I honestly had no idea what to say to someone this shameless, someone who insisted on calling a girl his "bro."
So I just watched him with a flat expression, letting him put on his little show.
Which, of course, he took the wrong way.
He placed a hand on my shoulder, his tone heavy with fake sincerity.
“Bro, I'm gonna be straight with you. I really don't see you that way.”
“Even if you stripped naked and stood right in front of me, all I'd do is pick up your clothes for you.”
“So just stop wasting your time, okay?”
My fists clenched.
I held it in, kept holding it in, but I was a hair away from slapping him across the face.
Dorothy suddenly came over and looped her arm through mine, all sugary smiles.
“Hey Mildred, come on, don't be mad. This is all my fault.”
“Let's go, I'll treat you to some ice cream. Order whatever you want, my treat.”
Before I could even process what was happening, she'd dragged me to the front of the ice cream shop.
A guy in skin-tight skinny jeans with bleached blond hair stood there, one hand raking through his hair, sizing me up with a lazy smirk.
“So you're Mildred? You don't look like a tomboy to me.”
I turned to look at Darrell.
He was beaming.
“This is the boyfriend Dorothy found for you. Pretty good, right? You're welcome.”
I looked at the bleach-blond guy again.
My head was buzzing.
Darrell was still running his mouth across from me.
“You didn't date anyone all through high school. Your buddy here gets it. You just never met the right guy.”
“He's Dorothy's cousin, goes to vocational school. Looks, style, personality, the whole package.”
He let out a smug little laugh.
“Sure, he's not quite on my level, but he's more than good enough for you. So quit pining after me, yeah?”
“So? You like what you see?”
I was so furious I laughed.
“No, I do NOT like what I see!”
“And let me make this crystal clear! If I ever had feelings for you, Darrell Dickerson, may I go blind on the spot!”
Darrell froze.
Dorothy immediately panicked.
“No! You're not allowed to like my Darrell!”
The bleach-blond guy sucked his teeth, pinching his chin thoughtfully.
“Doesn't make sense. Never met a high school girl who didn't fall for me.”
Then something occurred to him, and he stared at Darrell in shock.
“Wait. She doesn't like guys?”
Darrell went rigid, immediately pulled Dorothy into his arms, and glared at me like I was a threat.
“Don't you touch Dorothy!”
I stood there, thunderstruck.
So in Darrell Dickerson's mind, I wasn't just after him, I was after his girlfriend too?
I was some kind of freak.
A deviant.
“The three of you don't share a single functioning brain cell between you!”
I couldn't be bothered with these people anymore and turned to leave.
I barely made it two steps before the bleach-blond guy caught up, shoved a two-dollar ice cream cone into my hand, and flashed a crooked grin.
“Impressed by my big spender move yet?”
“Your opinion doesn't matter. I've got my eye on you, so that makes you my girl.”
“Stick with me and you'll have all the ice cream you can eat. Forever.”
I was completely dumbfounded.
“Get out of my way!”
Dorothy looked genuinely baffled.
“Mildred, my cousin's basically a celebrity at his school. You're being way too picky.”
Darrell shook his head with open contempt.
“Buddy, the man drops two bucks on an ice cream cone without blinking. If I were you, I'd have jumped him already.”
I took a deep breath.
Then I shoved the ice cream cone straight into Darrell's face and ground it in.
“You're clearly delirious from the heat. Cool off!”
Dorothy stared at the cream smeared all over Darrell's face, flailing uselessly.
“Darrell, oh my God, what do we do, what do we do……”
The bleach-blond guy let out a pained sigh.
“If you weren't gonna eat it, you could've given it to me. What a waste!”
I rolled my eyes and put distance between us.
“Darrell, lose my number. We don't run in the same circles, and there's no point pretending we do.”
