Chapter Two
I was eighteen years old, and I had a decision to make: should I venture into the woods despite my grandfather's ban, or remain sitting on this porch?
The seeds of hope I planted within myself grew every day. I didn't know how I managed to deceive myself so well, but every time I looked toward the forest, the chance of seeing him felt more real. I kept believing that Cesur was waiting for me at the very spot where we first met.
I was more angry with myself than with my grandfather for being unable to forget him. Beyond being my first friend, I believed Cesur was my first love. I knew I wasn't truly in love with him yet, but forgetting him was impossible when I carried a piece of him inside my body.
The light of the giant full moon had already begun to illuminate the surroundings. I took the last sip of chilled tea from my cup and stood up to go to bed. I struggled to cover a yawn with my hand as I quietly climbed the stairs, and as soon as I crawled into bed, I let myself fall into the arms of sleep.
Two seconds before a giant wolf lunged at me, my eyes snapped open, and I lifted my head from the pillow. The throbbing pain in my arm made my entire body ache-that damn night had come for me again. I knew I would spend the rest of the night in agony. I took a painkiller from my drawer and swallowed it, though medicine barely helped anymore.
I got out of bed, massaging my arm, and began pacing the room. As the full moonlight streamed through my window, I opened it to get some fresh air and inhaled deeply. Distant howls echoed from the far side of the forest. I remembered Cesur saying the wolves were his friends; I still clung to that childish dream and believed everything he told me. I was sure he was somewhere out there right now, listening to them howl. I didn't know if he ever thought of me-I wasn't even sure he remembered me-but the hope blooming inside me hadn't shed its leaves yet.
The painkiller must have taken some effect, as I eventually drifted back to sleep. When I woke up in the morning, all traces of last night's pain were gone.
It was Sunday, which meant my grandfather had likely gone fishing at the lake. I went down to the kitchen, prepared a light breakfast, and took my place on the porch. Chewing on a piece of bread, I kept my eyes fixed on the path leading into the woods. I was eighteen now, and I had made my decision-despite my grandfather.
I hurriedly set my plate down and rushed upstairs to my room. I pulled a sweater and a pair of jeans out of my closet and changed. Even if I didn't find Cesur, I missed the forest and was eager to visit my tree after all this time. I darted back down the stairs, put on my shoes, and ran along the trail as fast as I could.
When the path gave way to the dense forest, I paused for a moment to catch my breath, questioning if I was truly sure about this. Just like before, I needed to be back home before my grandfather returned.
Of course, I couldn't pass by without plucking a few blackberries along the trail and popping them into my mouth. At eighteen, I finally settled the debate I couldn't resolve at seven: I was certain I liked blackberries more than strawberries.
Finally, I reached the grand old tree where everything had begun. It had grown a bit larger, but time hadn't taken away its majesty-it stood before me as powerful as ever.
I looked around with a faint flicker of hope, feeling foolish. There was hardly anything around except a few birds. I reminded myself I hadn't come here expecting anyone anyway. I sat on the ground with my back pressed against the trunk and began filling my lungs with the clean scent of the forest. The odds of him having left the city or even the country were far higher than the chances of seeing him here now. I had to accept reality: Cesur was gone.
A sudden crackling sound in the brush snapped me out of my thoughts. I turned my head, straining to listen as the noise grew louder. I couldn't bring myself to move until the sound became unmistakable. I had heard a sound just like this the day I first met Cesur, but I wasn't sure if I possessed the same courage I had back then. Should I investigate, or turn around and walk away without looking back? My mind froze, entirely focused on the approaching noise. I quickly scrambled to my feet and turned around.
Maybe it was him. I needed to gather my courage and see what-or who-was there. The pounding of my heart echoed in my ears. Was my heart racing out of terror or the desperate hope of seeing Cesur again? I wasn't sure which was worse. *An Amazon woman,* I reminded myself. *I'm an Amazon woman, and I can't be a coward.*
Even as I thought this, my feet were already carrying me toward the sound. With every step, I felt as though my heart might burst.
Then, I froze in my tracks.
Standing right in front of me were five wolves-the largest I had ever seen in my life. *An Amazon woman?* In that moment, I was no different from a helpless gazelle. I needed a plan immediately, like running away. But I knew the instant I took a single step, I would become prey.
When the largest wolf on the right began to stalk around me with its head low-like a lion closing in on its target-I fought the urge to collapse and faint. Surround by five alert wolves, I didn't dare move a muscle, watching the creature circle me without even turning my head.
As it moved to my left, a low growl vibrated through the air. In response, the other four wolves bared their knife-like teeth and joined in the growling.
*This is it,* I thought. *I'm done for. This is the end. Goodbye, life.* I wished I had the chance to hug my grandfather one last time. I hadn't listened to him, and now I had paid the price. *An Amazon woman? You're just a frail girl.*
Bracing myself, I glanced at the wolves, wondering if I even had time to pray. There didn't seem to be any.
"Asli."
When I heard my name, my frozen body suddenly thawed. I spun around toward the voice.
Cesur.
The boy I had waited years for was standing right before me. I couldn't decide what was more shocking-that he still remembered my name, or that he was actually here. But even without checking for the scar on his neck, I knew it was him.
The fragile boy I had left at nine years old stood before me at twenty, far taller and stronger than I was. There was no trace of the timid child I first met; now, I was the one who resembled the nine-year-old Cesur-terrified and trembling.
The five wolves behind me seemed to vanish like a dream. The only thing consuming me was sheer intensity. The moment I looked at Cesur, his fear became tangible, wrapping around me. His furrowed brows, tight lips, and tense posture made him look as though he were defying the five wolves behind me, ready for battle at any moment.
"Get out of here!" he barked.
Why was he so terrified? Was it the thought of both of us being torn apart by wolves, or the realization that if I left, I might never see him again? I couldn't decide which was worse. Yet, having seen him once more, I felt as though I could die happy.
I shook my head; I didn't want to leave. I couldn't abandon my childhood friend to a pack of wolves. I wanted to fight beside him, if only I weren't so paralyzed by fear.
A sudden rustle behind me made me shiver. Unlike me, Cesur stepped forward, his expression darkening as he glared past me at the wolves.
"Run!" he screamed.
Overridden by panic, my feet moved against my will, obeying his command. I ran as fast as I could, heading back toward the path. Even when my lungs burned like a bomb about to explode, I didn't stop until my house came into view. The moment I collapsed onto the porch, tears burst from my eyes.
I thought about going back to save him, but I knew I was powerless. I was a coward, and I would never forgive myself for leaving the person I had waited years for alone with five wolves in the vast forest.
*He's dead. He's dead. He's dead.*
Voices screamed relentlessly inside my head.
I sat on the porch steps, weeping uncontrollably, unable to tear my eyes away from the trail. I stayed in that exact spot, waiting for him to emerge. If he came back, I promised myself I would throw my arms around his neck and never let him leave again.
I waited all night. No one came except my grandfather. When he asked what had happened, I broke down, sobbing hysterically for hours: "He's dead!" Though he couldn't understand what I meant, he sat beside me for hours, watching the empty path with me.
I don't know when I finally drifted off to sleep, but when morning came, Cesur still hadn't returned.
