I stopped arguing. That family portrait stayed right where it was, hanging on the wall of the compound I had paid for, the deed that no one in this Family knew still bore my name alone.
The pain had numbed into something hollow. Eventually, there was an urge that came out of nowhere, I laughed.
Thirty years. I had lived thirty years in this absurd, pitiful life, laundering their money through my restaurant, keeping the books clean, feeding a crew that never once said my name at the Sunday table.
For the first time, a small, stubborn voice inside me whispered: What if I lived for myself, just once? I gathered my documents, the papers that mattered, zipped up the folder and lay down, eyes closed.
I didn't remember when the tears started, or when they stopped. Just that at some point, I must've cried myself to sleep.
I woke to the sound of the bedroom door creaking open. Salvatore, reeking of grappa and the cigar smoke of some back-room sit-down, stumbled in and yanked me up by the arm.
"You and Vittoria are sisters, same blood. So how did she come out classy, graceful, the woman every boss in three territories wants at his table, while you… you're just greasy, sloppy, small. Dio, what did I ever see in you?"
Good question. What did he see in me back then?
I looked down at myself. The fabric of my dress was worn thin, faded, stretched at the seams. I hadn't thrown it out because, well, it still worked.
Salvatore's clothes, on the other hand, were always crisp, spotless, the wardrobe of a man of respect. He was a neat freak. I pressed his shirts every day, not a single wrinkle allowed, because a Caporegime had to look the part even when it was my money that bought the silk.
He looked polished. Presentable. Just like Vittoria.
He shrugged off his jacket in annoyance and tossed it at me.
Normally, I would've caught it, smoothed it out, hung it in the closet. Then laid out his pajamas, like I always did. But tonight, for some reason, I just didn't feel like taking care of him anymore.
I lay back down on the bed, closed my eyes and didn't respond, no matter how loud or angry his voice got. "What are you still sulking about? You think you're some teenage girl?"
His words came hard and sharp, thick with contempt. He cracked the knuckles of his right hand, one by one, the way he always did when he was about to demand something he had no right to demand. "Acting like this at your age isn't cute, it's pathetic. Don't make me lose what little respect I have left for you."
I didn't move. Just listened, quietly, to every insult.
"Look at you. Skin sagging, nothing left to hold it up. And you still think someone's going to coddle you?"
"You think you're Vittoria? That if you pout and whine the way she does, I'll suddenly feel sorry for you?"
"Watching you try to be like her is disgusting."
Still, I didn't move. But my heart was pounding in my ears.
He let out a frustrated grunt when he realized I wasn't going to bite back, then stormed off into the bathroom.
I kept my eyes closed. In the silence, with only the faint drip of the tap and the far-off idle of a soldier's car in the compound drive, my mind came alive, clearer than it had been in years.
I remembered something I hadn't thought about in a long time. Thirty years ago, when Vittoria had confessed her feelings to Salvatore, and he turned her down. He'd come to me instead.
He'd taken my hands and said, "Antonietta, I can't be without you. I'm a drifter, a man with no roots, no famiglia to my name. But with you… I finally feel like I've found home."
Back then, Salvatore and Vittoria were the golden pair everyone whispered about, the ambitious young soldier and the beautiful woman who charmed every capo she passed. Everyone just assumed they'd end up together.
In the end, he'd chosen me.
He chose me.
I had my doubts, of course.
Salvatore loved the life of respect and applause just as much as Vittoria did. They shared that hunger, a language I never really spoke. It always felt like they were the ones who should've stood together.
When I asked him about it, he looked at me with those bright, sincere eyes and said, "Ambition is smoke, Antonietta. What's real is the life we build now. You build a future with someone solid, someone who grounds you."
I believed him. That belief lasted thirty years. Thirty years tied to the word solid. Reliable. Stable.
Only now did I finally see the truth. From the very beginning, I had been the one sacrificed.
Because I was capable. Because I was willing. Because I ran the front, cleaned the money, and got things done without complaining, I was the one who had to carry it all.
Meanwhile, what did Vittoria do? Flighty, whimsical, carefree Vittoria, she got to float from one boss's table to the next, chasing charm and applause, her hands always clean.
Salvatore married me, yes. With me handling the compound, the books, the washing, the mess, he was free to play the man of respect at her side.
Maybe that had been his plan all along.
The thought twisted inside me like a storm, tears pooling somewhere deeper than my eyes, somewhere in my chest, in a place I couldn't reach.
How much could a person gain in thirty years?
I clenched my jaw, forcing the storm down, holding myself together.
Then, just as I found a moment of stillness, Salvatore's phone rang without end.
