No More Feelings for You

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I was born with an overactive amygdala, which made me extremely sensitive in relationships.

A single look, a single sigh, and I could tell whether the other person's love for me had shifted.

Because of that, none of my past relationships had lasted more than three months.

Everyone said I was too sensitive, too starved for security, unable to let a single grain of sand pass in my eye, and destined to never find real love in this lifetime.

Until Lawrence Landon came along.

For ten years he treated me the same, steadying every mood of mine, catching every feeling I threw at him.

And yet my anxiety only grew worse. If I wasn't afraid he'd stop loving me, I was afraid I wasn't good enough to deserve him.

The doctor said living like this was exhausting, and that I'd be better off having my amygdala removed, except the price was that I would never be able to feel romantic love again.

Lawrence refused outright. "If your anxiety flares up, that's my failure as your boyfriend."

"Cecily Gilbert, I love you. I can't accept a life where we can't love each other."

I thought that as long as I worked hard to overcome it, I would eventually have a normal relationship with him.

Until, by chance, I found the ultra-thin condoms in his office that he'd used with his secretary.

"Cecily is so clingy. Her emotional needs are exhausting. I'm really worn out."

"You're better. An independent woman. We can give each other space."

"God, why did I ever stop Cecily from getting her amygdala removed?"

"Her love is honestly just dead weight."

I didn't scream, didn't make a scene. I turned around and booked the amygdala removal surgery.

Maybe not being able to feel love was what suited me best after all.

......

After the surgery, I spent more than ten days in the hospital.

When I got home, Lawrence was curled up on the couch, playing a game.

His expression was easy, as if it had only been a few hours since he'd seen me.

"So you finally decided to come home? Baby, you sulked a little long this time."

That day in his office, I'd actually been hiding in the cabinet to surprise him for his birthday.

I hadn't expected to find the things he'd used.

Or to overhear him talking with his secretary.

He didn't know all of it had already come out.

He thought I was sulking because the staff at the company had been teasing him about him and his secretary, Susannah Henson.

"I ordered you some takeout. I'm just too tired today, don't feel like cooking for you."

After he said it, he glanced at me without thinking, then quickly turned his head away.

The air went quiet in an instant.

This kind of scene had always played out before, and this behavior of his was an obvious sign he was lying.

Last time he said that, the truth was he'd already eaten out with Susannah.

Over time, Lawrence had learned exactly which of his moves would set off my sensitive nerves.

"What? You want to fight with me again?"

"But Cecily, I'm really tired, and I don't want to explain myself to you."

"Your high needs really are a burden to me."

I shook my head.

"No. Never again."

Lawrence froze.

"What?"

"I mean I'll never be sensitive again, never anxious again, never high-need with you again."

Lawrence muttered a curse under his breath.

"Psycho."

"What are you playing at now?"

I couldn't quite remember when he'd started growing impatient with me.

Before, if he'd said any of this, I'd have been crushed for sure, furious, ready to fight.

But now, I truly felt a calm I'd never known before.

"I'm not playing at anything. And I really am not angry."

I looked at myself in the mirror without so much as a furrow in my brow.

"Cecily, if you want to fight, just say so! Don't put on this fake calm for me and then sneak off to cry in the middle of the night like you're dying! I don't have the time to coax you anymore!"

Good.

I still wasn't angry.

The surgery had left my memory a little off. I'd almost forgotten I'd come back to pack my things.

But it seemed I hadn't fully recovered.

I'd only walked a few quick steps before my head spun and everything went dizzy, and I dropped straight to the floor.

"Cecily!"

Lawrence shouted in a panic and, without thinking, came running toward me.