But when the moment came, all I felt was relief.
I checked into a hotel my family owned and called a lawyer about splitting the assets.
Winston's messages came in an endless barrage.
“Why did you sell the house?”
“You're still pregnant. Where do you think you're going to go?”
“Stop throwing a tantrum. You have no family, no friends. You can't be comfortable out there on your own.”
“Come to the villa in the south side. The maternity nurse is already here. You and April can rest together.”
I didn't reply to a single one.
Once everything was in order, I went to Mercy Haven Temple.
It's a sad thing to say.
My first child was lost in an accident.
My second, I couldn't bear to bring into a broken home.
Maybe I was simply never meant to be a mother in this life.
But they were here, even if only for a little while. They deserved to be sent off right.
I wanted to add incense money for my first child, and light a memorial lantern for the second.
But when I reached the prayer hall, Leo's perpetual memorial lamp was gone.
The monk told me Winston had it removed.
It felt like something ripped open in my chest, and cold poured straight through me until I couldn't stop shaking.
That lamp was supposed to burn for ten years.
When I first lost Leo, I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. I even cut my wrists.
Until the perpetual memorial lamp was lit.
He told me that if it burned for ten full years, Leo would be blessed with peace and pass on into paradise.
He also said that only when the mother is safe can the child rest easy.
For the sake of those ten years, I put the blade down and tried to keep living.
But with two years still left, he snuffed the flame out himself.
I walked out of the prayer hall like a ghost.
And the first thing I saw was Winston, his arm around April, her belly just beginning to show.
“Honey, thank you for bringing me and the baby here to pray.”
He glanced down at her. “What's there to thank? You and Leo staying safe—that's what matters.”
Leo. He still dared to use that name.
I rushed at him and slapped him across the face as hard as I could.
Shock first, then instinct. He immediately pulled April behind him.
“Lottie, have you lost your mind?”
I clenched my teeth, fighting to keep my body from shaking apart.
“Why did you take down Leo's perpetual memorial lamp?”
April ducked out from behind him, reached up and touched the red mark blooming on his cheek, her face full of tender concern.
Then she turned and glared at me. “I asked him to. A dead baby sharing a name with my child? Disgusting. Bad luck.”
Rage shot straight to the top of my skull. I raised my hand to strike her, but he caught my wrist and shoved me back hard.
I hit the ground.
Something flickered in his eyes. He almost reached for me, then pulled his hand back.
“Look at yourself. Throwing a fit in front of everyone—do you have no shame?”
“Clinging to the past like this—what's the point? You've got a new child coming too. Move on.”
His gaze was flat and cold. He put his arm around April and turned away. “Go home and think about what you've done. Come find me when you've calmed down.”
“Either way, I'll make sure you and the child are taken care of.”
The last thread of old feeling ground to dust. I stared at their retreating backs, my fingernails digging into the stone until they nearly cracked.
Winston Farley, you will regret this.
I got to my feet, numb, and went back to the hotel alone.
A private jet was waiting on the rooftop.
“Miss Pruitt, I'm here to take you home.”
The jet climbed above the clouds, and the city shrank beneath me until it was nothing.
Whatever Winston and I had been, I buried it there.
……
Winston woke in the middle of the night.
April was sleeping soundly beside him, but all he could see was the look in Lottie's eyes at the end.
Calm. Empty. It hit him like a fist under the ribs, a panic he couldn't explain.
Sleep wouldn't come back. He got up early and drove to the office.
The access gate stopped him.
“Authorization error. Access denied.”
