2: 2
2. I couldn't make sense of what my mother had just said.
"Why does it have to be me who stays home?"
Before she could answer, my sister cut in from the side, all snide.
"Bev, everyone in the family already got their passports. Did you get yours?"
"Even if you applied now, the fastest it'd come through is five days."
I stared at her, blank.
"When did you all get passports?"
"Why didn't anyone tell me?"
She didn't even lift her head, just kept scrolling on her phone.
"You're the one watching the house. What's the point of you having a passport?"
At first I thought she was just trying to needle me.
I turned to my mother.
"Mom, what is going on here?"
"You got your passport too?"
She wouldn't meet my eyes. Her voice came out flat.
"Your sister already told you."
She said it lightly.
Like it was something that didn't matter at all.
I just stood there.
Something clamped down on my chest, and I couldn't get a full breath.
Maybe she saw the look on my face, because she added,
"We'll bring you back a present when we're home from vacation."
"What do you want? Have your sister write it down."
She gestured for my sister to open the notes app.
My sister rushed me, annoyed. "Bev, hurry up and say it, my phone's about to die."
I opened my mouth, and my mind went blank.
I didn't care about any present.
All I knew was that I was the only one in this family being left behind.
My sister waited a moment, then tossed her phone onto the couch.
"Fine, don't say anything. Just don't complain later that we didn't bring you anything."
Their conversation went on around me.
The sound reached my ears like it was coming through water.
The truth was, the same thing had happened before, when I was little.
The year I was eight, they went to see the ocean.
The day before they left, my mother suddenly crouched down and said to me,
"Grandma and Grandpa miss you. Go stay out in the country for a few days first."
"We'll come get you once your dad and I are back."
I believed her.
I stayed out in the country for a whole week.
The day I came home, I noticed a pile of local specialty snacks on the coffee table.
The packaging had the name of a coastal city printed on it.
I asked my parents where they'd come from.
Without looking up, my father said, "Relatives gave them to us."
And I believed that too.
That belief lasted ten years.
But now I knew.
That year they went to the ocean. They just never planned to take me.
This time was the same.
They were going to Bali, and again they weren't taking me.
Why?
Was I not really their child?
Or was I just that easy to hate?
They started talking about the trip right in front of me.
My sister wanted to hit up some trendy restaurants for the photos.
My mother said she wanted to buy local silk.
There was no way for me to work myself into that conversation.
After all, I was the extra one.
Since no one in this family liked me,
there was no reason left to stay.
As it happened, I'd put down an out-of-state school on my college applications, more than a thousand miles from home.
If I disappeared, wouldn't that mean
this family would finally have no dead weight left?
I looked at the seven thousand and change in my phone balance and opened the flights page.
My finger hovered over the screen for two seconds.
Then I pressed search, no hesitation.
Just then, my sister spoke up.
"Bev, since you've got nothing to do anyway, pack our luggage for us."
"Mom and I are going out to buy toiletries for the trip."
She stood in front of me, chin tipped up slightly.
I looked up and saw it on her face. Entitlement.
Like there was no way I'd say no.
"Why should I?"
My voice wasn't loud, but it was clear.
My sister froze for a second. She probably hadn't expected me to refuse.
She was just opening her mouth to say something
when my mother walked over and slapped the phone right out of my hand.
It landed face-down and shattered on the spot.
