My life has changed a lot in a short time. I look around the dimly lit room, and it's nothing like where I used to live. But despite waking up from a scary dream that really shook me, I can't help but smile.
I can't remember the details of the nightmare, just that it was scary and I had to struggle to wake up. I can't believe how different my life has become in just a few weeks. I know how I ended up here, but it's hard to grasp how everything has changed so much.
That nightmare still bothers me, and I hope it's not true. Usually, I try to forget it, to push it away. It's not like me at all to dwell on these things.
Someone has come into my life and transformed me in ways I never expected, and now I hardly recognise myself. Well, that's not entirely true. I see a version of myself that I lost years ago. I wish I could figure out where things are headed, but right now, it feels like I'm losing control of my life.
I was happily ensconced in my little routine. I'd go to university, then work, and then I'd go home—an uncomplicated and straightforward life.
He's turned everything upside down; I can't find my way back, and even if I could, I don't think I'd want to. He makes me happy, sitting here on his bed, still somewhat shaken up. I can't conceive of anything else but the same recurring nightmare.
Is he making me happy enough, or is this just one big mistake? The sound of the door opening, and I know instantly it is him. I don't even need to look up. When he walks into a room, I pick up on it straight away. Raising my head, I look towards the door. Sure enough, there he is.
"Good morning, Kitten. You look refreshed." I can't help but grin at him. Somehow, he has defied all odds. He has made me want to live life again and love it.
"I guess I have you to thank for that," I say sheepishly. My cheeks are flushing pink. Even after he's seen me at my most vulnerable, I still feel insecure. I can't help but avert my eyes whenever he calls me 'Baby' or 'Kitten'.
"So, I thought that maybe today we could have some fun?" His body begins climbing onto the bed as I start laughing. His eyes are looking at me amused. "No, I don't mean that kind of fun, unless that's what you require. I mean, we could always stay in all day and explore each other some more..." His body moves closer to mine.
How is he always in such a good mood? His hands grab my body, and I can't help but laugh as I jump back. My hands are throwing up, telling him to stop.
"No, Sean. I think we can behave for today. I have things that I need to do anyway. I have to go to my apartment, as I haven't been back there in ages." I watch as he pouts, looking down at me. My breathing begins to quicken under his gaze. I need to, and I need to say no.
I have a life, which right now I haven't even seen in what feels like years. I am happy with that, though, but today I have to get back to the real world." Plus, I promised Ian I'd meet up with him and his girlfriend. "I did. I've got to admit, I have missed my apartment so much, and it seems like forever since I last saw my friends.
We've spent weeks in his room, hardly leaving. I skipped school, and I am guessing I lost my job as well now. I can't stop myself, though; something about him draws me in. He makes me want to say yes, to stay here with him and forget the outside world. I am falling, fast and hard, and the ground is not strong enough to stop me once I hit. I will keep going, crazy, I know. After a few weeks, I already feel like I love him. "Fine, come on, babes. Let's get you home." Moving, I get ready before we walk out to the car. Sitting, he drives, my mind reminding me I have shopping to do.
"Hey, can you drop me at the centre? I need to grab a few things. I will make my way home from there." I smile at him and give him a slight nudge as he drives. I don't want him waiting for me to finish shopping just to take me home.
"Of course, babes." We stay quiet, fifteen minutes passing by. Finally, we reached the centre. He parks up and smiles at me. Leaning forward, I kiss him before climbing out of the car.
"Catch you after, Kitten." He smiles before driving off down the street. Turning, I walk into the shops. Shopping is dull. As always, I'm not too fond of shopping. I detest a lot of girl stuff; just give me a blanket and a movie, and I am happy – shopping, nails, hair, all that. However, I just can't find myself doing it.
Getting home, the flat is quiet, too quiet in fact. It feels so surreal. I haven't been alone for weeks now. Things have changed so much, and there is no going back now. There is no way I can go back to the person I used to be.
Walking about the flat, I can't help but smile seeing the kitchen, which changed so much in one night. Even so, I still feel a sense of doom. The feeling is never leaving, no matter what I do. My birthday was a night that changed so much.
Birthday Party (Now)
The sound of the alarm wakes me from my deep slumber. I hate work, I hate school, and I hate mornings. Hitting the alarm button, my mind considers just going back to sleep. I look around myself. My life is nothing extraordinary. I live with my roommates, and I spend most of my time either here, at school, or work.
I should be waking up in a hotel right now. Somehow I failed at that this year. Groggily I walk to the shower. I climb in as the water hits my skin. The feeling is fantastic. Today needs to go fast. Tonight, however, needs to go even quicker. I honestly need tomorrow to arrive right now.
