"You killed our son. Someone like you doesn't deserve to be called our son."
My father-in-law and mother-in-law were merciless, pouring every ounce of their grief onto me.
They hired men to drag me straight out of the hospital,
break my legs, strip me, and dump me on the side of the road.
Before they left, they held up photos of me at my most wretched and said:
"The people who hired us told us that as long as you're suffering, they're satisfied."
"You'd better keep your head down and stay invisible. If you so much as try to find a job, these photos go viral."
I gathered my clothes in numb silence, dragging my shattered legs behind me,
and fled to a remote small town like a rat driven from the gutter. I survived by picking through trash.
Five full years. It wasn't until I collapsed on the roadside and someone brought me to a hospital that I learned the truth: I had HIV.
The doctor reviewed my medical history. The sympathy in his voice was unmistakable:
"I'm so sorry, sir. Based on your records, I believe you were infected through a contaminated blood transfusion years ago. Rest assured, a medical incident this severe will be reported immediately. You will get answers."
"Your body is critically depleted, and multiple complications have already set in. At this rate, you have a month at most. You need to transfer to a specialized facility right away. There may still be a chance."
I laughed. I just started laughing, and then the tears came.
"No need. This is good. I'm finally going to die."
I'd killed my brother and my wife.
Now, at last, I could pay for it with my life.
At last, I could live out whatever was left in peace.
But even death wouldn't let me go quietly.
The complications hit all at once.
I vomited blood constantly, the pain so unbearable I'd collapse on the ground, panting like a dying animal.
Even the doctor's eyes were red when he urged me to take the strongest painkillers available.
But a single pill cost over a hundred dollars. How could I possibly afford that?
The hospital staff took pity on me and found me a job caring for a terminally ill dementia patient.
I thought I would die like that. Quietly. Without a ripple.
I never expected that in the final stretch of my life, I would stumble onto a lie that had destroyed everything.
But I had no strength left to hate. No strength left to resent.
All I wanted was to walk through my last ten days with whatever dignity and silence I could hold onto.
...
I returned to the ward without a word, carrying a clean basin to change out for the old man.
But my parents came back. They grabbed my hand.
"Your brother's lost too much blood! You're the only one whose blood type matches his! You need to come with us right now for a transfusion!"
I stood where I was. Didn't move.
"I'm not going."
"I can't give him my blood."
A blank look crossed my parents' faces, just for a second, before fury took over.
"Your brother is like this because of YOU! He's in hemorrhagic shock! You won't give him blood? You want to watch him die?"
"I know what this is. You're still holding a grudge over the accident five years ago, aren't you? Over Rex and Gretchen? You're the one who threw yourself in front of that car! What right do you have to blame them?"
I said nothing.
My mother seized my hand, her voice caught somewhere between rage and begging:
"If you want revenge, take it out on me! I'll get on my knees and knock my head on the floor if that's what it takes! Just spare your brother! He's already suffered enough!"
I turned my head away, swallowing the bitterness down.
"I need to get back to work."
Gretchen stepped in front of me and knocked the basin out of my hands.
