3: 3
3
My frozen heart quietly grew a little hope again.
Over the past few years, every time my birthday came around, my mother would sigh and shake her head.
"Who knows if Nellie's managing to take care of herself out there. Let's hold off on your birthday for now."
"We'll celebrate together once Nellie's home."
Maybe Mom and Dad were just so worried about my sister so far overseas that they'd forgotten me without meaning to.
I told myself that, and even the pouring rain seemed a little charming.
The whole way there, I couldn't calm down.
When I got home, the house was empty. Not a soul.
I ran into a neighbor. "Your family just went out to dinner together. How come you didn't go?"
Any other time, I'd have quietly ached over it.
This time I lifted my chin and answered lightly.
"Yeah, my sister's back. Everyone went out to celebrate."
I changed into clean clothes and jogged over to the seafood restaurant from the night before.
By the time I arrived, they were nearly done eating.
They glanced up at me and went right back to their own laughter.
Disappointment rose in me, but the moment I thought of my birthday three days away, I hurried to tell myself not to be so petty.
After I'd filled my stomach with plain tap water, they finally stood up.
Carter looked tenderly at Nellie beside him.
"Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan, Nellie hasn't been back in so long. I booked a photography studio just for this."
"Let's go take a family portrait. Something to remember it by."
Everyone agreed at once.
It came to me all at once. Back when Carter and I were secretly dating, he'd promised me.
"Once you finish your SATs, we'll go take a set of couple photos and announce it to the whole world."
Was he planning to make it official today, with the whole family here?
I pressed down hard on the flutter surging in my chest and followed silently behind them.
Inside the studio, Dad and Mom sat neatly in the front row.
Nellie and Carter stood shoulder to shoulder, matched enough to look like a wedding shot.
I hesitated a moment, then stepped up to Carter's other side, just as the photographer pointed at me.
"You there. Your outfit doesn't really match. It's throwing off the whole picture."
I looked down at my old school uniform, washed pale.
The rest of them had arranged in advance to wear light clothes in the same tone.
Only me. Like an outsider who'd wandered into the frame by mistake.
Mom turned and glanced at me. "You sit this one out."
I twisted my fingers. "Isn't this a family portrait?"
Dad's brows drew together. "You're told to step down, so step down. Enough with the backtalk."
Carter was bent close to Nellie, saying something, not the least bit aware of how awkward I felt.
The hurt lodged in my throat, and I could only back quietly into the shadows at the side.
It's fine. In a little while, Carter will make it official.
They finally finished the family portrait, and Mom and Dad stood up, beaming at the two of them.
"Carter, why don't you take one alone with Nellie?"
"You two are dressed so well together today. It'd be a shame not to."
Nellie's face went pink, and Carter laughed and pulled her over.
"One, then."
I stood off to the side, holding my patience, watching them take one intimate photo after another.
At last it was over, and my heart climbed into my throat.
Then he only gave me a faint glance, and the whole group walked straight past me and out.
The promise from those days, he'd forgotten it clean.
I blinked hard, forcing down the wetness in my eyes.
Maybe he wanted to wait until my birthday itself to surprise me.
I should believe in him.
Over the next two days, even though everyone stayed as cold as ever, I tried my hardest to please every one of them.
I tidied the living room on my own, washed the piled-up dishes, and carefully looked after Toffee, the little dog Nellie had brought home.
The night before my birthday, I dug out the bank card I'd been saving on for years.
I quietly worked it out. If they gave me a birthday gift tomorrow, what should I pick to give back to them.
I tossed and turned all night, and waited full of hope for morning to come.
