Three days before the will reading I had to get out of the house.
The house was really getting to me. Every room was like a museum of my fathers absence; every creak of the floorboards sounded like footsteps that would never come again. My fathers slippers were still by the door. His newspaper from that morning was still folded on the kitchen table; the crossword half finished his handwriting trailing off mid-clue like he'd simply meant to come back to it later. I couldn't be in that house another minute without feeling like the walls themselves were closing in on me.
So I walked, aimlessly until my feet led me to a café tucked between a bookstore and a flower shop, the kind of place with mismatched chairs and the smell of fresh espresso thick in the air.
I ordered a coffee I didn't really want and sat by the window watching the city move past me like I was underwater disconnected from all of it. People walked by with their lives intact. Grocery bags, phone calls, laughter shared between friends. And I remember feeling a strange hollow envy toward every single one of them for the simple luxury of an unremarkable day.
It was there staring blankly into my cup that I first noticed the stranger.
He was sitting two tables away alone with a newspaper folded beside a cup of tea. He wasn't reading it. He was watching the door with tension in his shoulders like a man waiting for something. Or someone. That he both wanted and dreaded to see.
I remember thinking, in the way grief lets you notice things without fully processing them that he looked like he was bracing for bad news the same way I'd been bracing for it for over a week.
I hadn't meant to stare.. There was something about the stranger that pulled my attention and refused to let go. The stranger was tall even sitting down I could tell, with shoulders that filled out his simple gray sweater in a way that seemed almost unfair. The stranger's hair was brown, short with a wave to it that looked like he'd run his fingers through it one too many times.. The strangers' eyes. When the stranger finally glanced over and caught me staring. Were a dark warm brown eye that seemed to hold entire storms behind them.
I should have looked away. Instead I offered an embarrassed smile.
To my surprise the stranger smiled back. It transformed the stranger's face, softening the tension in the stranger's jaw and for a moment the stranger didn't look like a stranger with storms in the stranger's eyes. The stranger looked like someone I might have known in my life.
"Rough day?" the stranger asked, the strangers voice low and warm carrying easily across the space between our tables.
" Month " I admitted before I could stop myself. I'm not usually so honest with strangers. Grief had stripped away some of my usual filters leaving raw honesty in its place. "Rough year, if I'm being fully truthful."
"I know that feeling," the stranger. Something in the way the stranger said it made me believe the stranger completely. There was a heaviness behind the strangers eyes that matched my own, a kind of recognition that passed between two strangers who both understood in that instant that the other was carrying something.
The stranger gestured to the chair across from the stranger. "Do you mind? I could use the distraction if you're willing to provide one."
I should have said no. The stranger was a stranger to me. I was a stranger to strangers and my father had just died and I had a business to somehow learn how to run and this was absolutely not the time to be inviting handsome strangers to sit with me in cafés.
"Sure " I heard myself say instead. "Why not."
The stranger's name the stranger told me was Freddie. Freddie didn't offer a name and I didn't offer mine either. There was something freeing. About the anonymity of it. About being just a woman and just a man in a café with no history and no expectations pressing down on either of us.
For those two hours I wasn't the daughter of a dying company. I wasn't a woman about to inherit a legacy I never asked for. I was simply a woman sitting across from Freddie, a stranger who listened like every word out of my mouth mattered.
We talked for two hours. Freddie asked about my father gently. I found myself telling Freddie things I hadn't even told Chloe yet. How guilty I felt for not visiting more in the last year, how terrified I was of stepping into a role I'd never asked for, how much I missed hearing my father hum old jazz songs while he cooked breakfast on Sunday mornings.
I told Freddie about the way my father used to burn the toast every time and pretend it was intentional calling it "extra crispy" like that had been the plan all along. Freddie laughed at that, a real laugh, warm and surprised like Freddie hadn't expected to laugh all that day.
"You sound like he was a man, " Freddie said quietly.
"He was, " I said, blinking back tears. "He was the man I knew."
Freddie's own eyes darkened at that. I caught the faintest flicker of something painful across Freddie's face. Envy, maybe or grief of a different kind. "You're lucky " Freddie said. "Not everyone gets a father worth missing that much."
