4: 4
The day of my surgery was my birthday.
Tyler was up at six, packing my slippers, my thermos, my paperwork.
"When it's over, I'll feed you. Tonight we'll go to that place you've been talking about forever."
He tied my shoelaces and slid my hand into his palm.
"Squeeze if you get nervous. My phone's on silent today. Whoever shows up, I'm not leaving."
I put the silver bracelet back on, the one that gave me a rash.
He saw the red mark and frowned, holding my wrist.
"You're still wearing this? When you're done we'll get it engraved. Mrs. Delgado. And we'll change the material too. This time I'll pick it myself, nobody else touching it."
Then he bent down and kissed that ring of red.
And I believed him again.
He held my hand the whole time I was signing forms.
Six years ago, the day we got our marriage license, he'd held my hand the same way and said that anywhere I ever needed a family member's signature, he'd be standing right beside me.
I'd teased him for jinxing us.
He'd said it dead seriously.
"Good things, bad things, all of it. Point is, you turn your head and I'm there."
When the nurse wheeled the bed over, he leaned down and touched my fingertips.
"Just sleep. Open your eyes and I'll be right here."
The anesthesia hadn't gone in yet when the life-experience exhibit hall called.
The staff said Clarissa had had a panic attack during the sealed-coffin challenge, that even after they opened the lid she refused to leave, and she'd only let her emergency contact come get her.
I grabbed his sleeve.
"There's staff right there. She'll be fine."
"Her claustrophobia can put her into shock."
"Send your assistant."
"She doesn't recognize anyone right now."
Tyler bent down, talking fast.
"The hall's two streets away. I'll get her out, twenty minutes tops. Mine's still the first face you see when you wake up."
"You just said. Whoever came, you weren't leaving."
"Maya, don't pick a fight over this right now. This is routine for you. She could actually be in trouble. The only reason I dare leave is because I know you're safe here."
Again he dressed up his confidence in me and called it love.
I held onto his hand and didn't let go.
"Tyler, if you stay today, I'll treat everything before this as over."
Something in his eyes shifted, clearly.
I watched him look down at our hands, like he was really wavering.
The phone rang again.
The staff said Clarissa was gripping the edge of the coffin, wouldn't let anyone near, and kept screaming his name.
Tyler shut his eyes. When he opened them, he'd already decided.
He pried my fingers loose, one by one.
"We'll talk when I'm back. Don't use something like this to make me choose."
When the last finger came free, there were red lines left in my palm.
He left fast. He didn't even look back.
The nurse adjusted my IV line, saw me staring at the door, and asked quietly, "Do you want to wait a little longer?"
I shook my head.
Right before the surgery started, I thought of the day we registered, when he said he'd be with me anywhere a family member's signature was needed.
So he did remember everything he'd said.
After the surgery, I threw up twice in the recovery room.
The nurse called three times. No one picked up.
The fourth time, he finally sent a voice message.
Tyler had reached the hall, and Clarissa had settled down fast, but she was clutching his sleeve and wouldn't let him leave.
She was laughing in the recording.
"Come on, Tyler, lie down over here. A joint-burial experience isn't complete unless there are two people."
Tyler was coaxing her, low.
"Stop it. I really have to get back to the hospital."
"Just five minutes. You promised you'd see me off. You can't just stand outside the coffin, can you?"
Then Clarissa posted a video.
Two experience coffins side by side. She turned her head to look at Tyler.
"Tyler. Scared?"
He brushed the hair off her forehead.
"Scared of what? The old lady goes first, and I'll be right behind you."
People around them said the two looked more like a real married couple than a real one.
I watched it twice, and suddenly it stopped hurting.
The nurse helped me change, pointed at my wrist, and asked, "Worn raw like that and you're still wearing it?"
There was a full ring of red under the silver chain.
It took me two tries to get it off. I slid it off along with my wedding ring, leaving a pale band at the base of my finger.
I touched that mark, put the ring in the storage bag, and in the emergency contact line I wrote the name of a friend here in the city.
The paperwork was done before Tyler came running in with a cake, half the frosting caved in.
He caught me by the arm.
"Why are you out of bed? Didn't I tell you to wait for me?"
"I did wait."
He saw the bare ring finger, and his face went dark.
"Where's the ring?"
"Put away."
"Maya, I only lay down next to her for five minutes. Don't scare me with divorce. It's still your birthday today."
I handed him the medical file bag, the signed divorce papers pressed inside.
"Tyler, I don't even want you anymore. What would I use to scare you?"
When the elevator doors closed, he was still holding that collapsed cake, like he was holding up a someday he'd run out of time to keep.
