"Selma, don't be angry with Sebastian. He spent forever hunting for this yesterday."
She held out the bug balm to me.
A little green tin, its lid already pried loose.
"He said you'd definitely get bitten, so he told me to keep it for you."
I looked at that little tin.
Something lodged in my chest.
So he knew.
He knew Honeymoon Island was full of mosquitoes.
He knew I would wait.
He knew I would be bitten.
And he still didn't come.
Sebastian reached over, took the tin, and pressed it into my palm.
"All right, quit sulking. He bought you the balm, what more do you want?"
The metal tin was cold.
Against my palm it felt like a hard little block of ice.
Suddenly I thought of six months ago, when he'd sent me the travel guide for Honeymoon Island.
White-sand beaches in the photos, glassy water, a dolphin someone had caught on camera.
He'd said,
"Let's go here for our graduation trip."
I asked why.
He ruffled my hair.
"You'll find out when the time comes."
Later I happened to see his search history on his phone.
Honeymoon Island proposal ideas.
Dolphin sunrise proposal.
That day I sat in the library and stared at the screen, smiling for a long time.
The afternoon sun fell across the pages, and I couldn't take in a single problem.
I thought that was our future.
So yesterday when he told me to wait, I really waited.
From the sun high overhead until the sea turned black.
From the last tourists drifting away until the ticket booth went dark.
I sat in the waiting area hugging my backpack, watching my phone's battery tick down bit by bit.
Mosquitoes hummed against my ear.
I texted him.
First message: Sebastian, where are you guys?
Second message: The last ferry's about to leave.
Third message: I'm a little scared.
He didn't reply.
I pressed the phone to my chest and heard my own heartbeat slow, one beat after another.
Like a lamp the sea wind had put out.
Now he stood in front of me, telling me to stop sulking.
I looked down at the bug balm in my hand.
My nails dug into my palm.
Katherine was still smiling.
"Selma, why don't you shower first? We wanted to go check out the night market later."
Sebastian patted my head too.
"Stop dragging out the schedule."
I looked up at him.
"Sebastian."
He gave an impatient "Mm."
I'd meant to ask him whether he'd ever once thought, yesterday, that something might happen to me out there alone.
But the words got to my mouth, and I swallowed them back.
I stepped past them, pulled open my suitcase, and dug out clean clothes.
Just before the bathroom door shut, I heard Katherine lower her voice.
"Is she angry?"
Sebastian said,
"She's always like this."
The running water covered the rest.
Hot water fell on my skin, stinging the swollen bites.
I leaned against the cold tile and slowly sank down.
My tears mixed with the water.
No sound.
I just understood, all at once.
Sebastian's promises weren't ones he'd never keep.
They only expired for me.
And the proposal I'd waited a whole night for on Honeymoon Island had left before dawn, along with the last ferry.
At four in the afternoon, Sebastian woke me.
"Come on, get dressed, we're going out to eat."
I'd only slept a little while, and my head was still heavy.
When I opened my eyes, the curtains weren't drawn tight, and the island light squeezed in through the gap, sharp enough to make my eyes ache.
"I don't want to go."
Outside the door it went quiet for two seconds.
Sebastian pushed the door open and came in, holding the half bottle of water I hadn't finished that morning.
"Didn't you say you wanted seafood? I booked that trending restaurant. Call it making it up to you."
