Benicio seemed upset that I hadn't prepared a Thanksgiving gift for him and didn't speak to me for over a week. Perhaps he thought I would, as usual, swallow my pride and apologize first. But this time, I didn’t cave.
I took the initiative and asked the teacher to change my seat, moving away from the desk in front of his. Benicio's special status meant he was exempt from our monthly seat rotations, and as his close friend, I usually got to stay put too. But my sudden move left Benicio visibly annoyed. He pulled me into the stairwell, demanding an explanation.
I wanted to leave, but he pinned me against the wall. During the struggle, Adalynn appeared, coming up the stairs just in time to witness the scene. Even though nothing inappropriate was happening between Benicio and me, the look in Adalynn’s eyes made me feel like I’d been caught in some scandalous act, leaving me inexplicably guilty and embarrassed.
Later that day, Adalynn casually asked, "Do you like Benicio too?" The word "too" revealed so much.
"Lilian, you're my best friend. I hope Benicio doesn’t come between us. You understand that, right?" Despite her familiar tone, she felt like a stranger to me. Or maybe I never really knew her at all.
Just then, as footsteps approached, Adalynn deliberately missed a step and fell down the stairs right before my eyes. Luckily, Benicio appeared just in time to catch her.
She glanced at me and said, "It wasn't Lilian's fault. We had a minor disagreement, and I lost my footing." Her words seemed explanatory but felt more like a cover-up.
From several flights up, I caught Benicio’s gaze—cold and disillusioned. He didn’t believe me. My heart sank.
I turned to leave. Benicio, looking uncharacteristically grim, caught up with me quickly, blocking my path. "What’s wrong with you lately?"
"She said herself she lost her balance. What more do you want from me?" I asked.
"Apologize!" he insisted.
"..."
He gripped my wrist tightly, holding it so hard that it hurt.
"Will you apologize or not?" His eyes were piercing, as if I wouldn’t be allowed to leave if I didn't comply.
After a tense minute of silence, I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Benicio."
He frowned.
I spoke deliberately, "You are an absolute jerk."
His expression shifted to surprise. I shook off his hand and returned to the classroom. It was the boldest thing I had ever said to Benicio. It was also the last thing I said to him during our school years.
Soon after, my mom and I moved away. As I left his house, I hesitated for a long time but couldn’t bring myself to throw away that scarf. So, I sneaked back to school and stuffed it into Benicio’s desk.
I left a note with it:
"I think you're okay, so I'm giving this to you!"
I had no idea who would sit at that desk when the new term began. I didn’t know if what I left behind would be discarded as trash. I left my feelings for Benicio, along with that scarf, in the past.
