Long after Jere's sports car had driven away, I still did not come out from behind the pillar in the corner.
I lowered my arm. It was covered in many teeth marks, all of them from when I had bitten myself just moments ago to keep from making a sound.
My body felt unbearably heavy, yet my soul felt weightless, as if it were about to float out of my body.
I knew I was dissociated from reality again, which meant that I was in depression now.
When Jere was pursuing me and learned about my past, his eyes had reddened with sympathy.
He had taken me to see therapists again and again, never growing impatient because of it, and repeatedly told me that everything in the past was over.
Back then, he had said that the future would only get better.
He had even promised that as long as he was here with me, he would never let me get worse.
Suddenly, I thought it was ironic.
The man who had repeatedly promised that he would never let me get psychologically sick again had been doing things that were driving me toward a breakdown all along.
He knew what I had been through.
He knew how difficult it was for someone with severe trauma to climb out of it and learn to trust and love the world again.
He also knew that once I learned the truth, my condition might worsen, that I might fall into complete despair and never be able to get back on my feet.
But he did it anyway.
He had used me, a patient, and my sincere love for him, as a stepping stone toward his great love.
It suddenly rained, and I did not know when it had started.
But I was completely unaware of it, wandering dazedly through the downpour.
My hair hung loose, and rainwater streamed down my face and neck.
I could not even see the traffic lights or hear the honking, and I finally came back to my senses when the sound of an emergency brake and a chorus of angry curses rang out.
Someone said, "Are you trying to get yourself killed? Not here, okay?!"
And someone said, "Can't you watch where you're going when crossing the street?"
I turned around sluggishly and saw a middle-aged man gripping my arm tightly.
He had saved me.
With his other hand, he held an umbrella over my head, then pushed the handle into my hand and said earnestly, "Young lady, no matter how hard things get, you can always get through them."
I stared blankly at him, unable to tell whether the water running down my face was rain or tears.
He waved at me and walked toward the crosswalk in the rain.
I had not cried at the parking lot.
But now, with the kindness of a stranger, I finally couldn't hold back my tears anymore.
I lowered my head and suddenly crouched down right there in the middle of the crowded, rain-soaked street and sobbed, breaking down.
There were more than a dozen missed calls on my phone.
Some were from my mother.
Others were from Jere.
I deleted my phone records with Jere with a single tap.
We had so many calls that I could no longer find our very first call.
I had once thought that was proof of how much we loved each other.
We had been so close that neither of us could bear to be apart for a minute.
Even being separated for a little while, we would always have endless things to talk about, from something as trivial as the black-and-white cat by the roadside giving birth to kittens to something as important as what style we wanted for our future home.
Now I realized that all those things he had said were just lies for me, a gullible fool.
I wondered what he had been thinking while talking to me.
Then I thought he probably believed he would never find someone more gullible and useful to his stepping stone than me.
I called my mother back and said, "Yeah, it is raining really hard. I did not hear my phone ringing.
My voice?... It's fine. I just have a little cold. My nose is stuffed up, so my voice sounds a little hoarse, right? Do not worry, Mom. I'll be okay."
I truly believed I would be okay.
I tightened my grip around my phone until my knuckles turned pale. "Mom, actually, there is something I want to tell you. I changed my mind. I have decided to settle in Hispania with you and Callum."
I forced my lips to lift upward, putting on a smile. "I might not be the flower girl for your wedding with Callum, but I can at least be a bridesmaid, right? I am really fine, Mom. I will resign from my job and pack my things for shipment right away. Wait for me."
I went home to pack my things.
I assumed Jere would definitely not be there. After all, he had already gotten what he wanted.
Nina, the woman he had always longed for and truly loved, regretted leaving him.
I imagined they were probably busy getting back together, lost in their reunion.
At the door of our home, I had just entered the password, and I had not even had time to open the door when it was suddenly pulled open from the inside.
Jere stared at me, soaked from head to toe, breathing heavily.
His brows immediately and evidently knitted together, as if he were deeply worried about me.
He quickly pulled me inside.
Ignoring my struggles and resistance, he pressed me down onto the couch and wrapped me tightly in a wool blanket with practiced ease.
I was bundled up like a moth trapped inside its own cocoon, unable to move.
He took a large towel and gently dried my hair and face.
As he dried my hair, he kept reproving me. "Where did you go? Why did you not answer when I called you so many times? It was raining hard. Why did you not call me and ask me to pick you up? You had me searching everywhere for you. What if you catch a cold or come down with a fever after getting soaked like that? Nancy, do you know how much effort it took me to make you this beautiful and radiant? And this is how you treat yourself? Are you trying to drive me crazy?"
I felt dazed.
And I started to wonder if my condition had gotten worse, and if I was hallucinating something that had never happened before.
I even wondered if what I had seen in the parking lot that afternoon had really just been a nightmare, and if he had just been playing a wonderful boyfriend like this.
His phone rang.
Jere glanced at his phone and stopped drying my hair. He looked at me awkwardly.
In that instant, I knew I had not been dreaming.
And everything that had happened in the parking lot was real.
Jere turned his back to me and hid in the study to take the call.
I stood silently at the doorway in my bare feet, watching him cover the microphone with his hand and speak in a low voice, his lips curling into a doting smile.
He said, "I am glad you like it. When I had it cut, I was thinking about how happy you would be when you received it. I even found the jewelry designer you like."
He casually turned his head and met my calm gaze. His entire body froze.
"Nancy?" he said with a slightly panicked voice.
