“I said enough.”
He shoved to his feet. The chair caught behind him and cracked against the floor.
I shut up.
He stood beside the bed, chest heaving, fists clenched so tight the veins stood out along his knuckles. He rarely lost his temper. In all the time I'd known him, this was the first time he'd come undone in front of me.
But it passed quickly. He forced it back down.
He bent and righted the chair, sat again. When he spoke, his voice had returned to that familiar flatness.
“Just rest. Don't think about it.”
Don't think about it.
I nearly died on the operating table. My uterus was gone. My baby was gone. My husband chose to save the one he never got over at the scene of the crash, and now he was telling me not to think about it.
I said nothing.
He sat for a while, then stood and said the company needed him. He left.
At the door, I called out.
“Cliff.”
He stopped. Didn't turn around.
“The ultrasound report,” I said. “It's in the glove compartment on the passenger side.”
His back went rigid.
“I was going to show it to you that night.”
He stood where he was. Completely still.
“Six weeks,” I said. “The doctor said there was already a heartbeat.”
He turned around slowly.
His eyes were red.
“It's gone,” I said. “They removed it all during the surgery.”
His lips moved, like he wanted to say something. Nothing came out.
“Go.” I closed my eyes.
He stood there for a long time. So long I thought he might not leave.
But in the end, he did.
The door closed softly. Like him. Even the way he left refused to leave a mark.
I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling.
The heart monitor beeped on. Sunlight came through the window and fell across my bed.
I remembered the day he moved in, right after the wedding. One suitcase and a cardboard box—that was everything he brought. The box was full of books, and he placed them on the shelf one by one, handling each like it mattered.
I stood beside him, helping. When I picked up one of the books, a photograph slipped out.
Cliff and Phyllis. A photo of the two of them together.
Both in graduation gowns, standing at the campus gate. She had her arm linked through his, smiling wide and sweet. He faced the camera with the faintest lift at the corner of his mouth.
The closest thing to a smile I had ever seen on Cliff's face.
He took the photo from my hand, slipped it back between the pages, and said, “Old classmate.”
I didn't press him.
I told myself the past was the past. You move forward.
Now I know. Some people never become the past.
Because they never really left.
On the fifth day, my mother arrived.
She'd taken an overnight train from back home. Her eyes were swollen when she got there. She stood in the doorway, saw me lying in the hospital bed, and her lips trembled a few times. She didn't cry.
“Mom,” I said. “I'm okay.”
She came over and touched my forehead, then my hand. Her fingers were rough, the knuckles thickened and bent from years of work, but warm.
“How did it get this bad,” her voice cracked, “how did it get this bad……”
“Car accident. Just bad luck.”
“Where's Cliff? Why isn't he here?”
“He's busy.”
My mother looked at me. Said nothing.
She reached into her bag and took out a thermos, unscrewed the lid—lotus root and pork rib soup, my favorite. She unpacked everything layer by layer: small bowl, spoon, napkins, each piece set down neatly on the side table.
“Have some soup. Build your strength.”
I propped myself up. My ribs still ached, but less than the days before. I took the bowl and drank.
