Back then, he was gentle. Patient.
When I stayed up late grinding algorithms, he'd show up with hot coffee.
When I lost, he'd ruffle my hair. "Win it back next time."
I thought that softness was just for me.
Later, I realized it wasn't. Just habit. Control.
We had a deal.
"As long as you beat me once, we'll get married."
I stupidly thought it was his way of pushing me. I kept waiting to beat him in a real match—and finally claim the wedding he promised.
But over the next twenty-six matches, I never won.
I told myself I just hadn't worked hard enough.
Now I get it. Start to finish, he only saw me as a junior to train.
A good challenge. Never a life partner.
All those "sweet moments" I clung to? Just a trap he built, piece by piece.
And I walked right in—five years gone, chasing a fantasy.
***
The next day, I went to the actuarial lab like usual.
I pushed the door open—Julian and Nadine were by the window, talking.
He saw me and stepped in front of her. "Clara, I already explained the match. You here to give Nadine a hard time?"
The way he shielded her was blinding.
"You're overthinking it. The lab's for everyone. I'm just grabbing some files."
Julian still didn't look convinced. "You're a great actuary, I'll give you that. But I already made a public promise. If I don't stand by Nadine, what are people gonna say about her? Marriage isn't like actuarial work. It's not just who wins on paper. And with her, it's easy. With you, it always feels like... we're competing."
His words sank in slowly, like a dull blade carving deep.
Easy?
So five years of effort, of being there—that was just "competition" to him?
I looked at him and laughed. "So everything I did to stand next to you turned into a burden? Then why make that promise at all?"
Julian looked away, voice tight with impatience. "The promise was real back then. But things change. The one who beat me wasn't you. You're outstanding—you deserve someone better. Stop fixating on me."
"Someone better..." I echoed. It sounded ridiculous.
Nadine leaned into him, voice soft. "Julian, don't be upset. Ms. Clermont probably just needs time."
"Clara, if you keep this up, we can't even be friends."