I wanted to ask what Freddie meant. I wanted to ask about the tension I'd noticed in Freddie's shoulders. About who Freddie had been waiting for when I first walked in.. There was a wall behind Freddies eyes that told me some doors weren't meant to be opened by a stranger no matter how easy the conversation had become.
So instead I let the moment pass and something told me Freddie was grateful for it.
Instead I asked Freddie what he did for work. Watch Freddie hesitate.
"It's complicated, " Freddie said finally. "My family is involved in a lot of things. I don't always get to choose my path the way I'd like to."
"I understand that more than you'd think " I said, thinking of the business now sitting on my shoulders, the employees depending on me, the legacy I hadn't chosen but couldn't abandon. It felt strange and comforting even to sit across from Freddie, a stranger who seemed to carry an invisible weight even if neither of us could fully name it out loud.
At one point the barista came by to refill our cups and Freddie thanked her by name. Marta I think it was. With an ease that struck me as odd for someone who'd claimed moments earlier to have a relationship with Freddie's own life. Freddie noticed my glance and shrugged, almost sheepishly.
"I come here a lot, " Freddie admitted. "It's one of the places I can just sit. Nobody bothers me here. Nobody wants anything from me."
"What do people usually want from you?" I asked, genuinely curious despite myself.
Freddie was quiet for a moment turning his cup slowly on its saucer. "Everything " Freddie said finally with a humorless laugh. "Or nothing at all which is somehow worse because at least when someone wants something specific you know exactly what you're dealing with."
I didn't understand what Freddie meant, not really not yet.. Something in Freddie's voice made me want to reach across the table and take Freddie's hand to tell him that whatever weight he was carrying he didn't have to carry it alone at that moment.
"For what it's worth " I said instead "you don't seem like someone people should be afraid to talk to."
Something shifted in Freddie's expression softening further like I'd said something that mattered more than I realized. "That might be the thing anyone's said to me in longer than I'd like to admit " Freddie said quietly.
We talked about things after that. Books we'd both pretended to finish in school, a terrible movie we'd each seen more than once despite hating it, the strange comfort of foods that remind you of childhood even when they're objectively not very good. It was easy in a way conversations rarely're unburdened by the usual dance of first impressions.
I found myself laughing, actually laughing, for the time since the hospital had called.
We didn't exchange numbers. It hadn't felt necessary at the moment. It had felt like something in itself a single afternoon meant to exist outside of time untethered to the messiness of real life.
When we finally stood to leave Freddie walked me to the door. For one long moment we simply looked at each other, the noise of the café and the street, outside fading into something distant and unimportant.
"I hope things get easier for you, " Freddie said softly. "You seem like someone enough to survive whatever's coming."
"You too " I replied, though I didn't fully know what I meant by it.
He smiled at me one time and then he was lost in the crowd on the sidewalk. I stood there for a time feeling a little better than I had in days. It was the first time since my father died that I felt like myself again. This was all because of a man I did not know well. I only know his name and where he lived I knew not. I did not know what he did for a living. I did not know why his eyes seemed sad even when he was smiling.
In the days that followed I thought about him a lot. I thought about him during my fathers funeral. I thought about him when I was reading my fathers will. I even thought about him when I was dealing with the marriage contract. His face would appear in my mind at times. I would see his smile when I was signing papers. I would hear his voice when I was lying awake at night.
I tried to tell myself that it did not mean anything. He was a stranger I met in a café. We only talked for a while. That was all. I thought it was a nice conversation with someone who was kind to me during a tough time.
I had no idea that Freddie Ethan was thinking about me too. He was thinking about me from across the city. He was in a house with iron gates and guards. He was thinking about a woman with eyes and a nice smile. He was wondering if he would see me again. He was worried about the woman his father wanted him to marry. He had never met this woman before.
We did not know that our lives were already connected. The papers just had not caught up yet. When they did I would meet Freddie Ethan again. This time it would be in a meeting. I thought he would be cold and distant.. He was not. He was the man I had been thinking about.
I think about that day a lot. I think about it like it was a stone I found on the beach. I want to remember every part of it. There was nothing about it but it felt special to me. We were two strangers talking.. It feels like something more. It feels like it is a part of me now.
My friend Chloe asked me why I did not ask for his phone number. I did not have an answer. I still do not have an answer. I just know that it felt like something that was only meant to happen. I thought it was enough.. I was wrong.
