While I was picking out a birthday gift for my best friend, Juliana Graves, I settled on a Bluetooth speaker.
My boyfriend, Elwin Harding, gave a soft little laugh, a trace of mockery in his voice.
"You're supposed to be her best friend. How do you not even know what she wants?"
He pulled a notebook out of his bag. The cover read 100 Things About Her. He flipped to a page.
"What Juliana wants most for her birthday is a bottle of jasmine perfume. Not a speaker like that."
My fingers stiffened as I took it, and I turned the pages one by one.
Elwin had written that Juliana's favorite color was black, that her favorite drink was a jasmine milk tea latte, no ice, light on the sweetness, that she hated anyone touching her hair, that nothing scared her more than walking alone at night in the rain.
The dense rows of writing made my eyes sting.
I shut the notebook hard, swallowed down the catch in my throat, and looked at him.
"Elwin, then do you know what I love to eat? What I can't stand?"
He froze, fumbled and stammered for a long moment, and couldn't answer a single question.
I pulled my mouth into a bitter smile while the ache in my chest surged higher.
He could fill an entire notebook with every last one of Juliana's likes and dislikes, but when it came to me, the girlfriend he'd been with for four years, he knew nothing at all.
Once, the three of us had promised that after graduation we'd go build our lives in Crestwood together.
But in that moment, I gave the idea up completely.
I took out my phone, opened the offer from the New York company, and replied.
"I'll start on time next week."
...
Less than a minute after I sent it, they called me directly.
"You turned us down before, even at triple the salary, said you wanted to go to Crestwood with your boyfriend and your best friend. What changed your mind all of a sudden?"
I thought back over everything that had happened lately, and stayed quiet for a while.
The truth was, Juliana and Elwin had never actually crossed the line. But it was exactly that blurred, improper closeness that left me nowhere to put my anger.
I couldn't point to anything wrong, yet everything felt wrong, and after long enough I started doubting whether I was just being too sensitive.
I used to think that as long as the three of us were fine, that was enough.
But today, looking at that notebook in Elwin's hands, I suddenly felt so tired.
The thought made me laugh softly.
"I've thought it over carefully. Compared to Crestwood, New York is the better place for my career."
The project director on the other end gave a low "Mm."
"All right. We'll see you Monday."
I hung up and headed down the hallway. Elwin's eyes landed on me for a moment, and he asked offhandedly,
"The New York people again? Just turn them down. Juliana booked the three tickets to Crestwood ages ago. We leave in a week."
I looked at him quietly and asked, voice low,
"And what if I've already said yes?"
He paused, lifted his eyes to me, and a careless smile curved his lips.
"How could you? Everybody knows you go wherever Juliana and I go. You'd never leave us behind and go to New York alone."
I tugged at the corner of my mouth and gave a silent laugh. Right. All these years I'd trailed along behind them, living like a shadow.
So this time, I didn't want to keep circling around them anymore.
I was just about to speak when Juliana leaned half out and stretched her hand toward me with a bright smile.
"Elwin, where's my birthday present?"
At that, Elwin immediately handed her the perfume he'd just bought.
Juliana tore it open, and her eyes lit up at once.
"I've wanted this one for ages. Last time I just mentioned it in passing. I can't believe you actually remembered."
