4: 4
4
As I turned to leave, my bad leg buckled without warning, and my shoulder knocked into the vase out in the hallway.
The crash of it shattering carried into the room.
The door swung open. Rita stood at the front.
The moment she saw me, the smile froze on her face.
"Max?"
My parents and Barret came out too.
Mom's first instinct wasn't to ask how long I'd been standing there. It was to step in front of Barret and the child.
"You said you weren't coming."
"So what are you doing, hiding out here eavesdropping?"
I didn't answer.
I only looked at Elmer, hiding behind Barret.
The boy stared at me, timid, then suddenly asked,
"Daddy, is he the bad uncle who won't let us come home?"
Barret scrambled to cover his mouth.
"Elmer, don't say things like that."
But everyone's face had already changed.
A four-year-old doesn't say something like that out of nowhere.
For four years, while they gathered around this child and enjoyed their family life, they'd been telling him, over and over.
That I was the reason his daddy couldn't come home.
That I had taken his mommy for myself.
That I refused to leave their little family of three alone.
The color drained from Barret's face.
"Max, don't blame Elmer."
"He only got the wrong idea about you because he saw me sneaking around every time I came back."
Rita stepped in front of him at once.
"If you've got a problem, take it up with me."
"Don't scare the child."
She turned side-on, keeping Barret and Elmer firmly behind her.
Just like five years ago, after the crash, when she'd stood by my stretcher while I lay covered in blood.
Back then she said she'd get justice for me, no matter what it cost.
Now she finally had.
And then she went and stood beside the man who'd hurt me.
I asked her, "Did Barret really do five years?"
Rita said nothing.
But Dad cut in, impatient.
"He didn't serve the full five inside, but hiding out abroad, unable to come home, how is that any different from prison?"
"Are you only satisfied if he suffers behind bars for real?"
I looked at my father.
"But abroad he had all of you. He had Rita. He had the child."
"When I was having my surgeries, who was there with me?"
The hallway went quiet.
Mom's eyes reddened again soon enough.
"How is it you only ever remember your own suffering?"
"All these years Barret couldn't come home, and he had to raise the child abroad. That hasn't been easy either."
"We only went over now and then to help him out."
Now and then.
They were in every single photo of that child, from birth to four years old.
But my three surgeries, my endless rounds of rehab.
Not once did they show up.
I lowered my head and asked, almost like I was punishing myself, "Why did you give him my son's name?"
Rita frowned.
"It's just a name."
"That child is gone. Are you saying the name can never be used again?"
My body swayed.
So in her heart.
Our son was already dead, which meant his name, his longevity locket, and his mother could all be handed down to another child.
Only I was still foolishly holding on to the past.
Elmer started crying, frightened by our argument.
Rita scooped him up at once.
My parents flanked them on either side, shielding them.
And I stood alone, facing all of them, dragging the leg Barret had crippled.
Not one of them came toward me.
Mom looked at me, disappointed.
"Your brother just got back, and it's Elmer's birthday today."
"Do you really have to pick now to make everyone miserable?"
Dad's voice was cold as he scolded me too.
"We didn't raise you all these years for you to turn this cold-blooded."
Even Rita spoke up.
"Max, I haven't divorced you. That's already me trying my best to make it up to you."
"You can't stop everyone else from being happy just because you lost your child."
All at once I felt exhausted.
I didn't even have the strength left to argue.
"And if I can't accept it?"
Mom's face hardened completely.
"If you can't accept it, then leave."
"But think it through."
"Walk out that door today, and don't ever come back, and don't ever call us your parents again!"
Rita spoke up too, her voice cold.
"If you leave now, I won't come looking for you again."
"Whenever you truly come to your senses, that's when you come back and apologize."
They all looked at me.
Certain I had nowhere to go.
Certain that this crippled leg of mine would never carry me out of the life they'd penned in for me.
I nodded.
"Fine."
No one tried to stop me.
Mom turned away to comfort Barret.
Dad crouched down to pick up Elmer's birthday hat off the floor.
Rita carried the child back into the room without so much as another glance at me.
The door closed slowly in front of me.
Inside, the birthday song started up again.
I dragged my bad leg into the elevator.
Back home, I signed the divorce papers and set my wedding ring down on top of them.
Into the suitcase went only a few clothes, my passport, and my painkillers.
Eleven forty at night.
I boarded the flight out of the city.
As the plane taxied toward the runway, Rita's message finally came through.
【Come back once you've thrown enough of a tantrum.】
【Mom and Dad were just angry. Don't actually think they'd disown you.】
I didn't reply.
I only switched off the phone and pulled out the SIM card.
They all thought I was only sulking.
None of them ever imagined.
That line, never come back again.
Really did come true.
