I dragged myself to the edge of the bed, tore the bandage off my wrist, and forced out a few drops of blood.
They fell onto the baby's cracked lips, and he wouldn't swallow.
I passed out.
Somewhere in the haze of it, the scent of cedar drifted to my side.
"How is she?"
The doctor kept his voice very low. "Not good. Miss Marisol has lost too much blood. She's far too weak. If she goes back out to sea, there's a good chance she won't come back."
"Is there any way?"
Asher Sanchez didn't say it outright.
But everyone knew it wasn't a way to save me. It was a way to keep me going out to sea.
The sea was brutal.
The salt wind cut across your face like a knife, the blazing sun split and peeled the skin. Sometimes a swell came, and one missed footing sent you into the water, never to make it home again.
How could he ever bear to send Emily out there.
"This child is underdeveloped. He survives entirely on Miss Marisol's blood."
"Unless you give up the child, Miss Marisol's blood won't be enough. Sooner or later something will go wrong."
This time, Asher was silent for a long while.
I could feel his hand touch the baby, and then, cruelly, carry him away.
"Then we won't keep him. He's a monster anyway."
"Emily's already booked the postpartum center. My brother's out at sea, so I have to stay with her. It'll have to fall to Marisol."
So this was the taste of despair. So bitter.
Tears slid into the corner of my mouth as I struggled to open my eyes.
"Asher Sanchez."
He turned his head. There was still blood on his hands.
I gave a small smile. "Give me back my heart-scale."
A woman of the Merfolk Clan gives her heart-scale to the one she loves, praying to the Sea God that his life be smooth,
that every disaster fall only upon herself.
I had decided I would not love Asher Sanchez anymore.
"Why?"
He walked back and sat down on the edge of the bed.
"Marisol, you can take it out on me. But losing the baby isn't my fault either. Even with my memory gone, I'm still grieving too."
He didn't understand.
He took my withdrawing my love as a fit of temper.
I stared at him until he turned his face away.
"I gave it to Emily."
"She said she thought it was unique, so she had it made into a necklace."
"It's just a scale. Be generous about it."
Generous.
He was always telling me to be generous, to let things go.
But he never once asked whether I was willing.
He said his memory loss made him slip up, but I had to be generous and understanding, to forgive him.
One day he would remember, and turn back into the man who loved me.
But that day stretched endlessly out of reach.
And I couldn't afford to wait any longer.
"Once this voyage is over, I'll—"
"Marry me?"
He was silent. "Once I remember, I'll marry you."
But a love that had never existed in the first place, how was he supposed to remember it.
My voice was shaking. "When you slaughtered the Merfolk Clan, you couldn't remember your love for me then either. How would you remember it now?"
"Marisol. Has someone told you something?"
He stood up, his steps unsteady.
I grabbed hold of him, and the wound on my wrist split open.
Blood dripped onto the back of his hand, and he flinched as if scalded. "They're lying to you."
"You're the one lying to me. Asher Sanchez, hundreds of lives. Have you forgotten them all?!"
"You... you know everything?"
"It was an accident. I only wanted to cure Emily."
I let go of him.
The last shred of feeling in my heart died too.
"It's time. Emily panics if she wakes and doesn't see me. You should rest."
He stepped away, and I followed behind him.
We walked out of the cabin, and the edge of the sky was slowly brightening.
I stood on the deck and watched the hurry in his steps.
The sea wind moaned, as if pleading with him to stay, and seeing me off.
