During my last lecture, something flashed through my mind. It was a memory, but it doesn't make any sense to me.
It was from the Halloween night and I was in the woods. For some reason, it felt like I was lying on the ground and someone was speaking.
Except the voice I heard wasn't Zeke's, which is weird because I know that the only person I was with that night was Zeke.
Was there someone else?
I tried to squeeze out more to make more sense of it, but nothing.
It's like I can't even remember on command.
"It's going to come to you when it wants to, Liv. Don't be pushing it like that," my mind tells me.
It's true. My mother has always told me that it's no use trying to force something. When it comes, it comes.
So I should listen to my mind, right?
However, there's just a gut feeling that what I'm forgetting is a life changing piece. Something that may have traumatized my memory into forgetting.
Something that will change my perspective of the world forever.
Just a gut feeling.
Which is why it's tormenting to have the memories come in bits and pieces.
"Maybe it's a life changing piece, but what if you're not ready to have your life changed?" My mind tells me. "Don't push it yet."
"I'll never be ready to have my life changed either ways," I bite back mentally.
"Oh, you'd be thankful for this life changing information, I tell you."
"What makes you say so?"
"You live in a not so small town, you attend the community college, you only ever left town three times in all your life... darling, you don't have a life."
"We...you mean we."
"No, I mean you."
I'm snapped back to reality when a passing student bumps my shoulder. Taking a deep breath, I begin to make my way to my next lecture room.
"You know, something tells me that you're aware of what happened that night," I think and my mind scoffs.
"I only remember the part that concerns me."
"Which is?"
"Ezekiel."
"Of course," I roll my eyes, pushing through the crowd in the campus corridors. "Wouldn't you–"
My thoughts are halted by the sweet scent of honey. My breath catches in my lungs and I spin around before I can stop myself.
Is he here? I can smell him.
I scan the sea of faces, looking for a particular red head with tattooed arms and neck, enchanting green eyes, a lopsided grin, and that infuriating calm that always makes my chest tighten.
But I find nothing.
The crowd surges around me, normal students with normal backpacks and normal cologne.
My heart falls instantly and I'm about to resume in my steps when I perceive it again.
Is he playing tricks on me?
I whip my head around, almost colliding with a girl about my height.
"Sorry," I mutter, even though she's already gone ahead and didn't hear me.
I crane my head through the crowd, hoping that I missed him the first time, but still I see nothing.
"He's not here," I mutter under my breath. "I'm hallucinating his scent now?"
"I'm surprised you can't tell the difference between his scent and cheap shampoo," my mind snorts.
"I'm not a dog with sharp senses," I counter, resuming in my steps again.
"You have no idea," my mind sighs. "But dare I say, I'm glad you're just as obsessed with him as I am. Even though you lie to yourself."
"I'm not obsessed with him."
"Oh really? So what do we call what just happened here?"
"He's been around here two days in a row, stalking me. So it was safe to assume he could have been here today."
"The leap in your heart when you thought he was here?"
"I was scared."
"The crashing down of your heart beat and the disappointment when you found out he wasn't here?"
"I was–"
I bump into someone with just enough force to spin me and trip over my feet, but before I fall, steady hands keep me in place.
I look up to mutter a half thought apology, but my eyes lock with a pair of lazy greys.
Noah.
Of course, just my luck that I'd run into the very guy that has been on my tail all through the summer.
"Uh Liv? That's not Zeke," my mind muses.
"Olivia!" His grin is so wide, it makes my cheeks ache just looking at him. He adjusts his messenger bag, leaning a little too close. "Hey, I've been trying to catch you all week. I'm beginning to feel like you're avoiding me."
Yes I have been, you didn't take the hint?
"Oh, hi...well, no, God, no I wasn't...I wasn't avoiding you," I force the words out of my mouth before my facial expressions can mirror exactly what I'm thinking on the inside.
"Oh great," he beams. "I tried calling the number you gave me, but August kept picking up and she–"
"What do you want, Noah?" I cut off, impatiently.
