Hazel's POV
I pulled the door open and stepped out into the dark, empty hallway, forcing my head to stay down.
Don't cry. Whatever you do, Hazel, do not cry here.
I bit down hard on my lip. If someone saw me sobbing, if Hailey or her friends caught even a glimpse of my weakness, it would only give them more reason to hurt me. I hugged my worn out bag tightly against my chest like a shield, my limbs trembling so violently I could barely keep my feet moving straight.
The walk through the hallway felt endlessly long. A few students were still walking around laughing and chatting about their evening plans.
As I passed, their chatter faltered.
I could feel every eye on me. I must have looked terrible. My skin felt clammy and drained of all colours, my eyes swollen. Whispers rippled through the air like a cold draft.
"Look at her..."
"What's wrong with the scholarship girl?"
"She looks like she's about to faint."
I didn't look up to see who was speaking. I just kept my eyes glued to the floor, placing one shaking foot in front of the other. Usually, during moments like this, a faint, warm presence would nudge the back of my mind. Eva would usually growl at their hushed tones, or whisper comforting words into my thoughts, reminding me that one day, when we finally shifted, things would be different.
But inside my mind, there was nothing.
Absolute silence.
I reached out for her, searching for the faint blue spark of her energy, but met only nothing.
For the first time in my entire life, I felt utterly alone.
By the time I pushed through the front doors of the academy and stepped into the evening air, the sun had fully set, burying the territory in shades of navy and shadow. I ran down the long path that led away from the school, leaving behind the glittering lights of Lunas Crest.
The walk home took nearly an hour, but my mind was completely numb to the distance. The cool wind whipped through my thin sweater, biting into my skin, but I barely felt it. The cold inside my chest was far worse.
Today was supposed to be my happiest eighteenth birthday. The day I was supposed to fully awaken my wolf spirit and shift for the very first time.
I reached the front door of my apartment. When I unlocked the front door and stepped inside, the sharp stench of cheap vodka and cigarettes hit me right in the face.
I closed the door softly behind me and flipped the light switch on. The bulb flickered to life, casting a dull, white glare over the tiny living room.
Bottles were everywhere-scattered across the floor and resting on the armrests of the faded sofa. An empty pill bottle rolled lazily across the floor.
I let out a slow breath.
Dropping my bag by the door, I didn't even pause to take off my shoes. I grabbed the small plastic trash bin from the kitchen nook and began picking up the bottles one by one.
A familiar rhythm to a routine I had performed a hundred times before. I wiped down the sticky coffee table, swept up a few tiny shards of glass near the hallway, and threw away the garbage.
Once the living room was presentable, I crept down the dark hallway to my mother's bedroom. The door was cracked open.
I pushed it open gently, stepping onto the room. The room was dark, the curtains pulled tight against the moonlight. Laying sideways across the mattress was my mother, still dressed in her stained blouse from yesterday, fast asleep. Her chest rose and fell in a heavy, raspy rhythm, her breath smelling strongly of cheap alcohol even from the doorway.
I stood there for a few moments, watching her sleep. Part of me... a very foolish part-wanted to walk over, wrap my arms around her, and cry into her shoulder. I wanted to tell her that my mate had rejected me, that my heart was broken into a million tiny pieces, and that I didn't know how to keep going. But I knew better. If I woke her, she would only get angry, and probably beat me to death. She hadn't remembered my birthday in three years. She wasn't going to start tonight.
"Goodnight, Mom," I whispered softly to the dark room.
I quietly closed her door, and strode back into my own bedroom at the end of the hall.
My room was tiny, just big enough for a single bed pushed against the wall, a small wooden desk I had salvaged from a neighbor's curb, and a tall, narrow mirror hanging on the closet door.
I walked over to the window and pushed open the curtains. Outside, sitting high in the clear night sky, was the full moon.
My heart beat a little faster. A faint, desperate hope flickered back to life inside my chest.
Maybe this is it, I thought, clutching my hands together over my stomach. Maybe the shift will fix everything. Maybe when Eva comes out, the pain will stop.
I stepped into the center of the room, directly under the moonlight. I closed my eyes, took a deep, steadying breath, and focused all my energy inward, searching for the instinct every wolf was born with.
"Eva?" I whispered into the quiet. "It's time. Please... wake up."
I waited for the spike in body temperature, the feeling of bones cracking and rearranging.
I stood there, waiting. Five seconds...Ten seconds...three minute passed.
But nothing.
The air in the room remained still. My body stayed human. There was no heat in my blood.
"Please," I begged out loud, my voice cracking as tears began to fill my eyes again. I dropped to my knees on the cold floor, spreading my hands out. "Please, Moon Goddess. Please... just this once. P-please... give me my wolf. Don't leave me like this."
I tried again. I squeezed my eyes shut so hard my temples throbbed, I strained until my breathing turned into ragged gasps, praying with every fiber of my being for even the smallest hint of a spark, a single twitch of a claw, a shift in my eyes.
But nothing.
Not even a whisper.
The full moon continued to shine down on me, distant, and unbothered.
I dropped my forehead against the wooden floor, letting out a raw, broken sob. Somewhere in the distance, a chorus of triumphant howls rose into the night. One after another, young wolves celebrated their first shift, surrounded by cheering friends and proud parents. The sound drifted through my open window like a cruel reminder of everything I would never have
It was true. Everything everyone had barked into my face-it was all real. I wasn't just low-ranking. I was broken. A discarded creature that the Moon Goddess had abandoned.
Slowly, I pushed myself up off the floor. The weakness in my knees made me stumble forward until I caught myself against the closet door.
My face was inches away from the mirror.
I raised my head slightly, staring at the girl looking back at me in the dim moonlight.
She looked terrifying. I reached up with a trembling hand, my fingertips lightly touching my cheek.
I stared into my own hollow, tear-filled eyes in the glass.
"Was I really that embarrassing?" I whispered to the empty room.
