2: 2
I sat on the street corner, the cold wind slamming into my face.
It stung, but I didn't cry.
The ultrasound printout was nearly crushed in my hand.
My wedding had to be arranged the way my sister wanted, and now even my child had to account for my sister's feelings.
The phone rang. It was Mom.
"Your sister says you're pregnant?"
My nose prickled.
"Yeah. I was thinking—"
Mom cut me off.
"Do what Kieran arranged. Get rid of it."
"Your sister can't take one more shock."
"You're still young. There's no rush to have children later."
A dragging ache pulled low in my belly.
"Mom, I—"
"Kieran is a good boy. Thoughtful."
"Your sister was depressed before. She nearly killed herself."
"Don't be so selfish!"
When the call ended, the whole world tilted around me.
This was my child, and every single person wanted me to kill him for my sister's sake.
Fine. Just as you all wish.
That afternoon, I went to the wedding house.
It was the place I'd put the down payment on myself.
But everywhere I looked, this house belonged to my sister.
The bedding was the pink she liked.
The bed curtains were the pure white she liked.
I had never spent a night here, yet in the bathroom there were two toothbrushes, both already used.
I could picture it too easily: my sister and Kieran brushing their teeth together, teasing each other, then looking up and smiling.
"Ugh—"
I gripped the toilet, retching and unable to stop.
The pain in my belly kept coming in sharp waves.
So my child knew it too, that his father didn't love him.
He didn't want to come into this world.
Kieran came back and saw me slumped over the toilet. Calmly, he handed me an abortion appointment slip.
"I picked this hospital especially for you."
"The doctor doing your procedure is the best in the field. No side effects, guaranteed."
What he handed me wasn't a slip. It was the knife he'd use to kill me.
How much does a man have to love another woman to hand his fiancée an abortion this calmly.
He helped me up, careful, almost eager to please, wiping the mess from around my mouth.
His eyes were tender and merciless at once.
"Katie, your sister has really had it so hard."
"You're my fiancée. I don't want to owe your family anything."
On him, I could smell my sister's shampoo.
"Fine. I'll go for the abortion tomorrow."
Kieran nodded, and at last he smiled, relieved.
"Katie, I knew it. You've always been sensible, always understood the bigger picture."
"I'll take tomorrow afternoon off and drive you to the hospital."
Good, I thought.
Once the child was gone, there would be nothing left tying me to Kieran.
His phone rang. It was my mom.
"Kieran! Come quick!!!"
"Polly isn't right, she's on the rooftop, crying that she wants to go be with her husband and son!"
Kieran's face went taut.
He shoved me aside at once.
"Katie! Take care of yourself, I have to get over there now!"
My footing gave, my balance went, and my forehead struck the edge of the sink.
Blood ran down from my temple.
Kieran hesitated for only one second.
"Katie, go to the ER yourself and get it bandaged."
"Your sister really can't be left alone right now!"
"If I get there too late, something terrible could happen!"
He raced out the door.
The huge slam of it shook something in my chest.
He really was so frantic over my sister.
And me? His fiancée. What was I worth?
Tears and blood mixed together.
I stumbled to the kitchen and yanked a magnet off the fridge.
It was the one thing in this whole wedding house I could find that had anything to do with me.
The magnet was a snowy mountain. Kieran and I had once planned to go to Silverton this winter to see the snow.
He used to say, Katie, I'm going to take you to see all the beautiful country there is.
