.
Every moon-sealed letter he sent from the front, I smoothed flat beneath a paperweight and tucked carefully into a box, layer upon layer.
During the worst of the fighting, when word came that he was dead, I carved both our names into a plaque of moonpale wood. Even if he was gone, I would bond myself to his memory and never take another mate.
That was how much I loved him.
And Fenris?
To pave the way for Ravenna's entry into the Moonhold Citadel as Luna Designate, he surrendered his command and laid down his war markings.
He told me, "Seraphina, you've always been so understanding. I know you'll support my decision."
He asked me to give up my bloodline standing and follow him to the outer territories to live in poverty.
When I was carrying his pup, he turned around and marched back to the capital, all to prop up Ravenna's position.
I tried to stop him.
He said I had changed.
"The Seraphina I knew would never be this unreasonable."
I stood there, frozen.
Something cracked open in my chest, and the cold wind howled straight through.
Three years of mating. Three years in those outer territories, choking down broth made from wild roots.
Hands that once held embroidery needles split open at the knuckles from chopping firewood.
When the kindling was too damp to catch, I got on my hands and knees and blew into the stove until tears streamed down my face.
I never once complained.
And in the end, because Ravenna whispered one word of grievance,
he blamed me.
I ran after their carriage.
I just wanted to ask what I had done wrong.
I lost my footing at the cliff's edge. Two lives gone in an instant: mine, and my unborn pup's.