Getting out of the shower, my feet hit the cold tiles as I wrap the towel around me before I walk through to my bedroom. Getting sorted, I walk out, glancing around the flat it is quiet. I move to grab food before I embark on walking to university. I don't like driving if it isn't too far. My mind is flying away with every thought running through it.
Stepping into university, I can't help but smile. A few hours to take my mind off today. Yet deep down, I know that isn't going to happen, not at all.
"Hi, Lisa." I look up, Mya standing before me. A friend at university. I wouldn't consider a friend, just someone I see here a lot. Once I leave, I don't hear from her or keep in touch.
"Hi, Mya. How are you?" Smiling at her, my hand moves the chair back before sitting on it. Mya is taking place next to me.
"Good. I'm going away tonight for a week. I can't wait, it's my sister's wedding in five days, so I am looking forward to it." She is so happy and smiling. All I can do is nod. I am not a people person anymore. I want to get my course done and leave. To be honest, that sounds crazy and mean, but I like a simple life now.
I would be happy hiding away for the rest of my life if I could. Sitting, the class takes ages, my mind trying to concentrate. It can't, and my eyes are always on the clock. Why is today going so slow? Maybe I should have just stayed in bed all day and slept.
Maybe faked being ill, I am grateful, though. Not many people know me or know what today is. It feels like I can ignore it so much easier. I find myself drifting into daydreams. The sound of movement made me glance up.
Everyone is leaving. It is noon now. I move, placing the books into my bag before I leave. I grab food, eating it on the way to work. I glance at the building. Soon this will all be over. Walking in, I sit down. My hand is picking up the phone as I begin working.
I can't concentrate. My eyes are always looking at the clock. Maybe I should be glad today is going so slow. It is making tonight feel further away. I need to stay at work late tonight. It's my birthday, and I would rather avoid it at all costs. I haven't celebrated a birthday in so many years.
The issue is, though, I work in telesales, and there are no goals to meet. So as soon as it reaches six o'clock, I have to leave. No overtime, nothing. Sitting here watching the clock tick by, you can tell I am not working. My voice sounds fed up, lazy, and like I don't want to be here.
I do. I just don't want this to end as then I have to face Beatrice. I find myself considering ways out of tonight. Ways to avoid whatever she has planned. I can't use work as an excuse to escape my birthday. As it reaches six, everyone else starts rushing and leaving. I find myself moving slowly, almost at a snail's pace. Grabbing my items, I start to make my way out and begin walking home.
I know I can't escape tonight, not at all. I shouldn't complain, not when I have people who care and want me to enjoy myself. For me though, anything to do with people or many people and I won't feel comfortable. Maybe it won't be as bad as I think.
Granted, I have not celebrated a birthday since I first got with Kyle. So, my birthdays are not something to celebrate. That is when all the abuse started on my birthday.
So, I am hoping it is something small in the flat—just us three and a takeaway. Hell, even a small party at the flat is okay as long as it is nothing big. My hand settles on the door handle as I take in a deep breath. Unlocking the door, I push it open. My body bracing itself for a flat full of people I no doubt won't even know.
Turning the light on the flat is empty. Not even Beatrice or John are home. Well, this is a benefit. I smile and walk in, heading straight towards the fridge to grab a drink. My eyes instantly caught the note stuck to it.
"GET READY, GET DRESSED AND GET BEAUTIFUL! I WILL BE BACK AT 7! - BEATRICE"
Every the urgent, she couldn't just write in lower case, could she? The thing is, I have avoided my birthday every year. I either plan trips away or go to my parents. Anything to prevent Beatrice's mad and crazy parties. This year I was so busy with everything that I completely forgot about my birthday coming up. I forgot to plan my yearly getaway, and Beatrice mentioned it. Of course, it was already too late, and she had planned my birthday party. It isn't here though.
I should get ready. The last thing I want is for Beatrice to come back to me not being ready and have her complaining that we will be late. I get showered, washing off today's events before getting dried. My mind is stuck on considering what is happening tonight. I have a bad feeling about it, though, but I should enjoy myself.
I should, for a chance, celebrate that I am alive.
I stand looking through the wardrobe. What can I wear? Thinking of Beatrice, my eyes glance at the dresses, something that I never wear anymore. To be honest, I don't want to wear a dress. It is my birthday. I want to feel comfortable and not like I am going over the top.
I guess I will grab some jeans and a shirt. Grabbing a pair of black boots, I get ready. It is a safe bet, yet comfy. It is suitable for pubs, cinemas, and bars anywhere. Walking into the living room, I glance at the clock. I have half an hour before eight.
Falling back onto the sofa, I put the TV on. I may as well enjoy part of my birthday as I want. I stay watching it, watching as eight comes and goes. Beatrice is late as always. A few minutes later, the door unlocks, and Beatrice walks in.
Stopping, she stands staring at me shocked, now what have I done?
