3: 3
I lowered my head, numb, and took out my phone.
Elijah had messaged me two hours earlier, a long list of errands to run.
At that moment, I had been lying on the operating table,
feeling a life I had guarded so carefully for three months being pulled out of my body.
I said quietly, "I didn't see it."
Elijah's face darkened at once. "You didn't see it?"
"So you carry a phone around for decoration? Everyone's been sitting here starving, waiting on you, and all you've got is 'I didn't see it'? Is there anything you can actually do right?"
Right on cue, Tamara clutched her chest and looked ready to faint.
Elijah spun to her in a panic. "Tammy, what's wrong?"
Her voice went faint. "It's nothing… I probably just haven't eaten in too long. A little low blood sugar…"
His face tightened. He shot up, went to the bar counter, and yanked out the gift box tucked at the very bottom.
It was the nougat I'd never let myself touch.
The words came out before I could stop them. "Please don't open that."
"That's a specialty my professor brought me. I've got fruit candy in my bag…"
"Who cares about your specialty?" He glared at me, brows drawn tight. "Because you didn't buy any food, Tammy's about to collapse, do you get that? Low blood sugar can kill someone!"
He tore the box open, unwrapped a piece, and carefully held it to Tamara's lips.
I stood where I was, watching him.
Low blood sugar can kill someone?
So he did know low blood sugar could turn deadly.
But back when I was on the fertility drugs, injecting myself, sick to my stomach, days when I couldn't keep anything down,
the night I woke in a cold sweat, shaking so hard from low blood sugar that I sobbed and begged him to get me a piece of candy,
what was he doing then?
His amnesia had struck again.
He'd looked at me half asleep and mumbled, "What did you just say?"
I watched them tear the box apart, laughing, passing my nougat around and eating it.
Tamara looked at me, all wounded innocence. "Don't be angry with me. I really do have low blood sugar. I wasn't trying to take your things on purpose… I'll buy you a new box to make up for it."
Elijah patted her head. "Why are you explaining yourself to her? She's got a heart the size of a pinhead."
His friends chimed in. "Right, you're being way too petty. What's a box of candy even worth? And it doesn't taste that good anyway."
"Tammy's not feeling well, and you, the wife of this house, her sister-in-law, don't care one bit?"
"Eli, get your wife under control. That face of hers is bad luck to look at."
Elijah couldn't stand losing face. He cleared his throat.
"All right, all right. She's pregnant, she's in a mood, don't hold it against her."
"Hang tight, guys, I'll take her out to buy food, and when we're back we'll drink properly."
He hauled me toward the door without waiting for an answer.
Pain dragged low in my belly and I stumbled, but he shoved me roughly into the passenger seat anyway.
Elijah wrenched at the wheel, going at me the whole way.
"Paula, are you trying to make me look bad on purpose?"
"Tammy and the others came over to help treat my illness. Would running one errand really kill you?"
"They're my brothers. You married me and you can't even be bothered to host my friends?"
I didn't say a word.
He was really deep into this game.
I knew why he was angry.
Elijah was at the bottom of the pecking order in that circle.
Tamara was its center: good family, beautiful, everyone orbiting around her.
The others all had backgrounds of their own.
Only Elijah had trailed behind them since childhood, used to being the outsider who kept the mood lively.
Underneath it all, he felt small.
And to win their favor, to prove he was somebody too, the only way he could feel like he mattered was by pushing me around.
He was showing them: look, my wife does whatever I say, whatever I tell her. In my house I'm the absolute authority.
"Say something! Are you mute?" When I stayed silent, Elijah shouted, out of patience. "What were you off doing earlier?"
I drew a breath. "I had surgery today."
He frowned. "Surgery? It was just an endoscopy."
"Can you not be so delicate? Tammy's had an endoscopy too and she wasn't wailing about it."
I looked at him. "You remember?"
He froze, realizing he'd let it slip.
But he kept up the front. "Yeah, that's just how my condition works. Anyway, isn't remembering a good thing? It means my illness is heading in the right direction."
I didn't say anything more. I just lowered my head.
The day Tamara had her endoscopy was my birthday.
He'd forgotten it completely and spent a full day and night at her side.
When he came home, he looked at me with those apologetic eyes again and said he couldn't remember.
I followed silently behind him, and we bought the food together.
Downstairs at the building, I reached out without thinking to take the bags from his hand.
Elijah pulled his arm away. "Enough, you're pregnant, don't strain yourself. I'll carry them."
Hearing that, the irony sat bitter in me.
It was probably the only shred of mercy he had left for me, or rather, for that child.
He pushed the door open, and the living room was thick with smoke, beer cans knocked over across the floor.
Ervin spotted us and started up right away.
"Hey, just drinking is boring, we want homemade dumplings!"
Elijah laughed. "No problem, Paula will make them for you."
He turned to me. "Go on. Make a few kinds of filling. Tammy loves shrimp, so make her some of those separately."
I walked into the kitchen without a word.
The anesthesia from the procedure had worn off completely by now. My belly was cramping, and cold sweat kept breaking over me.
I forced myself to keep chopping. My vision went black,
and the blade sliced open my index finger. Blood came pouring out.
