Another wave of dizziness hit me hard and I grabbed the edge of the table to steady myself. My memories felt strange again, blurry around the edges.
I forgot what Gideon’s laugh sounded like for a second. Then I forgot the exact way he used to hold my hand.
The panic should’ve terrified me but instead, it felt relieving.
Was this what dying slowly felt like or was this freedom?
I closed my eyes and let out a shaky breath.
I decided then. I’d endure one more month. I’d let myself completely forget Gideon Salerno before the surgery erased him for good.
I didn’t want to wake up from that operating table still loving a man who treated me like I was disposable.
One month later was supposed to be our wedding.
Funny. For Gideon, it was probably just another business alliance between powerful mafia families. For me, it would become the funeral for everything I ever felt for him.
My phone wouldn’t stop ringing after that.
Mom. Dad. Uncles. Aunts. Even old family friends from the syndicate kept calling after hearing about the scandal at the engagement banquet.
I answered every call calmly.
“I’m okay.”
“Don’t worry about me.”
“It’s not a big deal.”
My voice sounded so steady that they all became even more nervous. Nobody dared push further.
Everyone probably thought I was heartbroken beyond repair after being abandoned publicly by the future boss of the Red Bullets Mafia.
But the truth was worse.
I was forgetting him little by little. And the tumor pressing against my nerves was slowly taking my love and hatred for Gideon with it.
The penthouse became silent again after the calls ended. I took out a notebook and started writing while I could still remember things.
Mom’s favorite flowers. Dad’s birthday. The names of my childhood friends. The restaurants Grandpa liked.
Page after page filled with memories I didn’t want to lose.. But I never wrote Gideon’s name. Not even once.
Then I hung a homemade thirty day calendar on the wall beside our wedding photo.
Every day I’d tear off one page.
Every day I’d love Gideon a little less.
And when the last page disappeared...
So would he.
Another sharp wave of pain exploded through my skull. The picture frame beside the calendar suddenly fell and shattered across the floor.
I dropped to my knees with a gasp, pressing my hand against my pounding head while broken glass sliced into my finger. Blood dripped onto the photo, onto my smiling face.
In that picture, I looked so happy staring at Gideon like he was my whole world.
Gideon looked the same as always.
Cold. Untouchable. Like a king standing beside a woman he never wanted.
Back then, I told myself that was just his personality. Gideon Salerno wasn’t warm with anyone. He was raised in blood and violence and power. Men like him didn’t know how to love softly.
So I endured everything during our four years together.
His indifference. His disappearances. The coldness. The endless nights waiting alone while he handled mafia business for the Red Bullets or built Salerno Empire Holdings into a corporate monster nobody could challenge. I thought patience would eventually make him love me.
But tonight destroyed that fantasy completely.
Because when Judith called him earlier, I saw it clearly.
The panic in his eyes. The fear. The desperation.
Gideon was capable of loving someone deeply.
That someone just wasn’t me.
....
The penthouse lights suddenly turned on. I looked toward the door and saw Gideon finally coming home. His black dress shirt sleeves were rolled up and tattoos disappeared beneath the fabric. A gun rested visibly at his waist like always.
He walked in carrying a takeout bag from the restaurant Judith loved.
Our eyes met but there wasn’t a single trace of guilt on his face, not even regret.
He placed the bag on the table casually.
“Eat something,” he said flatly. “You barely touched food tonight.”
Maybe Gideon just assumed I’d forgive him no matter what he did. Maybe he thought bringing me food was already generous enough.
I slowly opened the bag. Inside was a half eaten steak. Judith’s favorite order.
I could even see lipstick marks on the wine glass packed beside it. Something twisted painfully in my chest. So this was what I’d become to him? A woman eating another woman’s leftovers while waiting alone at home like some obedient dog?
Gideon loosened his cufflinks and glanced at the broken glass on the floor.
“You’re bleeding,” he said coldly.
I looked down at my hand. “Oh,” I whispered quietly. “I didn’t notice.”
And strangely enough... I really hadn’t.
Gideon frowned the second he saw the shattered picture frame on the floor.
His sharp eyes moved to me kneeling beside the broken glass, then to the countdown calendar hanging on the wall.
“You’re the future heir of the Laureen family,” he said coldly while loosening the black gloves on his hands. “You should learn how to control your emotions better than this. Throwing a tantrum over our photos is childish.” Then he glanced at the calendar again and clicked his tongue softly.
“It’s just a wedding, Selah. Not some life changing event.” His voice turned colder. “You know I hate unnecessary formalities.”
He thought I made the calendar because I was excited to marry him.
If only he knew.
Every page hanging there was counting down to my disappearance. To the day I’d finally forget him completely. I lowered my head and quietly hummed in agreement.
“I know.”
That was all I said before continuing to clean the broken glass from the floor. Gideon stood there silently for a while.
I could feel his eyes on me.
Normally I would’ve asked him where he went. Why did he abandon me? Why did he look happier with Judith than he’d ever looked with me? But I am too tired now.
Too numb.
And maybe because my memories were already disappearing, even my heartbreak didn’t feel as sharp anymore. That seemed to unsettle him more than anger would’ve.
I noticed the slight tension in his jaw. The way his fingers flexed beside him.
For the first time in years, Gideon looked like he couldn’t read me anymore.
And somehow that made him uneasy.
After a long silence, his expression softened slightly.
Maybe he remembered everything I’d done for him over the years. The blood I cleaned for him. The sleepless nights waiting for him after mafia meetings. The way I stood beside him while he built Salerno Empire Holdings into an empire feared by everyone.
Without another word, he grabbed the first aid kit from the cabinet and crouched in front of me.
“Hold still,” he muttered.
His fingers wrapped around my hand carefully while bandaging the cut on my finger.
“Next time, be more careful. Don’t act impulsively just because you’re upset. It's pathetic.”
I stared at him blankly.
Funny.
The same man who could order executions without blinking was being gentle with my injured hand.
For a second, my chest hurt again.
I almost whispered thank you. But before I could speak, Gideon’s phone suddenly lit up.
