Not Trapped with You, Not Trapped in Love

It was our tenth wedding anniversary.Over a decade,I had given all my life,my youth,my beauty and hard work in the name of a man.But in the end,I left with my own baseless feelings.

I filed a divorce petition against my husband,Ryan Farnanadez.

The gift he had given me,was lying on my lap,the innocent puppy.

When I looked at those pair of innocent flickering eyes,I recalled the old days when I was still young and could fall in love.The innocence I held at that time,was now ruined by Ryan,that arrogant bastard.

Ryan was always surrounded by young and beautiful girls.He played with those girls nearly the age of eighteen and even spent nights together.He never cared for me.But I was not someone who could accept an open marriage and let her partner do whatever they wanted.

I set my eyes on the puppy again,he was licking my palm and caressing its furry body on me like back then when Ryan would pester me always.

I didn't want it anymore or should I say I didn't want to recall those memories anymore!

I sent the puppy back to the pet store.

Ryan didn't reply to any of my messages which I sent him an hour ago,I wondered if he saw the divorce agreement.

Well,nor did I care!Over a decade,my heart had gotten numb and used to live with his indifference.

After the puppy was gone,the already empty house was now lonier.

I didn't want to do any housework.Well,even if the house was big enough to hold almost fifty people,it could never become a home.

I took a long hot shower,letting all my worries,hard work and sorrows run down with the flow of water.If only I could be like water and could wash the dirt of my life away from me.

“Ryan!My biggest mistake…”I mumble.

When I came out of the washroom,my eyes were red after a long shower.I went to bed without drying my hair.

…

I didn't know how long I had been sleeping but I woke up with the sound of hard knocking on the door.

“Ugh!”I grunted as I was still half asleep.

When I opened the door,I found a delicate young girl sobbing on the door.

It was Zenelia Devis,Ryan’s new secretary.She was a college graduate and the only daughter of Farnanadez’s business partner.

“Now what's with all this drama!”I uttered in my mind but didn't let it out.

“Why…are you here?”I rubbed my eyes to flee the slumber away.

She was crying like a child!

Young,beautiful and unrestrained.

Likewise,no brains,crystal clear stupidity.

“Mrs Farnanadez,I’m very sorry.”She sobbed harder,almost begging now,“Please don't be cruel to Ryan.You can hit me,scold me if you want but don't slander Ryan,alright?

He is truly busy.”

Wow!What a great show.For a while,I thought she was pleading so hard as if I wanted her husband.True,after all mistresses had also a sense of right.

I sneered.

But I didn't understand why she was putting on such a show but before I could say anything further,Ryan entered,all worried and sweaty.

He cupped Zenelia’s face and wiped away her tears,“Zen,don't cry.”

He was patting her head gently until she calmed down.

What a lovely scene but it only wanted me to puke.

As it was the end of December,the weather was chilly.My thin pyjamas couldn't resist the cold and I coughed harder.Only then did Ryan notice me.

He gritted his teeth at me.

“Have you had enough,Selena?”He almost roared,“She is just a child.Can you behave a little?”

“Ryan…”I was cut in the middle.

All his gentleness,tenderness were gone…

“Selena,you are thirty already.”He snorted,“Why are you still being so childish?”

Yes,I was already thirty years old and had been married to Ryan for ten years.

It was amazing to see that he didn't remember our tenth wedding anniversary,but he remembered my age so well and was constantly reminding me that I was no longer young.

“Yes,you are right.”I nodded.Fuck,I just didn't want to talk with this bastard!

“I will clean up the room for you.”I directly looked at them,my eyes were hollow.

“Or should you guys take the Master bedroom?”I smiled.

Zenelia’s face was extremely red in anger and shame.She chided,“Mrs Farnanadez,you went too far.”

She burst into tears and hurriedly ran away.

“Selena!”Ryan glared at me fiercely and followed her.

I looked at the time.It was already 1.30 in the morning and had no trace of Ryan.

Previously,he still lied about his whereabouts saying he had meetings or engagements but now he lifted all the facade and was bringing girls home.

I laid down on my bed.The bed was as cold as him.

As I closed my eyes,I still could see Ryan but this one was not the one who treated me coldly but the one with whom I fell in love in my sixteen.

I couldn't sleep anymore,after tossing and turning for a while I got up.

My heart suddenly felt like it was being pulled apart.

When I woke up,it was already 10am but Ryan didn't come.

I put Ryan’s flight ticket on the table beside the bed and packed my luggage.Under the dim light of the bedside lamp,the ticket for Japan was still glowing whereas the fire in my mind was yet to subside.

I left for myself.

“Ryan,this is the last chance I’m giving us.After that,there's no going back.”I mumbled as I left for Japan with my suitcase.