When I asked Dad about taking me to school last night, he had told me that if I'd get off my high horse and go back to Ballylaggin Community School like Joey and every other kid on our street, I wouldn't need a lift to school.
"I'm so fucking proud of you, Shan," Joey said in a voice that was thick with emotion. "You don't even realize how brave you are." Clearing his throat a couple of times, he added, "Hang on-I've got something for you." With that, he padded across the narrow landing and into his bedroom, returning less than a minute later. "Here," he muttered, fisting a couple of five-euro notes into my hand.
"Joey, no!" I immediately rebuffed the notion of taking his hard-earned money. He didn't make much at the petrol station to begin with, and money was hard to come by in our family, so taking ten euro from my brother was unimaginable. "I can't-"
"Take the money, Shannon. It's only a tenner," he instructed, giving me a no-nonsense expression. "I know Nanny gave you the bus money, but just have something in your pocket. I don't know how shit works in that place, but I don't want you going in there without a few quid."
I swallowed the lump of emotion fighting its way up my throat and squeezed out, "Are you sure?"
Joey nodded, then pulled me in for a hug. "You are going to be grand," he whispered in my ear, hugging me so tight I wasn't sure who he was trying to convince or console. "If someone gives you even the hint of shit, then you text me and I will come over there and burn that fucking school to the ground and every posh little rugby-head fucker in it."
That was a sobering thought.
"It's going to be fine," I said, this time putting some force into my voice, needing to believe the words. "But I'll be late if I don't get going, and that's so not what I need on my first day."
Giving my brother one last hug, I shrugged on my coat and grabbed my schoolbag, shouldering it onto my back before heading for the staircase.
"You text me," Joey called out when I was halfway down the steps. "I'm serious. One sniff of crap from anyone and I'll come sort it out for you."
"I can do this, Joey," I whispered, casting a quick glance at where he was leaning against the banister, watching me with concerned eyes. "I can."
"I know you can." His voice was low and pained. "I just... I'm here for you, okay?" he finished with a heavy exhale. "Always here for you."
This was hard for my brother, I realized, as I watched him wave me off to school like an anxious parent would their firstborn. He was always fighting my battles, always jumping in to defend me and pull me to safety.
I wanted him to be proud of me, to see me as more than a little girl that needed his constant protection.
I needed that for myself.
With renewed determination, I gave him a bright smile and then hurried out of the house to catch my bus.
2
Everything Has Changed
SHANNON
When I climbed off my bus, I was relieved to discover that the doors of Tommen College were opened to the students at seven in the morning, obviously to accommodate the different schedules of the boarders and day-walkers.
I hurried into the building to get out of the weather.
It was pouring rain outside, and in any other circumstance, I might consider it a bad omen, but this was Ireland where it rained an average of 150 to 225 days out of the year.
It was also early January, typical rain season.
I discovered that I wasn't the only early bird to arrive before school hours, noting several students already wandering through the halls and lounging in the lunch hall and common areas.
Yes, common areas.
Tommen College had what I could only describe as spacious living rooms for each year.
To my immense surprise, I discovered that I wasn't the immediate target for bullies like I had been in every other school I had attended.
Students whizzed past me, uninterested in my presence, clearly caught up in their own lives.
I waited, with my heart in my mouth, for a cruel comment or shove to come.
It didn't. Transferring halfway through the year from the neighboring public school, I had been expecting a tirade of fresh taunts and new enemies. But nothing happened. Aside from a couple of curious glances, nobody approached me. The students at Tommen either didn't know who I was-or didn't care. Either way, I was clearly off the radar in this school and I loved it.
Comforted by the sudden cloak of invisibility surrounding me, and feeling more positive than I had in months, I took the time to look around the third-year common area.
It was a large bright room with floor-to-ceiling windows on one side that looked onto a courtyard of buildings. Plaques and photographs of previous students adorned the lemon-painted walls. Plush couches and comfy chairs filled the large space, along with a few round tables and matching oak chairs. There was a small kitchenette area in the corner with a kettle, toaster, and microwave.
Holy crap. So, this was what the other side lived like. It was like a different world in Tommen College.
I could bring a few slices of bread and have tea and toast at school.
Feeling intimidated, I slipped out and wandered through every hall and corridor, trying to get my bearings.
Studying my timetable, I memorized where every building and wing that I would have a class in was.
