"If you don't feel secure, we can do it right now. We can keep going until you feel secure. Will that do?"
Then he bent his head and bit down on my lip.
One year of dating, four years of marriage, and he had never once kissed me first.
Even in our most intimate moments, I was always the one who reached for him.
There was a time I dreamed of him taking the lead, just once.
Now it only made me sick.
I bit him back, hard.
He flinched at the pain and shoved me away.
I lifted my head, my eyes red, glaring at him. "If you want it so badly, go find someone else! That little assistant of yours can't wait to do it with you."
Roy froze. "What did you say?"
My voice tore out of me, eyes burning. "I said, if you want it, go find another woman to do it with! Stop making me sick."
"Roy Weiss, the man you are right now, you truly, truly disgust me!"
He stared at me as if he meant to pin me through.
Three seconds later, he laughed.
"Fine! Since you're so generous, I'll give you exactly what you want."
"Don't regret it. And don't come crying to me, begging."
The door slammed.
Silence.
I looked at the closed door, the tears falling without a sound, until I was sobbing out loud.
As if I could cry out all the years of swallowed hurt at once.
Roy Weiss, this time I won't regret it.
And I won't beg you, won't humble myself ever again.
I wiped my eyes and made a call.
"Brother, the money we put into Roy's company. Pull it."
Roy didn't come home all night.
It was the weekend; he had no work.
And I had no idea where to find him to sign the divorce papers.
Then a video popped up on my phone.
Right after it, my best friend's voice exploded through the speaker.
"Tammy! Isn't that your untouchable, sky-high husband?"
"I was out shopping at the Lumière One and there he was with some woman! He actually crouched down to tie her shoelaces for her!"
"You just had a miscarriage and he's already out hunting for fresh meat? Does that bastard have any shame left? God, I'm going to kill the both of them!"
I opened the video.
There he was. The man who always stood so far above me, crouching down with a helpless little smile because the girl beside him had coaxed him with a few sweet words, tying her shoe.
She laughed and filmed him on her phone, and he wore that same helpless smile.
My chest still ached, no matter how I tried to stop it.
It wasn't that I'd never wanted that from him.
Back then he was always the same, untouchable and above it all.
He never refused me and never did it either.
He just left me standing there, awkward, scrambling to save face on my own.
I curled my lip and texted my friend back.
"We're getting divorced."
The message had barely gone through when a call came in from an unknown number.
"Is this Ms. Winfield? Your husband got into a fight with a friend. Please come down to the police station as soon as you can."
My friend had a temper, but I never expected her to move this fast.
I flagged down a cab and hurried over.
I'd just reached the door when I heard the shouting still going on inside.
"Roy Weiss! How can you face Tamara? She just lost the baby and you couldn't even wait before sneaking around! And you had the nerve to walk around in public with your mistress, tying her shoes for her! Why don't you just drop dead?"
"Our Tammy was so good to you, loved you so—"
"That was her doing, wasn't it?" Roy cut her off, his face cold.
I went rigid where I stood.
His voice kept going. "Did I ask her to be good to me? Did I ask her to love me? Wasn't it her own doing from the start, throwing herself at me, climbing into my bed? One crook of my finger and she married me. So what does any of her kindness have to do with me? I don't love her. Why should I owe her anything back? And just because she got pregnant, I'm supposed to stay chained to her forever?"
