On the ninety-ninth call, someone finally picked up.
It was Ursula.
"Oh, Lily! Looking for Nolan? He's asleep on my shoulder right now. He's so exhausted, I really don't want to wake him."
My heart clenched. I glanced instinctively at my mother.
The phone was on speaker. She could hear everything.
But she didn't seem to be listening. She just kept smiling, stirring something on the stove.
I scrambled to turn off the speaker and told Ursula, "Then please pass along a message for me. When he wakes up, ask him to come home. My mother was discharged from the hospital today, and it's also my birthday. I'm hoping we can all have dinner together."
"Of course, Lily. I will absolutely make sure he gets the message."
She put special emphasis on absolutely, her voice practically sparkling with delight.
I didn't bother asking why she and Nolan had been sleeping together. All I wanted was for him to come home, to sit with my mother, to make her smile.
But after the food was ready, Nolan still hadn't come.
My mother and I sat at the table and waited. One hour passed. Then another.
When the dishes went cold, she carried them back to the kitchen to reheat.
We waited deep into the night. No silhouette appeared in the doorway. His phone went straight to voicemail. Every message went unanswered.
"Mom, let's just eat."
"We don't need to wait anymore."
This time, she didn't refuse.
"All right. Let's eat."
She kept that gentle smile on her face, piling food onto my plate the way she always did. But something twisted in my chest, a feeling I couldn't name. My left eyelid wouldn't stop twitching.
Later that night, my mother pushed open my bedroom door. She was coughing as she tucked the blanket around me. "This child. Kicking off her covers in her sleep. How am I supposed to stop worrying about you?"
I wasn't asleep. I hadn't slept at all.
She stood there watching me for a full hour before she finally went back to her room.
The next morning, my mother—who always rose before dawn to cook breakfast—didn't get up.
My heart slammed against my ribs. It felt like something vital had already been ripped away.
I walked into her room. She was still lying in bed.
Something was wrong. I reached for her hand.
Her fingers were ice. The cold stabbed through my palm like a blade, and my legs buckled beneath me.
"Mom. Wake up."
Her eyes were shut. They weren't going to open again. Panic tore through me and I pulled her upright, ready to rush her to the hospital, when I saw the letter she'd left on the nightstand.
Lily, by the time you read this, I'll already be gone.
I know everything about you and Nolan. All of it.
My darling girl, if this life has become too heavy to bear, then let him go. Go find your father.
I hope you can forgive me. I've already told your father to come take you home.
Tears blurred the words until I couldn't read them anymore. The paper darkened where they fell.
Then I heard noise at the front door.
"Lily! It's past ten and you haven't even made breakfast?"
"Nolan, are you hungry? I can go in and make something for you."
"See, you actually care about me. Unlike a certain heartless somebody."
I set the letter down. I wiped the tears from my face. Then I walked out of the room, every trace of warmth gone.
The first thing I saw was Nolan and Ursula, lips inches apart, about to kiss.
"If you two want to shove your tongues down each other's throats, take it outside. Don't defile my home."
I didn't want my mother's spirit to witness this. I refused to let it taint whatever came next for her.
"What the hell is wrong with you this early in the morning?"
Nolan spun around, seething, and grabbed the nearest thing he could find to hurl at me.
I sidestepped it.
"Ursula had something in her eye. I was blowing it out for her." He didn't even blink. "Meanwhile, you're completely useless. All you know how to do is throw jealous fits. Ursula and I both have low blood sugar. If we don't eat soon, we'll pass out, and then—"
