One week after the hospital, Dorian called me.
Not to apologize. Not to explain. Just a text with an address I already knew by heart.
*Penthouse. 7 PM. We need to talk.*
I stared at the screen. The Manhattan penthouse. Our apartment. The place where I'd made Sunday breakfasts for ten years. Where I'd sewn my wedding dress at the kitchen table. Where I'd woken up three years ago with an empty belly and been told I'd miscarried naturally.
I took the subway. Rode it in silence with my hands in my lap. Got off at his stop. Walked the four blocks. Used the key I still had.
The elevator opened directly into the apartment. Dorian was standing by the window. Suit jacket off. Sleeves rolled up. He looked like he was closing a business deal.
"Thanks for coming," he said.
I didn't sit down. Just stood there.
He turned to face me. "Reese is stable. The baby's fine. Doctor said it was touch and go, but your blood made the difference."
I said nothing.
"Look." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I know things have been rough. But we need to think practically now. Reese is going to need help when the baby comes. She doesn't have family nearby. And you—" He paused. Looked at me like he was offering a promotion. "You're good at this kind of thing. Caring for people. The baby's going to need a mother figure."
I stared at him.
"I'm not asking you to move back in," he continued. "Just be present. Help out. It would mean a lot to both of us."
Both of us.
I thought about the grave. The small headstone with no name. Just dates. The white flowers I brought every month. The baby I'd wanted so badly I'd started buying clothes before the second trimester ended.
The baby I'd lost in a hospital bed after Dorian made me tea that tasted wrong.
The baby whose clothes were still in a box at the back of our closet because I couldn't bear to throw them away.
"Ella?" Dorian was watching me. Waiting.
I looked at him. At the man who'd asked me to raise another woman's child. The man who'd destroyed mine.
"I need to use the bathroom," I said.
He nodded. Turned back to the window.
I walked down the hall. Past the bathroom. Into the bedroom. Opened the closet. Reached to the back. Found the box.
It was small. White cardboard. I'd written the due date on the lid in pencil. Never in pen. Like I knew.
I carried it to the kitchen. Set it on the counter. Dorian was still at the window. Talking on his phone now. His back to me.
I opened the box.
Tiny clothes. Folded carefully. A yellow onesie with ducks on it. A white cotton hat. Socks so small they fit in my palm. I'd washed them all before I packed them. Used the gentle detergent. Folded each piece with my hands shaking.
I lifted them out one by one.
I moved through the apartment with the same methodical calm I'd used to sew my wedding dress. I gathered the framed photos from the mantle. The dried corsage from our first anniversary in the glass case. The ticket stubs from the trip to Aspen. The handwritten note he'd left on my pillow the morning after he proposed.
I carried everything to the kitchen sink.
I turned on the gas stove. Lit the burner. Held the first photo over the flame.
It caught fast. The edges curled. Our faces blackened. I dropped it in the sink. Lit the next one. Then the next.
The corsage burned bright. The ticket stubs curled into ash. The note from the proposal turned to smoke.
I picked up the yellow onesie. Held it for three seconds. Then I set it on fire.
The fabric caught. Melted. Turned black. I watched it burn. Watched the ducks disappear. Watched three years of grief turn to ash.
I burned the hat. The socks. Every piece.
When the last thread turned to carbon, I turned on the faucet. Washed the ashes down the drain. Scrubbed the sink until it was clean.
I dried my hands. Picked up my coat. Walked to the door.
Dorian was still on the phone. He glanced at me. Raised a hand. Wait.
I didn't wait.
I walked out. Let the door close behind me. Took the elevator down. Stepped onto the street.
The air was cold. I pulled my coat tight. Started walking.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. I didn't check it.
I walked twelve blocks before I stopped. Stood on the corner. Looked at the buildings. The lights. The people passing by.
I ran my thumb along the inside of my wrist. Once. Twice.
Then I kept walking.
I didn't go home. I walked until my feet hurt. Until the sky turned dark. Until I couldn't feel my hands.
When I finally stopped, I was standing outside a small church. The kind with stone steps and a wooden door. I'd never been inside.
I sat on the steps. Pulled out my notebook. Opened it to a blank page.
I wrote:
*May 21. 8:43 PM. Penthouse kitchen. Destroyed evidence of ten-year relationship. Destroyed baby clothes. No witnesses. Dorian Grant unaware.*
I closed the notebook. Put it back in my pocket.
My phone buzzed again. I pulled it out.
Seven missed calls. All from Dorian.
I turned the phone off. Put it away.
I sat on the church steps until the cold made my legs numb. Then I stood. Walked to the subway. Rode it home.
My parents were asleep when I got back. I went upstairs. Lay down on my childhood bed. Stared at the ceiling.
I didn't sleep.
I just lay there. Counting the hours. Waiting for morning.
Waiting for whatever came next.
