I picked out a soft blue sweater that morning. Cecilia always said blue looked good on me. I curled the ends of my hair the way she used to in the foster home bathroom, when we shared one cracked mirror between three kids.
The camellias sat on the passenger seat. White, like the ones we used to press between library books. I had asked the florist for the freshest bunch. He wrapped them in cream paper and tied them with twine.
"For someone special?" he asked.
"My sister," I said. "She's coming home today."
Not my real sister. Better than that. Cecilia took the fall for me when we were nineteen. Three years of her life so I could keep mine. I never stopped owing her. I never wanted to stop.
The drive upstate took an hour. I rehearsed her favorite breakfast in my head. Pancakes with too much syrup. Coffee black. I had stocked the guest room. New sheets. A robe. A small stack of books she had wanted to read before she went in.
Shane didn't know I was coming. That was the plan. He said he had meetings all morning, that he'd see her at dinner. I wanted these first hours just for us. Sister time.
I turned the last bend toward the correctional facility, and my foot slipped off the gas.
A black Mercedes was already parked at the curb. Engine running. Plate number ending in 88—Shane's lucky number, he always said.
I pulled into the lot across the way and killed the engine. My hands stayed on the wheel. I told myself there was a reason. A surprise. A favor. Maybe he wanted to bring her flowers too.
The gate opened. Cecilia walked out in gray sweats and a black t-shirt, a small plastic bag under one arm. She looked thinner. Paler. But she smiled. Not at the sky. Not at freedom.
At him.
Shane stepped out of the driver's seat. He didn't hug her like a brother. He pulled her in by the waist and pressed his forehead to hers. She closed her eyes. He whispered something. She laughed.
The camellias were still on the passenger seat.
I didn't get out.
I watched them slide into the car together. Watched her hand reach across the console and rest on his thigh, easy, familiar, like she had done it a hundred times before.
I followed.
Down the highway, into the city. Through traffic on the FDR. I kept three cars back. My fingers had gone cold on the wheel. The bouquet bounced gently every time I hit a pothole.
They pulled up to a hotel in Midtown. Not one of the big ones. A small one, brick front, the kind with no name on the awning. The kind you go to when you don't want a name.
I parked across the street.
Through the lobby window I watched the front desk clerk slide a keycard across the counter. Shane signed something. Cecilia leaned against him, her cheek on his shoulder. Their fingers laced. Pinky over pinky, the way Shane used to do with me on movie nights.
They came back outside to grab a bag from the trunk. That's when he did it. He cupped her face with both hands, the way a man cups water he doesn't want to spill, and kissed her. Slow. Long. Unhurried. Like the street wasn't there. Like I wasn't there.
The bouquet slipped from my arms before I knew I had picked it up. White petals scattered on the pavement outside my car door. I didn't bend to pick them up. I just stood there and watched a stranger in my husband's body kiss the girl who once split a candy bar with me under a stairwell.
I got back in the car. I drove home.
I don't remember the drive.
The penthouse was dark when I came in. I didn't turn on the lights. I sat on the white sofa with the dead flowers in my lap and watched the sky over Central Park go from gold to gray to black. I didn't cry. My eyes felt hot and dry, like something inside had already burned out.
I opened my phone.
February. "Working late, baby. Don't wait up."
March. A charge for a hotel I'd never heard of. He said it was a client dinner.
April. The shift. The way his hand stopped reaching for mine in the elevator. The way he flinched the night I mentioned Cecilia's release date over dinner.
May. June. July. A trail I had refused to see.
It all snapped into focus. Clean. Final. Like an X-ray of a bone I'd been walking on for months without knowing it was broken.
The front door clicked at seven-forty.
"Stella?" Shane called. His voice was warm. Tired in the right places. He carried a paper bag from the Italian place I liked. "Hey, you home?"
I stood up. I put the camellias in the trash on my way to the foyer. I smoothed my sweater.
"In here," I said.
He walked in and kissed my cheek. He smelled like cologne and something floral underneath it. Her shampoo.
"Long day," he said.
"Yeah?" I took the bag from him and smiled. The smile sat on my face exactly where it always did. "Tell me about it. I'll pour the wine."
He loosened his tie and started talking. I uncorked the bottle. I poured two glasses. I watched his mouth move and I listened to every word, and somewhere behind my eyes, very quietly, I started counting.
I was going to need every piece. Every receipt. Every lie. I was going to be patient.
And then I was going to end him.
