1: 1
The Loving Family group chat was buzzing away.
I took a photo of the college acceptance letter I'd just picked up and sent it to the group.
Dead silence. Not one person answered.
An hour later, my sister posted a two-second voice clip. It was her dog barking.
Mom appeared in a heartbeat. "Toffee's little bark is so adorable, it melted my heart."
Dad was right behind her. "Does Toffee miss Grandpa? Grandpa set up a fancy little villa just for you."
Even Carter Fox, who hadn't replied to my messages in two weeks, suddenly came alive.
"I had someone buy imported dog food from overseas. When are you coming home? I'll take time off to pick you up."
I was sitting on a jolting, packed city bus, the whole car thick with the smell of sweat.
My stomach churned, and my eyes started to sting.
So the letter I'd fought with everything I had to earn wasn't worth as much as one whimper from a puppy.
Fine, I thought. A chat I couldn't fit into, I could just leave.
1
I got off the bus and a wave of heat rolled straight into my face.
My head swam, my legs went weak, and I crouched at the curb for a long time without it easing up.
I opened my chat with Carter. It was still stuck on last night.
"I have to go pick up my acceptance letter at school tomorrow. Could you drive me?"
Afraid I was being a burden, I carefully added another line.
"We'll go first thing in the morning, it won't get in the way of your work."
But even now, he hadn't answered.
Under the blazing sun, I walked another twenty minutes before I got home.
The front door stood wide open, workers coming in and out, everything a mess.
All my things had been dumped in the living room, kicked and stepped on, in a sorry state.
My room was unrecognizable.
"What are you doing?"
Mom lifted her head from her phone, careless. "Your sister and Toffee are coming home. They have to have somewhere to stay."
"Isn't my sister's room right there? Why are you touching my room?"
Dad carried in a bag of dog toys and set them down in what had been my room.
"We can't exactly make Toffee squeeze in with Nellie, can we?"
"You're off to college anyway, so your room works out perfectly as Toffee's."
I opened my mouth, feeling wronged.
My sister had been abroad for years, and her room had been kept exactly as it was the whole time.
Mom cleaned it on a schedule. No one had ever touched it.
"Couldn't you at least wait until I've left to do this?"
Mom's face darkened.
"It's Toffee's first time coming home. How could we make it make do with something second-rate?"
"Enough. Stop wearing that long face all day like we all owe you something."
"Nellie's over there suffering and working herself to the bone abroad, and you're sitting here at home in comfort. What is there to be unhappy about?"
They'd said things like this more times than I could count.
While my sister was abroad, they wired her three thousand dollars in spending money every month, right on time.
My own allowance, meanwhile, got squeezed from five hundred down to three, and they often forgot to give it at all.
When the seasons changed, they ordered new clothes online early and had them mailed to my sister.
When it was my turn: "You've got clothes to wear, that's enough. You think our money blows in on the wind?"
At holidays and celebrations, we always went to that seafood restaurant my sister liked.
I complained quietly that I was allergic to seafood, and they tore into me.
"You ungrateful thing. It's already hard enough not being able to see Nellie, and now you have to twist the knife!"
"Even if Nellie can't eat it, we take photos and send them to her. At least it's something to remind her of home."
Scene after scene surfaced in my mind.
I should be used to it by now. What was I still hoping for?
I swallowed down the sourness in my throat and quietly gathered the things scattered on the floor, an armful of them.
"Then where do I live?"
Mom pointed offhandedly at the storage room.
"Just make do with a floor mat in there for a few days."
The storage room was cramped, no air conditioning. A little while inside and I was drenched in sweat.
I hadn't had a single drink of water since morning, and I felt shaky and lightheaded.
I pulled the door open, about to go find something to eat, and everything went black. I dropped to the floor.
I don't know how long it was, but when I woke up I was still lying on the ground.
The house was silent. Everyone was gone.
Bracing myself against the wall, I struggled over to the dining table, tore open a box of expired instant ramen, and poured in hot water.
My phone lit up. The Loving Family group chat had come alive again.
Mom had posted a group selfie.
"Nellie, our little princess, a new upscale seafood restaurant just opened near the house. We came ahead to scope it out for you."
Dad smiled toward Carter.
"Carter couldn't rest easy, so he came along specially to give it his stamp of approval."
Carter's profile picture kept flickering.
"Anywhere you two pick is bound to be a good call. Their signature seafood porridge is amazing."
"What time do you land tomorrow? I'll head over early and wait for you."
Watching all that warmth on the screen, my chest felt stuffed up, like a wet towel was jammed against it.
I looked at my acceptance letter. The school was Northport, three thousand kilometers from home.
When I sent the letter to the group this morning, I'd even been nervous they'd grill me about why I was going so far away.
Turned out I'd flattered myself. They didn't care where I was going at all.
I pressed the screen dark and bent down for a big mouthful of ramen.
The spicy broth caught in my throat and stung my nose.
It's fine. If other people don't love you, you just love yourself.
