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Two days before the family holiday gathering, my mother posted a photo of the round table in the family group chat and said this year the whole family had to be together, all of us.
Then she messaged me privately: "We've saved you a seat at home."
I sat through a six-hour bus ride and came home carrying the holiday pie she'd specifically asked for.
The door opened, and there in my seat sat the boyfriend Rain Abbott had brought home for the first time.
Smiling, my mother pushed a soup bowl into my hands.
"It's his first time here, let him sit on the inside. You're family. What does it matter where you sit?"
That night, I pushed open the door to my old room and found the sheets, the curtains, the wardrobe all changed to the way Rain liked them.
My things were packed in cardboard boxes, stacked on top of the wardrobe.
My mother dragged a folding cot out from the balcony. "You don't come home much. Make it up and it'll do for sleeping."
The next day the relatives asked about the room.
My mother laughed first.
"Her sister's used to living on her own out there. She only stays a night or two when she's back."
"She said herself she'd give the room to her sister. Isn't that right, sweetheart?"
I looked at her, opened the chat with my landlady, and sent over the deposit to renew my lease.
Then I said, "I never gave it up. You just didn't save it for me."
......
Two days before the family holiday gathering, my mother posted a photo of the round table in the family group chat.
The tablecloth was new, eight place settings laid out, and in the very center, a space left open for a box of holiday pie.
She wrote in the chat: "This year, for the holiday, the whole family has to be together, all of us."
I stared at that line for a long time.
So when she messaged me privately this time, asking me to clear my shift, I barely hesitated.
She sent: "We've saved you a seat at home."
I swapped my night shift with a coworker and took half a day off on top of it.
Right before I left, my mother called again and told me to buy two boxes of holiday pie.
"Your dad loves the custard-filled ones, and your sister says her boyfriend's never had them from that place."
I asked while I stood in line. "Rain's boyfriend is coming too?"
My mother let out a small laugh. "It's his first visit, so don't go making that face. It's the holiday. More people, more fun."
I said I understood.
The bus ran six hours. It was already dark when I got in. I carried the holiday pie and my suitcase up the stairs, and just as I reached the door, I heard laughing inside.
"Eat up, don't hold back, just treat this like home."
I pushed the door open.
The living room lights were on bright, and the food was already on the table.
Dad sat by the window, Rain sat next to my mother, and her boyfriend sat on the inside, in exactly the seat that used to be mine.
That seat was against the wall, the one I'd sat in since I was small.
Back then my legs were too short to reach the dishes far off, so my mother would set the little blue-rimmed bowl by my hand and say this spot was mine from then on.
Seeing me standing there, Rain's boyfriend got up at once. "Milly, should I move?"
Before he could finish, my mother had already taken the holiday pie out of my hands and pressed a soup bowl into them instead.
"Move for what? It's his first time here, let him sit on the inside."
She glanced at me, her tone perfectly ordinary.
"You're family. What does it matter where you sit?"
Rain stood up too. "Milly, why don't I move over and you take this seat?"
My mother tugged her back down. "Stay put, you're tired today too. Your sister just walked in, she can go grab a pair of chopsticks from the kitchen."
I looked down at the soup bowl in my hands.
The rim was hot, so I balanced it on my fingertips and went around the table to the kitchen.
By the kitchen door was a low stool people used for changing shoes, my dad's old newspaper still weighing it down.
I moved the newspaper aside and found a pair of chopsticks.
By the time I came out, my mother had already coaxed Rain's boyfriend back into his seat.
She pushed that low stool over to the corner of the table.
"Sit here. You'll be close to Mom this way."
The corner was farthest from the food, right up against the gift bags Rain had brought.
Rain's boyfriend looked a little uncomfortable and said again, "Milly, I really can move."
My mother answered for me, smiling. "No need. She's never cared about things like this, even as a kid."
She picked up a bite of fish and put it in his bowl.
"It's your first time here, try Auntie's cooking."
The holiday pie I'd brought was opened, and Rain took out a piece and handed it to him.
"My sister bought this specially, she waited in line forever."
He thanked her quickly.
Before I could say anything, my mother spoke first. "She got it on her way. It was no trouble."
I looked at her.
She didn't look at me.
The line she'd sent me privately came back up on the phone screen in my mind.
We've saved you a seat at home.
I'd thought that was the reason for me to come back.
But at this table, even Adrian Dickerson, here for the first time, had a fresh bowl my mother had just set out in front of him.
I was the only one squeezed in as an afterthought.
Halfway through the meal, Rain put down her chopsticks and looked up. "Mom, how are we sleeping tonight?"
My mother picked the bones out of the fish and put it in Rain's bowl.
"Don't worry, I got your sister's room ready a while ago."
Rain paused, and glanced at me.
My mother didn't catch that glance. She went on.
"You've got to take Adrian around to see the relatives tomorrow, so stay somewhere comfortable. Your sister's used to living on her own out there. She can make do with anything."
