3: 3
3
My heart, already frozen over, quietly stirred with a little hope again.
The past few years, every time my birthday came around, Mom would sigh and shake her head.
"There's no telling whether Jonathan's taking care of himself out there. Let's hold off on your birthday for now."
"We'll celebrate together once Jonathan's back."
Maybe Mom and Dad just missed my brother so much, so far away overseas, that they'd overlooked me without meaning to.
I told myself that, and even the pouring rain felt a little sweet.
The whole way back, I couldn't calm down.
When I got home, there wasn't a soul in the house.
I ran into the neighbor. "Your family just went out to dinner together. How come you didn't go?"
Any other time, I would have quietly ached over that.
This time I lifted my head and answered lightly.
"Yeah, my brother's home, so everyone went out to celebrate."
I changed into clean clothes and jogged all the way to the seafood restaurant from the night before.
By the time I got there, they were nearly finished eating.
They glanced up at me, then went right back to their fun.
The letdown rose in me, but the thought of my birthday three days away made me quickly talk myself out of being petty.
After I'd filled my stomach with plain water, they finally stood up.
Cheryl looked tenderly at Jonathan beside her.
"Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan, Jonathan hasn't been home in so long. I booked a photography studio just for this."
"Let's go get a family portrait taken. Something to remember it by."
Everyone agreed with the idea at once.
It hit me then. Back when Cheryl and I were secretly dating, she'd promised.
"Once you're done with your SATs, we'll get a set of couple photos taken and announce it to the whole world."
Was she planning to make it official today, with the whole family here?
I pressed down hard on the pounding in my chest and followed behind them in silence.
Inside the studio, Mom and Dad sat neatly in the front row.
Jonathan and Cheryl stood side by side, matched so well they looked like a wedding shoot.
I hesitated, then went to stand on Cheryl's other side, only for the photographer to point at me.
"You there. What you're wearing doesn't really go with the rest. It throws off the whole picture."
I looked down at my old school uniform, washed pale.
The rest of them had all arranged beforehand to wear light clothes in the same color family.
Only me. I looked like an outsider who'd wandered into the frame by mistake.
Mom turned to glance at me. "Sit this one out."
I twisted my fingers together. "Isn't this a family portrait?"
Dad knit his brows. "When we say step aside, you step aside. Why all the backtalk?"
Cheryl was leaning close to Jonathan, saying something to him, not noticing my embarrassment at all.
The hurt jammed up in my throat, and all I could do was quietly retreat into the shadows off to the side.
It's fine. Cheryl will announce it in a bit.
Once they'd finally finished the family portrait, Mom and Dad stood up, beaming at the two of them.
"Cheryl, why don't you take one alone with Jonathan?"
"You two are dressed so well together today. It'd be a shame not to."
Jonathan flushed. Cheryl smiled and pulled him over.
"Then let's take one."
I stood off to the side, holding my patience, watching them take one intimate photo after another.
At last it ended, and my heart was in my throat.
But she only gave me a faint glance, and then the whole group walked right past me and out.
The promise from before, she'd forgotten it completely.
I blinked hard, forcing back the wet stinging in my eyes.
Maybe she wanted to save it for my birthday itself, to surprise me.
I should trust her.
Over the next two days, cold as everyone stayed toward me, I tried my hardest to please every one of them.
I cleaned up the living room without being asked, washed the dishes piled in the sink, and carefully looked after the puppy Jonathan had brought home, Toffee.
The night before my birthday, I dug out the bank card I'd been saving on for years.
I quietly worked it out. If they gave me a birthday present tomorrow, what should I pick out to give them in return.
I tossed and turned all night, and waited for dawn with my heart full of hope.