But no matter how snappish I sound, his smile doesn't falter, which is mildly impressive.
"The same I've been wanting all summer?"
"And that is?"
"Dinner. With me. Tonight, maybe? Or wherever you're free...if that's okay. The last thing I want is to bother you."
Well, isn't that too late already?
"Nope, never. Turn him down and send him on his merry way to hell. We have a mate," my mind snaps.
"Shut up," I hiss out loud.
Noah blinks. "Uh...okay?"
"Not you." I plaster on a fake smile. "And you know what? I think I would like to grab dinner with you tonight."
"What?? OLIVIA?!" There's a high pitched screech in my head, but I try to ignore it.
Noah's face lights up like he just won the lottery. "Really? Cool. Eight o'clock? I'll pick you up?"
"Sure." I'm already walking away, muttering under my breath, "I'm excited."
"And what the fuck are you doing?"
"Wouldn't you wanna know," I huff.
What am I doing? I'm proving to myself that I'm not obsessed with Zeke. He's a stranger I barely know, and my body is already reacting to him in ways it hasn't reacted to anyone?
Hell no.
Noah on the other hand is a guy I've known since Freshman year in college. He's sweet, he's attractive, though not as attractive as Zeke, but still, he's not bad.
He's also kinda loaded. His step father runs a big business in the city, plus he's really nerdy.
I've never given him much thought because girls flock around him like moths drawn to a flame and I don't like to feast on a guy who is already being feasted on.
"So you're doing this because you want to prove that you're not obsessed with the only man you should be obsessed with?" My mind tuts.
"Doesn't that sound weird to you? Why would I obsess over one guy when there's like four billion of them worldwide?"
"You're going to regret this."
Welp...I already do.
********************
I get back to my dorm with exhausted and drained, and I'm about to fuck it all and go to bed, but then I remember I have a date.
"Urgh, fuck me!" I groan as I make my way to August's room.
She's sprawled on her bed with a goofy grin on her face and on her screen in Ethan. They're Face timing and I can see that he's at work.
"Gussssss!" I groan, making my way to her bed and dropping down on her.
"Liv? Gosh, I didn't hear you come in."
"I wonder why," I smirk, eyeing her screen.
Her face goes red but she doesn't say anything.
"Is that Liv?" Ethan asks from the other end of the phone.
"Yes, now get back to work because I'm about to steal your girlfriend," I reply, taking the phone from August's hands.
"Hey, wait–"
I end the call and toss the phone back to her, then I sit up and stare at her for a few seconds.
"What?"
"I need to go through your closet," I state plainly.
She frowns a bit, but then a slow smirk teases her lips. "You're going on a date?" She wiggles her brows. "With Zeke?"
I snort. "No. With Noah."
Her mouth falls open. "Noah? As in 'been asking you out all summer and you keep rejecting him' Noah?"
"Yep." I move from the bed to her closet door. "Pick something before I change my mind."
She stares at me for a long moment, like she wants to say a million things but swallows them all. "Okay," she says finally, standing. "But if you bail halfway through, don't come crying to me."
"Trust me, I wouldn't dare," I mutter.
She hands me a simple black dress, and I slip it on, glaring at myself in the mirror. "This screams funeral."
"Perfect," August chirps. "Let's make sure he doesn't ask you out again."
Noah stays true to his word and he arrives ten minutes to the set time. He has on a simple black dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to reveal his slightly muscular arms, and beige slacks.
His hair is combed neatly to the back and I think it's fair to say he looks... charming.
"Hi," he greets with a sheepish grin when I pull the door open.
"You're early," I nod back, taking the bouquet of roses he hands out to me.
"Am I?"
I shake my head. "I'm going to find a vase for these, give me a minute."
"Sure."
I head into the kitchen and pull out a vase from one of the shelves. When I'm about heading back out again, August corners me.
"Why are you doing this again?" She asks, looking to the door like she half expects Noah to barge in and drag me out.
"Because I want to?"
