2: 2
By the time I got home, I was soaked through.
Lucretia was sitting on the couch, laptop balanced on her knees.
She didn't even look up.
“I reminded you to take an umbrella this morning.”
No towel, no hot water, not even a decent word of concern.
I stood in the entryway, water dripping off the ends of my hair, pooling into a small puddle on the tile.
“On the evaluation sheet, you gave me a 58 and Clint a 98.”
“Why did you give him the highest score and me the lowest?”
Lucretia set the laptop on the coffee table and leaned back into the couch.
“Because it was fair.”
“Fair?”
“A lot of people at the company have already figured out what we are.”
“Out of deference to me, the review panel was always going to score you high.”
“If I scored you high too, your contest result would mean nothing.”
“So the lowest score had to come from me.”
I looked at her and dragged out a bitter smile.
“Lucretia, six years. Not once did I ever use us to get an opportunity.”
“Every project I ever worked on, I did with my own hands. This contest, I signed up on the strength of my project numbers. You know that.”
She picked up her cup, took a sip, and set it down, the base tapping lightly against the table.
“Because there's one thing you still haven't learned. At work, if people think you got there through connections, then you got there through connections.”
“I gave Clint the highest score because on the day of his contest speech he went the whole way without notes, full of energy, poised. He earned it.”
“So you admit it. You gave him a 98 not for ability, but for how he carried himself?”
Lucretia stood up and looked down at me.
“Dudley, can you not do this every single time you fail? Start hunting for reasons to blame someone else?”
“You lost. That's all it is.”
I tipped my head back and fought to hold the tears in, but my eyes burned until they ached.
“If I'd lost because I'm not as good as him, I could honestly wish him well. But the reason I lost is you!”
“My girlfriend of six years! The one who saw exactly how hard I worked! And it was your 58 that dropped me from first to fifth and cost me the contest!”
Lucretia turned her head and clicked her tongue, impatience in her voice.:
“That's the difference between you and him. If he'd been the one who lost today, he'd just smile and wish you well. Always positive. He'd never blame anyone.”
“And you? All you ever do is sit here feeling sorry for yourself.”
I let out a laugh, and the tears came down.
“Lucretia, I've been feeling sorry for myself for six years.”
“But what hurts is that in six years I never once got a normal relationship! Six years of splitting every bill, returning your gifts, never riding to work in your car, laying every project result out in front of everyone for anyone to check——”
“I lived like that just to prove I'm not the kind of person you despise most!”
Lucretia said nothing.
She just stood there, hands in her pockets, watching me.
I slowly sank down, one hand braced on the floor, the water in my hair running down mixed with tears.
“Six years...”
“I tried so hard... why do I end up with nothing... why did it have to be you...”
I hugged my knees and cried out loud, my whole body shaking.
Lucretia's phone rang.
She picked up, and her voice turned gentle and patient at once.
“Clint? Mm.”
“That project analysis... I'll send you a template to work from... it's no trouble.”
“Ms. Henson... am I just too slow?”
Clint's voice leaked through the receiver.
“You're not slow. I'll teach you, take your time.”
A pack of tissues landed by my feet with a slap.
“If you're going to cry, keep it down. He's still over there rushing a proposal.”
“You can let one little setback drag you under if you want, but at least leave some quiet for the people who actually want to get ahead.”
