Back home, I opened the bottom drawer of the study desk. Inside sat a battered tin box.
Beneath the lid lay a yellowed pawn ticket.
I took it out. The edges were soft and frayed from how many times I'd held it.
Six years ago, Chester's first startup collapsed.
His partner had emptied the company accounts and vanished. Creditors showed up at our apartment door, pounding harder with every knock.
Chester sat on the floor, his back against the bed frame, cigarette ash dusting his lap.
He didn't say a single word that day.
I didn't ask.
I took my mother's gold bracelet and walked to the pawnshop on the corner.
While the owner weighed it on his small scale, I couldn't take my eyes off it.
It wasn't worth much, really. My mother had saved for years to buy it when she was young. On the inside of the band, the character for my name was engraved in tiny script.
My hand shook so badly I could barely sign the slip.
That night I gave Chester the money. He pulled me into his arms, his whole body trembling.
「Sonia, I'll get it back. I promise.」
「I'll never let you suffer like this again.」
His eyes were so red they barely looked like his.
But he'd long since forgotten any of it.
The front door clicked open.
Chester walked in carrying two cake boxes.
He spotted me sitting at the dining table in the dark and paused, then came over and pressed his palm to my forehead.
「Why are all the lights off? You look awful. Is your stomach acting up again?」
His hand was warm against my skin, and the familiarity of it blurred something inside me for a second.
He slid one of the cake boxes toward me.
「Half-sugar mousse, your favorite. The other one's the milk cake Katherine likes. She barely ate anything today.」
I looked at the two boxes.
The milk cake was the largest size, the packaging tied with a pretty ribbon.
My mousse was small.
A sharp cramp twisted through my stomach and I doubled over, pressing both hands to my abdomen.
Chester frowned immediately, pulled the first-aid kit over to find antacids, then went to the kitchen for warm water.
「Did you skip meals again? I've told you, no matter how busy wedding prep gets, you have to eat.」
He held the pill to my lips. His tone was scolding, but his hands were gentle.
「Take this first. I'll make you some noodles.」
The sound of water boiling drifted from the kitchen.
He took off his suit jacket, rolled his shirtsleeves to the elbow, and started chopping vegetables.
A long time ago, when we lived in that tiny studio apartment, he used to make noodles for me just like this. He always cracked an extra egg into the bowl and promised that once he made it big, he'd take me somewhere nice to eat every single day.
Watching his back, I felt something in my chest soften for a moment.
Maybe that's just how pathetic people are.
No. Maybe that's just how pathetic I am.
Numb from all the hurt, and still, the second he turned around and offered the smallest scrap of warmth, I'd remember the way things used to be.
His phone cut through that warmth like a blade.
Chester glanced at the caller ID. The knife in his hand went still.
Katherine.
He answered, his voice dropping soft on instinct.
「What's wrong?」
Katherine's voice came through the speaker, trembling and tearful.
「Chester, the power just went out at my house. Mom and Dad aren't home. I'm all alone and I'm really scared.」
Chester looked at me.
I was still holding the glass of warm water. The pill hadn't gone down yet.
He was silent for a few seconds, then turned off the stove.
「I'll come check on you.」
I swallowed the pill. It left a bitter trail down my throat.
「So the noodles are off?」
He picked up his jacket, walked over, and smoothed his hand over my hair.
「Just boil yourself some noodles. It only takes a minute. Katherine's been afraid of the dark since she was little. I can't just ignore her.」
I looked up at him.
「What if she's scared on our wedding day too?」
Chester's brow creased.
「Sonia, don't use the wedding to pick a fight.」
「I'm not picking a fight.」
「Katherine isn't a stranger.」
He seemed to realize, a beat too late, that the words had come out wrong. He crouched down and took my hands, his voice evening out.
「Sonia, Uncle Ulysses Gill and Aunt Naomi raised me like their own son. When things were at their worst, Katherine was the one who gave up college so I could have the tuition and every chance she would've had. That kind of debt is too heavy to measure. Without them, there is no me. I know this isn't fair to you, but you're stronger than she is. You always have been.」
I looked at the guilt buried deep in his eyes and asked quietly.
「So everything you owe the Gills, I'm the one who has to pay it back for you?」
Chester visibly froze.
After a moment, he tried again to smooth things over.
「It's not about paying anything back. Sonia, I just need you to understand where I'm coming from.」
「After the wedding, I'll take you to Greece for the honeymoon. You've always wanted to see those white houses by the sea, right?」
「I won't think about anything else. It'll just be you and me.」
His gaze was earnest.
A month ago, that probably would have been enough.
Now I just stared back at him, hollow.
「Chester, it's always later with you.」
His throat bobbed. He was about to explain.
Katherine's voice came through the phone again, choked with tears.
「Chester……」
Chester closed his eyes. Then he let go of my hands.
「We'll talk when I get back.」
The door shut quietly behind him.
I sat there for a long time before I got up and walked to the kitchen.
The water in the pot had boiled and gone cold again.
I threw the mousse into the trash, plastic fork and all.