"Bullshit! If you wanted to, you would have before summer ended."
"Well...now I want to," I offer a dry smile and side step her.
Before I head out of the door, I turn around to give her a small wave, to which she responds with an eye roll.
"You're going to regret this," my mind tells me and I nod.
If it keeps me from thinking about Zeke, then it's worth it.
We arrive at the restaurant and find our seats easily. Noah is like a giddy child that just got the toy he's been wishing for all year and I feel bad for using him this way.
He pulls out my chair and he goes on ahead to order, first asking me if the order is fine by me.
The night settles on well and I'm thinking that this might just be a success. Noah is sweet, polite, he talks about his classes, his summer internship, his plans for law school, and he even gives me a chance to speak, one I don't take.
It should be flattering. Normal even. Exactly what I need to erase Zeke from my system.
Except...
"You're a shit person, you know that Liv? A shitty person on a shitty date!" My mind howls.
Yes, this stupid voice in my head has been howling insults at me and Noah since I sat my ass down.
"You're mated, bound to Zeke in sacred rites older than this town itself, and what do you do? You desecrate that bond by letting this...this sad excuse of a man sweet talk you over a fancy plate of pasta? Are you that cheap?"
"Shut up," I try to tell it, but the voice is so loud, it drowns mine.
"Shut up," I try again, but it only gets louder.
"Honestly, you possess all the qualities of someone who would die alone. It's a shame the moon chose you for Zeke. Tell me, would you let this lump of a man fuck you the way Zeke did? Surely, you'd do anything to get rid of–"
"Oh for heaven's sake, will you shut the fuck up?!" I bang the table with a frustrated yell.
The section of the restaurant we are falls silent and all eyes fall on Noah and I. Noah's eyes pop wide open and his cheeks flame red in embarrassment.
"I'm sorry, am I...am I talking too much? Do I bore you?"
Oh for Christ sakes!
"I'm sorry, Noah. I wasn't...I didn't mean that."
I turn around me to see that eyes are still on us.
"Please, ignore us," I offer what I hope is a patronizing smile to the onlookers and they hesitantly face their meal, but their voices still carry words about our table.
"If you don't want me to say anything else, I will–"
"Noah, I'm sorry. I wasn't talking to you. I was... remembering something. Please, continue. I believe you were talking about your upcoming appointment in Milan?"
"Yes I..."
He continues speaking, but the voice in my head is back after my outburst.
"You know, I'm disgusted that I have to be bound to you. You're making us cheat on him, which isn't fair, Liv."
"...so what about you?" Noah's voice brings me back to the table.
"What?"
"Any big plans after graduation?" He repeats and I smile.
"Oh, yeah well I haven't really thought about it yet, but one thing for sure is that I'm leaving this town."
"Aren't we all? It's limiting living in a small town," he chuckles. "The world is so much grander than here and there are so much more opportunities out there."
"Yeah, exactly."
"You know what happens to people that break the bond?" My mind continues ranting. "They slowly begin to run mad and until they wither away, and Zeke? He's not like you. If you break the bond with him, there'll always be another to replace you."
My chest tightens and my palms break into a sweat. With shaky hands, I take a sip of water, though it does nothing to calm me.
"Olivia?" Noah leans forward, concerned. "You okay?"
"No. She's not." My mind is screaming, clawing, every insult against him echoing louder than his actual words.
I can't focus. Can't breathe.
"I...uh..." I stand abruptly, nearly knocking my chair over. "I need to go. Sorry."
His face falls and confusion clouds his eyes. "Wait, did I...did I say something wrong?"
"No. It's not you." I cringe the second the words leave my mouth. Cliché much? "I just...I can't do this right now."
I throw some cash on the table and bolt before he can protest, heart pounding, the voice smug in my head.
"Finally, you listened to me," my mind purrs. "Now, let's go find the real one."
I groan, wrapping my hands around myself in a bid to warm up, as I walk to the bus stop.
"What the hell is happening to me?"
