She said the other men were just playing around. She liked to watch me get jealous and personally deal with those little seducers myself.
Timothy was the real exception to her and it happened more than once. Out of the eight young men back then, only he was treated with genuine kindness.
I said nothing to Stephanie and left for the guest room.
***
That night I woke from a bad dream and felt suddenly thirsty. I went to the kitchen to get water and happened to see Stephanie on the balcony, talking on the phone.
Her voice had a sharp laugh in it. “Had no choice. The boy was kicked down the stairs and cried badly. I was tired and simply need to vent. After thinking it over, prison was perfect for John—he needed to soften his strong temper after all.”
“And if I didn’t send him away for three years, there's no way I can fully enjoy Tim? Now I’ve had enough fun. Johnny’s out and when Tim has the baby, I’ll send him away and I'll live happily with Johnny.”
“But John really changed a lot. It was worth bribing those old men from the prison to fix his temper…”
Her hand held the phone so tight it made a little clicking sound.
Before Stephanie turned away, I was already back in the guest room, standing blankly by the door.
After a long time, I lit a cigarette. In the mirror I saw my red eyes through the smoke. It looked just like my first year in the prison.
My hair was torn, my skin cut by belts, hot cigarette butts pressed out on my skin—the cold iron rod, the smell of blood that seemed never to fade.
So those old men who targeted and tortured me back in prison—Stephanie had made deals with all of them. Every moment I felt worse than dead, meanwhile she was busy falling for another man.
Suddenly, a call came from one of my subordinates. “Johnny, preparations are almost done. Shall we go now…?”
“Let them enjoy things for a few more days. When they have nothing left to hold on, they will fall harder and hurt more.”
Stephanie had never once visited me in the past three years. So she wasn't aware that since my second year in prison, the people she bribed— both inside and outside the prison—died for strange reasons.
Stephanie thought she had trained a good, obedient man. But what actually came out of prison was a demon.
One night someone climbed into my bed—and the smell of their perfume was familiar.
“John, you’ve lost so much weight. These three years were hard on you. I really missed you…”
I pressed down the hand Stephanie tried to use to touch me and said calmly, “If you missed me, why did you send me away? And why never come to see me?”
Stephanie lowered her eyes and sighed. “We grew up together in the orphanage and fought to get where we are. Why would I give you up? But your stubbornness is too much. It got to the point where you did hurt someone. Maybe some time in the prison can calm you down for good.”
“I was afraid I would soften if I did visit you, you know. Tim’s got crippled because of you; he needs care. And I must brace my heart to atone for you… It’s all past. From now on I will treat you well.”
Three years of living without daylight and intentional tortures, she spoke of my pain so lightly.
As Stephanie kissed my face, one of the house housekeepers knocked at the door. “Director Bloom, Mr. White says his stomach hurts. Please come see him…”
“I’ll be right there, John. I’ll come back and stay with you later,” she said.
The warmth from a moment before vanished. She rushed away and did not return.
I went to the bathroom and washed the places she had touched more than ten times, until my skin stung. Only then did my disgust lessen a little.
The next day, Stephanie told me to dress up nicely.
