I brought fruit over to my son and daughter-in-law's place.
That's when I noticed the WiFi name had been changed to "SZCLMH," and the password was now "OWHSFF."
The letters seemed random, so I couldn't help asking what they stood for.
My son kept his head down and said nothing. My daughter-in-law bit back a grin as she answered.
"It's easy to remember! The WiFi name stands for 'Stupid Zombie Comes to Leech at My House,' and the password is 'Old Witch Haunts Stink Forever.'"
"Some people don't know when they're not welcome and keep barging in on our private time, so I changed it on purpose."
"And it's not just the WiFi. The doormat out front says 'Stupid Pig Keep Out.' Did you seriously not see it, Mom?"
Even if I were the biggest fool alive, I understood exactly what my daughter-in-law was saying. She was calling me a stupid, unwelcome pig. After all, nobody else used their WiFi, and I happened to be born in the Year of the Pig.
My son, Adam Fleming, saw the look on my face and rushed to explain.
"Mom, don't be upset. Charlotte really didn't mean it that way."
"But you do come over a little too often. Almost once a month. It really does affect my time alone with Charlotte."
"They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? Maybe you could just... visit less."
I let out a cold laugh.
"Since you two can't stand the sight of this old witch who 'stinks forever,' then hand over the keys and get out."
——
The house was one I'd purchased years ago. Back then, Adam was still young, so the deed was in my name. When he grew up and got married, the neighborhood had appreciated nicely, so I had the place renovated and gave it to them as a wedding gift.
So the moment those words left my mouth, I held out my hand for the keys.
Their faces darkened instantly.
Then it hit me.
"Right. I forgot. It's a keypad lock." I straightened up. "Then pack your things and get out. I'll delete your access codes myself. That way you won't have to suffer seeing me in my own house."
Charlotte Baxter slammed her palm on the table, ready to explode, but Adam grabbed her arm and turned to me.
"Mom, what are you talking about?"
"Charlotte was just joking! 'Stinks forever' isn't even a bad thing. We meant it like... we hope you live ten thousand years! In ancient times, only emperors got that kind of blessing!"
"And 'old witch' is even more of a compliment."
"I call Charlotte a little vixen all the time. It's just how young people joke around!"
I was so angry I actually laughed.
I was old. I wasn't stupid.
But when Adam saw me laugh, he let out a breath of relief, apparently thinking I'd forgiven them.
Charlotte seized the moment with a haughty snort.
"But honestly, you can't blame us for complaining about how often you show up. If you had any sense of boundaries, we wouldn't find you so annoying."
"And stop making a federal case out of everything. The WiFi wasn't even about you!"
"Right, Adam?"
Adam pressed his lips together to keep from laughing and nodded.
This was the boy I'd raised from diapers. The son I'd fed and bathed and nursed through every fever. And here he stood, looking me dead in the eye, lying through his teeth.
I backhanded him across the face.
"Every single time I come here, it's to bring you things."
"I text ahead so I won't bother you. When I get here, I never punch in the code. I knock and wait at the door. How is that not respecting your boundaries?"
"And Charlotte says the WiFi password wasn't aimed at me? Then who was it aimed at? Your father?"
Charlotte watched the red mark bloom on Adam's cheek, torn between fury and heartache.
Her face went dark. She jabbed a finger inches from my nose and screamed.
"Fine! Yes! That password was one hundred percent about you, you miserable old hag! 'Good people die young, but a curse lives a thousand years.' That's YOU!"
I looked at Adam.
"This is the wonderful wife you married?"
