The hot water washed over my body, but it couldn't dispel the smell of disinfectant in the hospital.
That last look in my daughter's eyes kept dangling in front of my eyes. Her little hands couldn't stop reaching toward me as if she was trying to grab something.
The scene lingered in my mind. By the time I came out of the bathroom, my tears had dried up.
“Why didn't you say anything to me that you took that little girl to the hospital?”
Geoffrey's voice came from behind me. I turned around and looked at him.
I could vaguely see that his shirt was now open. There were lipstick marks on his neck. His face was also full of impatience at the moment.
“Catalina's high-end dress was ruined because of your daughter. Do you know how much it cost? It's all because you spoiled that child too much, Xaviera. She became completely ignorant of the rules. Please bring her to apologize to Catalina tomorrow!”
The rope in my heart that was trying so hard to hold on, could no longer hold on. I took a deep breath and looked at my husband intently.
“She's still a child, Geoffrey. She's not even good at swimming yet. So, she shouldn't be forced into the water to be punished by you.”
Geoffrey glanced at me and sneered angrily, “Isn't it just soaking in water for a few minutes? Is it necessary to be pretentious like this? After all, Catalina has also taught her to swim with good intentions, Xaviera.”
I cut him off firmly. “She's dead, Geoffrey.”
I repeated it word for word. Every word I said was like a knife slicing my throat.
“Jocelyn died. Organ failure due to fluid in her lungs. The surgery even took five hours."
Geoffrey's expression changed from shock to anger. “Are you kidding me, Xaviera? Now you want to spoil your daughter and not let her apologize for her mistakes? You even went so far as to argue that she's dead. How can a mother curse her own child like this? You're really cruel!”
Having said that, he slammed the door and left angrily. In the meantime, a deep sense of helplessness came over me.
I realized that in Geoffrey's eyes, I looked like a criminal who had done many evil deeds. Perhaps that was why he didn't care at all whether the child lived or died.
***
The room was quiet again. I swept up the mess on the living room floor.
There were messy clothes on the sofa and overturned red wine glasses on the bar table. There was also the smell of perfume that was too strong for me. That was Catalina's scent.
I walked slowly towards the sofa. My toes accidentally touched a wet spot on it. I didn't know if it was wine or something else.
Geoffrey's words rang in my ears again at this moment. “Catalina's haute couture dress got wet because of your daughter. Do you know how much it cost? Go and apologize to her tomorrow.”
I laughed until tears rolled down my cheeks. My daughter died, but all he cared about was Catalina's dress.
I flopped down on the sofa and thought back to the day I found out I was pregnant. At that moment Geoffrey was as happy as a child. He kissed and hugged me tightly. He even hugged me while twisting my body several times.
There was unstoppable joy in his voice, “Xaviera, we're going to have a baby! I'm going to be a father!"
He decorated the nursery himself. Geoffrey also didn't forget to buy a lot of books on parenting. He even turned down all social events in favour of talking to the baby while nestled on my stomach every night.
I distinctly remember that there was a light in her eyes. I was absolutely convinced that our child must be the happiest in the world.
Unfortunately, while I was literally lying in the delivery room, in excruciating pain, my husband Geoffrey was not there. He disappeared without me knowing where he was.
The nurse called me again and again. She finally told me desperately, “Mr. Geoffrey said that he was busy and asked you to do the delivery yourself, Mrs. Xaviera.”
I later learned that Catalina had just returned to Andorra that day. Geoffrey had accompanied her to the amusement park for the whole day. Yet at the same time, I was lying in a hospital bed and covered in blood from giving birth to our child.
Geoffrey posted a photo of him and Catalina on his Instagram Moments. I still remember very well the caption that was written on the photo that read ‘Welcome back, my lovely princess’.
