Both of his hands were already gripping my shoulders very tightly. Chris tightened his grip even more when he saw my shocked face.
I whimpered in pain as Chris gripped my shoulders for more than a minute. His attitude of accusing me of cheating on him made me want to kill him. Chris, who I adored all this time, turned out to be a coward who ran away from reality. And preferred to find a scapegoat for the mistakes he had made.
"Chris, you're hurting me." My whimpering didn't even reduce the grip of his very strong hand on my shoulder. I could only surrender to the pain that radiated throughout my body. In his anger, I could see that he had something to hide.
Seeing him stall for time made me even more uncontrollable. Once again I screamed for him to release his grip on my shoulders, and he finally listened. Chris released his hand and apologised. He said that it was a reflex because he felt so jealous.
"Oh listen to me, Chris! This woman wants to destroy me! Don't you care about me?" I instantly felt very desperate and pitiable to Chris. I no longer cared about my relationship with Chris, ever since I saw his infidelity with my own eyes.
I've loved modelling for a long time, and never thought of leaving it. Even though I'm married to a wealthy man like Chris.
"I'm not ignorant, Kimberly. But I didn't feel like filming you back then!" I once again heard Chris deny my accusations. Then he said something that further added to the anguish of my soul. "Why should you be scared if you're only doing it with me? Unless you're doing it with someone else." Chris's words, which were so dismissive of Renata's threats and her repeated accusations towards me, made me even more unbearable.
I stood up and tried to take his mobile phone by force. Chris looked panicked and scared from the look in his eyes. His mobile phone was like a precious item that he needed to guard well and should not be touched by anyone.
"Give me your phone!" I shouted hysterically when Chris didn't give me his phone. I kept trying to get it but again he said that mobile phones are his privacy. I could hardly believe that my husband would do something like this to me. Had I been too trusting of him all this time? Just because he's been my god-send? My mind screamed, endlessly spinning thoughts like that in my head.
"See? If you have nothing to hide, you'll give me your phone, Chris!" I shouted loudly and boldly. Ever since the threat from Renata came, I hadn't called him by the favourite nickname I used to say to him. My tongue felt so heavy, just to call him with words of affection.
"I told you from the start! Mobile phones are my privacy and we agreed never to discuss them!" Chris repeatedly reminded me. Hearing his words, my heart ached even more and I decided to just leave him. Chris was silent and gave me an inexplicable look before I turned my body around.
I laid my body down on my soft bed, in another room adjacent to the kitchen. I deliberately chose this place and didn't sleep with Chris in my room. Since I left him earlier in the room where we used to relax watching television, Chris hadn't shown his nose at all.
I didn't really care anymore. Who and where my husband was with. All I could think about was how I could find and delete the video footage of my husband.
I couldn't stay still and kept moving around because of my anxiety. Especially thinking about the things that had been eating away at my soul and mind. I tried to listen for sounds from outside the room. Hoping that my husband was fast asleep or not even in his room.
I decided to wake up from my sleep. I snuck my body out of the room, and I didn't find my husband there. I tried to look for him in other rooms, just to confirm Chris' whereabouts, but to no avail. It was a relief to see Chris' absence there. I quickly made my way to Chris's study, where he always kept his laptop. My eyes searched everywhere when I couldn't find Chris's laptop on his desk. As if he knew what I was about to do, Chris took the laptop with him.
The disappointment I felt at that moment was also expressed by getting some fresh air. I opened the glass door that overlooked the city at night. I stood on the balcony floor of the apartment and stared blankly at the lights coming from the lamps.
It felt so empty without Chris by my side anymore. I felt alone and lonely, without someone I loved by my side. This is the first time I've felt loss.
It was also the first time I felt how to love and hate someone at the same time. Chris, the man who was always covered by reporters and on the front pages of the mass media, was so successful in his career and in love. How could he not, he could afford everything with his wealth.
I was so stupid to expect something that couldn't happen in this world. Expecting Chris to be like a prince in a fairy tale who would only be faithful to me for life. I was planning to go on my umpteenth honeymoon trip with him this month. I deliberately wanted to give him a surprise as his birthday present.
My mind drifted back to Chris' romantic behaviour in front of everyone when he was with me. When I had trouble adjusting my shoelaces while jogging together, he did it for me. Likewise, when I accidentally dropped my mobile phone into the river during a photoshoot, he picked it up without hesitation by swimming away when the water current was swift.
The little things he did for me back then were so touching. Chris was always stunning and many who saw him praised his treatment of me. His attitude that was so sincere in loving me and his reflex movements like a superhero when the situation was critical, made me fall even more in love.
Knowing his infidelity now makes me no longer eager to go out with him. Even to see him was not in the mood. I decided to file for divorce after I managed to get Chris to delete the video or I deleted it myself.
