My father went quiet for a moment.
"You're sure about this? Anything you need help with, anything giving you trouble?"
He'd probably guessed something big had happened, for me to be this set on it.
"Yeah."
I nodded. "Dad, I heard you know someone who breeds Tibetan mastiffs. Get me two of them today. The meanest ones you can find."
So Elmer Gilbert wanted to play dirty?
Fine. I'd play right back, and beat him at his own game.
I ended the call.
Then I went out and bought a few small wireless cameras, tucked them into hidden spots, and linked them straight to my phone.
Right on cue, a message came from my mother: 【Elmer's coming home today. Go buy two bottles of whiskey.】
Last time around, at that same dinner, my mother and Antonia kept saying the two of us hadn't seen each other in ages, pushing drink after drink on me.
I got dead drunk. When I woke up, tens of thousands of chickens were poisoned and dead.
Looking back now, they'd already worked it all out beforehand. The whole thing was a setup.
This time, I came home with empty hands.
The table was covered with dishes.
That kind of spread was for Elmer alone.
When I came home, it was plain bread and pickles for me.
"Where's the whiskey?"
My mother saw my hands were empty, and her whole face went cold.
"What's this? Can't even spring for two bottles of liquor? What kind of older cousin are you?"
"Go buy it now. And pick up a folding phone for Elmer while you're at it."
I'd heard lines like this too many times to count.
I used to let it slide, telling myself she was my mother. This time I shot back, "Why don't I just hand Elmer the whole chicken farm and be done with it?"
"Really?"
She didn't seem to catch the edge in it. If anything, her eyes lit up.
That made me laugh, a bitter one. "Would I dare not to? You're already planning to wreck it."
"Last time it was a weasel let loose in the coop. What's next, arson? Poison?"
She froze. A flicker of guilt crossed her eyes, then her voice climbed straight into anger.
"Is that any way to talk to me? Can't you learn something from Elmer? He's so much more decent."
"If you think I set a fire, then call the police, have them cart me off!"
"From now on, pretend you never had a mother. And I never had a son like you!"
"As long as Elmer still claims me, that's enough!"
Every time she was in the wrong, she buried it under a tantrum.
"Fine. You've favored Elmer over me since we were kids anyway."
My eyes stung. "The money went missing from your nightstand, and you beat me for it. Turned out Elmer stole it."
"You didn't say one harsh word to him. You slipped him another hundred and told him to go buy himself something nice."
"My pencils, I sharpened down to nubs the size of my finger, and you told me to be thrifty, to make do."
"But every week you gave Elmer ten brand-new ones, and told him if he couldn't use them all, just throw them out."
"You put him through college and made me drop out to work. Now that I've finally built something of my own, you want to destroy it. Just because you're afraid Elmer might feel outdone."
"Is that fair to me?"
The truth was, I hadn't planned to say any of it. But watching her sing Elmer's praises again.
In the end I couldn't hold it in, and the questions came pouring out, all my defenses down.
Maybe it was the first time she'd seen me like this.
My mother stood there dumbstruck, all her fire draining out of her, and fell silent.
"Aunt Effie."
"How could you go and wreck my cousin's chicken farm, and all for my sake!"
And right then, Elmer's voice came from the doorway.
