I opened my eyes slowly because my body felt so sore and found myself in a white room with the sound of an electrocardiogram machine filling the room where I was lying. I didn’t see anyone around me when I realized I was in the hospital. Somehow, I got there.
My stomach still hurts, even though it’s not as painful as before.
“Ah, you’re finally conscious, Ma’am.” A nurse entered.
I replied with a weak nod, hoping to get good information from the nurse about my condition. I don’t know how long I was unconscious, but I remember everything that happened to Clara and me. I remember very well that Clara’s condition was not my fault. I didn’t push her at all.
“How long have I been unconscious?” I asked.
“One week, Ma’am,” the nurse replied while examining my condition.
Ah, I didn’t think it had been that long. But why didn’t Felix show up in front of me? He should at least be worried about our baby if he weren’t worried about me.
“My baby! How is my baby? He’s fine, right?” I just remembered that. I tried to sit impatiently, waiting to hear from the nurse, but my stomach felt even worse than I thought, causing me to collapse back on the pillow.
The nurse tried to calm me down, but I was not calm, of course. Maybe this is the right time to tell Felix I am pregnant with his child.
“Is there a family that can be contacted to discuss your condition and that of your fetus, ma’am?” asked the nurse.
“Family? So, there’s been no one to accompany me all this time?”
The nurse shook her head. “We tried to talk to your husband, but he didn’t want to.”
Instantly, my chest tightened at the sound of it. Felix wasn’t the slightest bit worried about me. He didn’t show the slightest concern and acted as if we were strangers. I felt that Felix was starting to consider me not as his wife.
I have been thrown away now.
“Then just tell me. What happened to me and my fetus?” I asked forcefully.
“You had a miscarriage, Ma’am. And we had to remove your womb immediately because if left in, it would be dangerous for you.”
My gaze was blank, and my ears suddenly deaf, unable to hear anything around me: silence but no calm in my mind. Yes, my world had collapsed. The womb that had been my reason for survival between Felix and Clara was gone. Then what was the point of living now? Everything was gone.
My heart was cracked, shattered, then turned to ashes. Everything was useless.
“Ma’am, are you okay?” Slowly, the nurse’s voice was heard again.
I just nodded uncertainly in response to the nurse’s question.
“It’s gotten so bad because you were late coming to the hospital. Otherwise, even if you had a miscarriage, it’s possible that you wouldn’t have had to experience fetal damage, Ma’am.”
“So?” I am weak, but I still asked it.
“You won’t be able to get pregnant again after removing the womb.”
I burst into tears. My pride in being a woman was being able to give birth to a child. Now it’s gone. I am a useless woman. Even if I reincarnate into life after this, I will feel worthless.
“What about my husband?”
“He came with his other wife and asked for an ambulance to pick you up at home.”
His other wife. It must be Clara. Felix was only worried about Clara, the cause of the destruction of my life.
Not only Clara but Felix is also guilty of what happened to me!
I didn’t ask Felix to prioritize me over Clara because I also knew how Clara was feeling at the time. But at least he took us to the hospital at the same time. He didn’t just come to take Clara without thinking about me.
The information the nurse said cut me to the core.
“Please contact your family to ask for their consent for the surgical removal of your womb.” The nurse ended the conversation.
I was still silent, full of anger, disappointment, sadness, and regret all at once. The pain in my stomach was unmatched by the collapse of my world in just a moment. Who should I share my sorrow with if even my husband is indifferent?
Besides, I have no family. Since I was a child, I lived in an orphanage because my parents had an accident and died. Felix was the only one after that. If I told my in-laws, I would be blamed, too. They would think I was making up stories.
All that was left was myself.
“Alice!” Felix shouted, suddenly coming and yelling at me.
I turned around with a feeling of resignation. “What is it this time?” I asked weakly.
“You killed my baby and Clara!” Felix snapped.
Ah, I see. Clara might have a miscarriage, too. But really, I didn’t push her in the slightest. Even on those stairs, I didn’t touch her. She was the one who tried to push me off. Yeah, I thought this would happen. Their love was so strong, and I was the culprit for them.
“But Clara is still alive, Felix. You can have another baby with her,” I remarked indifferently.
Yes, bland. There wasn’t the slightest desire to defend myself against such accusations. I was already immersed in a reality that hurt me so much. My body could move, but my heart was paralyzed.
“ALICE!” Felix shouted.
“DON’T YELL AT ME!” I replied, raising my tone even though my voice was trembling violently.
I pointed at his face while glaring at him. “You and your whore are the killers!” I snapped.
“What do you mean? You’re still alive.”
“It doesn’t matter if you believe it or not, but Clara tried to hurt me, and she fell herself.” I started to slow down my voice a little.
“It was your fault, Alice. You—”
“It was your fault! You only defended the whore who didn’t carry your child!”
Felix was instantly silent. He stared at me in disbelief. His gaze showed that he was not ready to accept the fact that the child Clara had conceived was not his. His desire to be with Clara again was extreme, as could be seen in his eyes.
It could be seen in his eyes; Felix never wanted me.
“It should have been you who died, Alice.” Felix cursed me and then left.
