3: 3
3
I was an only child. My parents had cradled me in their palms my whole life.
I didn't know why Barret was lying to me, why he'd say we had no son.
But I believed my own parents.
When I got to their place, the two of them were sitting at the dinner table, eating.
Mom looked surprised to see me come through the door.
"Jocelyn? Barret? What brings you two here all of a sudden?"
"Have you eaten? If not, sit down and have something."
I didn't answer. I went straight into the spare bedroom and started searching.
Barret was always busy with work, so I raised our child mostly on my own.
When I got bored, I'd bring him back to my parents' house, and there were plenty of Jerome's clothes and toys there.
I rushed into the spare room and yanked open the closet door.
The moment it opened, I froze where I stood.
The closet was empty. Not a trace of a child's clothes anywhere.
I still refused to believe it and started tearing through the rest of the house.
His scooter, his toy cars, his crayons.
All the things that used to be scattered everywhere were gone now, not a single trace of them left.
My parents were frightened by the way I was acting, and for a moment neither dared to stop me.
Mom's face was full of worry.
"Barret, what on earth is going on? What is Jocelyn looking for?"
Before Barret could answer, I'd already grabbed hold of Mom's hand.
"Mom, where are Jerome's clothes and toys? Where did you put them?"
Mom looked confused.
"Jerome? Who's Jerome? Is there anyone in this family called Jerome?"
The instant she said it, it hit me like a bolt out of the sky. I stood there, my lips working for a long moment, and I couldn't get a single word out.
Why?
Why were even my parents lying to me?
That was my own son. Why was everyone lying to me?
Seeing that Mom was still completely lost, Barret quickly explained the whole thing.
Once she understood, Mom came over to me, her tone half-scolding.
"You silly girl, almost thirty and still pulling something this childish. Playing jokes on your own mother now."
"Weren't you the one who didn't want children? So what's all this fuss about now?"
I couldn't take another word of it. I lost control and screamed at her.
"What is wrong with all of you? Why is everyone lying to me?"
"Jerome! That's Jerome! He's my child! Where on earth have you hidden my child?"
Seeing that I wasn't joking, Mom went into a panic.
"Jocelyn, what are you talking about? You don't like children. You're child-free by choice, just like Barret."
"Right after you two got married, your dad and I wanted you to have a baby, and you fought with us plenty over it. You said you loved your freedom, that you weren't ready to be a mother."
"All these years your dad and I made our peace with it. Your own happiness matters most. If you don't want children, then you don't. But what is this now?"
The more she spoke, the more frantic she got, her eyes brimming with worry for me.
When I said nothing, the tears came, rolling down her face in big drops.
"What's wrong, Jocelyn? Talk to Mom. Did something happen to you recently?"
"Don't scare your mother like this. Say something."
I forced my mouth open, wanting to say something, and found I couldn't make a single sound.
A moment later, I finally couldn't hold myself up any longer.
Everything went black, and I lost consciousness completely.
