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After I could hear my family's thoughts, I learned that every kindness they'd ever shown me was only to keep my sister happy.
When Mom ladled soup into my bowl, what she was thinking was:
【If Nia sees this, she won't feel like we only love her sister.】
When Dad came to my parent-teacher night, it was because June Swanson had suddenly decided she didn't want him at hers.
The birthday gift my brother gave me came in the color June had picked over and left behind.
Even when my fiancé, Sebastian James, draped a coat over my shoulders, the thought in his head was:
【If June were here, she'd get jealous again for sure.】
I pretended I knew nothing.
After all, on the surface they still cared. They still called the doctor when I ran a fever, still wrote my name on my birthday cake.
Until the flash flood came.
The rescue boat had room for only one more person.
June clung to Mom, crying, saying she was scared.
Every one of their thoughts rang out at the same moment.
【Let June go first.】
But out loud, Dad said to me:
"You're a strong swimmer. Just hold on a little longer."
Sebastian pulled off his life vest and fastened it around June, and he couldn't even meet my eyes.
"Nia, I'll come right back for you."
The rescue boat pulled slowly away.
Their thoughts scattered in the downpour, and all that was left were little rushes of relief.
【Thank God June's okay.】
When the water rose to my chest, I suddenly thought this ability of mine was a good thing.
At least, before I died, I finally didn't have to keep mistaking their love for me.
...
The rain hit my face and it hurt.
On the rescue boat in the distance, Sebastian carefully tucked a shell jacket tight around my sister, June.
Dad had his arm around Mom, who was trembling, and their backs blurred into the sheets of rain.
The wind and rain were fierce, yet every one of their thoughts still carried, sharp and clear, through wave after wave, straight into my ears.
【Thank God June got on. She's so frail—if she'd been soaking in this filthy water, she'd have come down with something serious!】
Mom thought, relieved.
【Letitia Swanson's a strong swimmer. She even won a medal at the school swim meet back then. Another half hour in the water won't be the end of her. Once June's in the safe zone, I'll come back with the rescue team for her. That'll square things with her.】
Sebastian shielded June from the wind and rain with his body while he told himself all of this.
I tugged the corner of my mouth into something like a smirk, and the floodwater rushed into my mouth, thick with the reek of mud.
My palms clawed at the waterlogged bark of the camphor tree behind me, blood seeping out from under my nails.
But in the icy river, I couldn't even feel the pain.
I really had won a medal at the school swim meet.
But that was because June said she wanted to see a gold medal, so Dad forced me to sign up. Even when my legs cramped in training, he'd say, face dark, that I was just being lazy.
The current grew faster, and a huge slab of driftwood slammed into my lower spine.
The pain tore through me, my hands gave out, and in an instant I was dragged into a churning whirlpool.
The frozen current poured into my windpipe from every side, and the suffocation swallowed me like a rising tide.
My body kept sinking, and everything around me sank into dead, silent darkness.
I might be about to die.
So it turned out that when a person is close to death, their life really does flash before their eyes.
I saw the whole twenty years I'd lived.
When I was five, I fell down the old well back home.
Back then Dad wasn't cold the way he is now. He kicked off his shoes, stripped off his shirt, and climbed down the rope like a madman, and held me tight against him.
Mom cried at the mouth of the well until her limbs went weak, screaming that she'd trade her own life to keep Nia safe.
That year, my brother piled every snack he'd saved up for half a year at the head of my bed, thumped his chest, and swore that from then on he'd be the one to protect his little sister.
Those memories were warm, warm enough to sting my eyes.
They really had loved me once, I thought.
Was it because June got so sick later, and it took all their attention, that they no longer had any to spare for me?
If they reached the safe zone now and saw the rain getting worse, would they suddenly remember that I was a girl who could feel pain too?
The air in my lungs was completely gone, and my mind began to scatter.
Just as I was about to give up struggling for good, a blinding light flared to life on the dim surface of the water above me.
A powerful searchlight beam was cutting through the murky water, shining straight in my direction.
Faintly, from above the surface, there seemed to come ragged shouting.
Had they turned back to save me?
