I'd lost too much blood, and the world kept fading to black in waves.
The baby they'd cut out of me lay against my side, pale and weak.
He couldn't even cry.
Before I could so much as touch him, Asher's assistant came again.
He didn't knock. He shoved the door open, sweat streaming down his face.
"The senior Mrs. Sanchez is having a difficult labor. The second young master says he needs your blood to keep her alive."
I said nothing. I only slid one hand out from under the heavy blankets.
The little blood I had left was drawn out of my body, and the cold made me shudder.
Something pained flickered through the assistant's eyes.
"The second young master says mermaid blood has powerful healing properties. She's hemorrhaging, barely clinging to life, and only you can save her. Don't worry, the blood-bird's nest tonic is already simmered. You'll get your strength back soon."
My eyes half closed, I nodded.
Years ago, when Asher took away my clansmen's bodies, he told me not to worry too.
For three years, every time I wanted to go and mourn them, I was stopped.
He said, don't worry, I'm here, going there will only break your heart and your health.
But I never imagined that the burial he spoke of meant sending them into a laboratory,
processed into life-sustaining blood packs to keep Emily Delgado alive.
And now, it was my turn too.
The blood was carried to the old estate, pack by pack.
My mind drifted further and further into the dark.
Faintly, I heard cheering beyond the door.
Emily's baby had been born without trouble. Mother and daughter both safe, plump and rosy.
While my baby lay in my arms, his organs not even fully formed.
My phone was buzzing. A video call from Emily.
She waved the baby's chubby hand at the camera.
"Mari, thank you."
"I really thought I was going to die. Thank goodness Asher said your blood could save me."
I stared at Asher beside her and didn't speak.
"Mari, don't be angry with Asher."
"He's too young, he still has his immature moments. The two of you found each other against the odds. Don't give up on him."
She exchanged a glance with Asher and smiled.
"Years ago, your eldest brother-in-law and I were the same. We'd have died for each other. I think the two of you are just the same."
Asher's face changed for an instant.
"She's not like you."
"Tonics poured into her like water, and she still let herself waste away into this dying state. Isn't it just to make me feel sorry for her?"
I looked at him.
"Do you know that you and her look just like a family of three?"
My voice was very faint, because I had no strength left.
But Asher reacted even less. "My brother's setting sail. I'm going to keep him company."
"Emily came to thank you, not to listen to your sarcasm."
All at once I felt how absurd I was.
Even now, I was still secretly envious that Emily could be loved that much.
While my own feelings were like a stone dropped into the deep sea.
No one there to catch me. I could only sink to the bottom without a sound.
"All right. Emily, you need to rest."
"Mari, you should rest too. Tell Cary Lambert if you need anything. Take care of yourself, don't hold up the voyage."
I'd heard those words countless times.
Asher was like the ocean. Generous with his hand, and yet stingy.
Tonics, jewelry, money. Whatever I asked for, he gave. But he never gave me love.
Even this child in my belly was an accident, conceived after he'd been drinking.
That night he murmured Emily's name,
and I thought he simply hadn't had enough, so I sat with him and opened several more bottles of fine wine.
The call ended. My gaze moved frame by frame, settling on the table piled with tonics and medicinal dishes.
I threw myself at the table and forced them down my throat, mouthful after mouthful.
But my stomach churned, bitter, sour bile rising up,
and I clutched the table and vomited until the floor was a mess, my throat burning raw.
